Brief Update

Where do we stand right now with our adoption? Nowhere. That's the short answer. Officially, we started this process over 9 months ago, but my thoughts have been consumed with baby Sam since long before that, and every day since. I've been enjoying the pictures of Laurie and Travis' beautiful boys over at the *Pho For Four blog, wondering, "Is that what Sam may look like?" It's fun to see other peoples' pictures, and I'm truly happy for the families who have their referrals or are bringing their babies home, but it makes me miss my little lamb at the same time. I'm sure any of the waiting PAPs reading this can relate to that. I don't know if he's even been conceived- but in my heart, I know him. He's already mine. I love him. And I miss him. I look at baby things constantly, thinking, "Oh, we're going to need this. And this. And THIS..." But lately, my very next thought is, "Well, maybe... IF." IF Vietnam, stays open, IF it all works out... I hate the word "IF."

*(BTW-they finally got their I-600 to bring Shane home, if you didn't already know. Congrats, guys! That's so exciting!!)

Our dossier has been in VN for roughly 23 days now. During that time, it had to be translated before being logged in with the DIA, so how long it has actually been in their hands, I don't know. I heard from our program coordinator yesterday. I had emailed her the other day to discuss our concerns (fears?) regarding the current state of affairs between the US and VN and the upcoming review of the agreement between our two countries in March. I don't want to quote her verbatim (I didn't ask her if I could share what she said), but basically it's nothing we didn't already know. She did clue me in on a few things I didn't know regarding the agreement between our countries, and the March deadline that I keep hearing about, as far as what it does and does not mean in relation to continued adoptions from VN. She also talked a little bit about the previous shut-down in 2003, compared to the current situation and said there are a few very important differences. What those differences will mean in the long run, I don't know. She ended up saying we're right to be concerned and that, although she wished she could assure us that everything will be just fine, she can't make that kind of promise when she doesn't know. Again, we already knew that, and, of course, we weren't hoping she would make false promises, but still- she could have at least said that Vietnam thinks we are awesome people who would obviously be outstanding parents, and special exceptions will most definitely be made for our adoption to continue no matter what happens, so we don't need to worry, and in fact, we're getting our referral tomorrow and travel dates next week just because we're so nice and, gosh darnit, they just like us... That really isn't so unreasonable, is it? No, I didn't think so, either.

So what will we do if VN turns out not to be an option? We are currently open to suggestions, if you have any. We're already in for thousands of dollars with our agency, and we don't qualify for hardly any other country programs besides VN (because of either age, family size, income limits- due again to family size- or some combination of those). We really had our hearts set on an Asian country, for Bri's sake mostly. She was and is very excited about the possibility of having a sibling who resembles her. China won't have us, and from what I understand, Korea, Thailand, Taiwan, India, and others, won't either. I find myself questioning lately... Did God lead us to Vietnam, or did we do that part by ourselves? Did we get ahead of Him? Did we miss something He tried to tell us because we'd already decided on our own? I know that if God is in it, we will bring our child home. But from where? Where is he?