Tuesday, January 22, 2008

The Numbers Don't Lie

Hey, everyone~ First, an update on Darrell's mom. She ended up with another hip replacement (her second in under seven months). She's going to be in the hospital for a while and is having a lot of trouble with pain and pain medications. She doesn't tolerate morphine and other pain meds very well. Please keep her in your prayers. She's a very independent, stubborn (in a good way), and determined person. She does what she wants to do, when she wants to do it, which just makes this even harder on her. She's the best MIL a girl could ask for. Her name is Wanda, BTW- as in "A Fish Called..."

As I've said in previous posts, we are eternally in the process of remodeling our home (kids, that's called "The joys of being married to a contractor") and the next room to be completed is a bedroom for Tucker and the new baby. I'm thinking we could just as easily finish it as a room for her and ask her if she could tolerate living here with us, at least until she's feeling steady on her feet again. I'm not sure she's that brave, though. Putting up with this crowd would be asking quite a bit of her... It's asking quite a bit of me, actually. I know there are days I don't feel up to it, so who could blame her? The people here are nut jobs.

And now... It's time to announce the results of our little poll. Clearly I am vindicated, friends. The votes have been counted and they are overwhelmingly in my favor. A whopping 35% of all Americans, and possibly a few Canadians, say my pie eating habits are awesome (at least I could tell that's what you meant, even if you couldn't come right out and say it).

A few of you understandably took exception to my use of the word cheese in reference to Velveeta. I am willing to concede the fact that Velveeta is not actually cheese and I apologize if my misuse of the term offended or upset anyone. To be honest, I'm not sure what Velveeta is. Can anyone really know that?

The final tally is:
Choice 1: Perfectly normal. I've heard of it, but don't eat it.- 9 votes! You're missing out on a great comfort food, but thank you for your support!
Choice 2: Odd-sounding. I've never heard of this.- 4 votes. What a fortunate opportunity this has been for you, to stumble onto my blog and discover what will soon become your favorite way to eat apple pie.
Choice 3: Perfectly normal. I've tried it and like it.- 10 votes! YES!!! SEE? In your face, kids! In... Your... Face!
Choice 4: I've tried it and hate it.- ZERO votes! This is an important one. It supports my theory that if you try it, you can't possibly NOT like it. You have to give it a chance. Let that warm, apple-y, cheesy goodness do its work. You will be a happier person, I promise.
Choice 5: I don't care if it's considered normal or not, I would never try this.- Only 5 votes. These poor, pitiful souls are obviously just picky eaters, who are also a little closed-minded, frankly (said with love of course- no offense), so their votes can't fully count towards the final tally- we'll be generous and count them as half, so that's 2.5 votes.
Choice 6: Ketchup on tacos is way more gross than cheese on pie. Leave your mom alone.- This is the biggie. 22% of the voting population (6 awesome, wicked-smart people) think my kids' eating habits are gross! America has spoken, kids. A scientifically conducted poll has proven that my kids are even more freakish than I am. YEA!!! Oh, cripes. That's not necessarily something to be proud of.

Here's your bonus for participating, as a personal Thank You from me. I'm giving you some free Velveeta trivia, compiled through hours upon hours of careful research on my part, causing many sleepless nights. What can I say? I'm a giver. Now, when you are asked about Velveeta tomorrow, and chances are you will be, you will be prepared with these fun, fabulous Velveeta facts. Go ahead, astound your friends.

Velveeta. Eat it. Love it. Live it.
  • Velveeta is technically a "pasteurized processed cheese product." According to Wiki, it cannot be called a "cheese food" because it contains less than 51% cheese. Hmmm.
  • It's been around since 1928. I believe this date is referring to the carton currently in my fridge. And yet, it never spoils. How amazing is that?
  • It has 1/3 less fat and calories than cheddar cheese. *Hence, the taste being not as... good.
  • It contains: Milk, Water, Milkfat, Whey, Whey protein concentrate, Sodium phosphate, Milk protein concentrate, Alginate, Sodium citrate, Apocarotenal (color), Annatto (color), Enzymes, and Cheese culture. YUMMY!! *Some of those words sound like cancer-causing stuff to me (apocarpeltunnel?).

*Not that that's a bad thing... just in case Kraft is reading this and wants to sue me. Yeah... The big dogs at Kraft Foods read my blog. ; )

Thank you all for your participation and your support. I appreciate it. Cheesy apple pie is awesome. This is now indisputable fact.


Miles' Mama said...

Yay! Congrats on your Velveeta Victory!!! ;)

Rebecca said...

I will keep your mil in my prayers!!

P.S. I also like to prove my kids wrong--WAY TO GO!!!

sassy chic said...

Hey I will be lifting your MIL up! I truly hate to hear that she is going to have to have surgery again! Loved the pics of Alex and Bri...very sweet.