Sunday, January 30, 2011

Does it make me a bad mom if...

I encourage Sam to shout, "Afflack," because it sounds like he's screaming, "OH F**K!"  ???  I can't help it.  It's funny.  I need prayer.  Or something.

Onto other things...
I haven't posted anything in a while and figured I should.  We had a hectic week around here since Darrell was out of town last week, so all the little things that happened (that I thought would make funny posts) went unblogged and are now forgotten.  Lost in the fog of a tired mommy's brain.

Darrell had a small job to do for an uncle and was gone from early Saturday morning to late Friday night. I can never sleep when he's away from home, and I already don't sleep well enough as it is.  Plus, I had a small, crazy man in my bed all week. 

When Sammy sleeps with me, he likes to be close to his mama.  CLOSE.  Like, right in my armpit.  So, I end up sleeping with my right arm crooked up high in an unnatural position, while my left hand tries to stay clamped on my right bosom, either pulling it back up onto my chest, or tucking it under my armpit (so as to keep the "armpit boob," which happens after you've breastfed five babies and your jumblies are too tired to remain on your chest, from sliding over into the baby's face, obviously.  Not because I just like to hold onto it while I sleep).  (And if you cannot tuck your boob behind you, and therefore have no idea what I'm talking about, just offer up a prayer of thanks and shut up about it.  I don't want to hear about your perky, young, fancy-schmancy, non-saggy jumblies.  Geez, I'm practically stepping on the d*#n things over here when my bra comes off.  That may have been a little more than you really hoped to know about me.  But, I digress...).  In addition to my own personal game of Twister, I lay awake listening to Sammy's breathing all night, making sure he won't suffocate (in the armpit boob). 

"Why don't you just slide him over?" You may ask... 

Don't you think I've tried?  How crazy of you to ask me such a thing. 

There's no way to defeat him.  He's far too skilled.  When I move him over (which happens around 78 times a night, on average), I have all of two seconds to get in a comfy spot before he starts finding his way back.  His little arm shoots out and his hand starts feeling the bed as he scoots his body back over to me.  He doesn't stop until he feels armpit (or boob) (or both) against his skin.   And he does all that dead asleep.  It's an amazing thing to watch.  

And it's a king-sized bed, for Pete's sake.   The tiny, twenty pound squirt winds up with 7/8 of it, while the 1++ pound mom has her butt cheeks hanging off the side.

He also sometimes sits straight up in his sleep, says something unintelligible (possibly a warning I should have been heeding all along), then falls back down onto my face.  He remains asleep, but I'm kinda funny about sleeping with someone ON MY FACE.  I don't care much for it.  Personally, I don't recommend being awakened by body-slams, but you know, to each his own... 

So, I'm dragging.  Big time.  My eyes have been watering all day from yawning.  I hope I'll get a good sleep tonight.

Wednesday, January 19, 2011


is leaving for Fort Benning in Georgia on April 26.

No words.  You already know how I feel about it anyway.

Monday, January 17, 2011

Two quick bits...

  1. Sam saw a picture of Martin Luther King on PBS this morning and shouted, "Daddy!"  I'd never noticed a strong resemblance between MLK and Darrell before, but I'll take another look when Darrell gets home tonight from work.
  2. Rhetoric is already on my list of Most Overused Words of 2011.  Please, I beg you, don't say it anymore.  I.can'  I'll vomit.  I swear, I will.
That is all.  Return to your Monday.  Hope yours isn't sucking as much as mine.

Saturday, January 15, 2011

Another funny thing about Mama Kitty

I know...  Another post.  You're sick of me.  But since I was just telling you about the cat, I wanted to share something funny that Olivia said this morning. 

She asked, "Mama, do you think animals like our pets will be in Heaven?" 

I thought we were going to get into a big spiritual conversation, but before I had a chance to say anything she followed it up with, "Because if Mama Kitty goes to Heaven with us, you're going to feel like you went to Hell." 

Bwaahahaha!  She's absolutely right.  Gosh, I love that girl! 

Then this evening, Savannah suggested that maybe it's time to have the cat "put down."  I've thought of that (boy.oh.boy. have I thought of it).  But...  For one thing, it seems wrong to do that to an animal who has lived through being electrocuted, hit by a car, and various other things.  It would be like chopping down one of those giant Sequoya trees- how could you do it to something that's lived that long and been through so much?  I told Savannah that I would really feel bad to put her to sleep just because she's become a nuisance to me.  It just doesn't seem right. 

So Evan said, "Well put her to sleep for being a nuisance to me, then.  I don't have a problem with it." 

I've done such an awesome job raising these loving, compassionate, kind, caring, souls, haven't I?

I also heard from someone who said that all that peeing can be an indication that she's sick, which I didn't know, so I may have to get her to the vet (yeah, like we can afford that right now).  How twisted am I that a part of me is hoping I could have a legitimate reason to put the poor thing to sleep?  I feel guilty just thinking it.  The kids would hate me.  She's older than all but one of my seven children.

And... Tracy left a comment saying they make cat diapers.  Dear Lord, has my life really come to this?  Am I really considering buying diapers for my cat?  God help me, I think I am.  But I will not change a cat's poopy diapers.  How do you even get the stupid thing to stand still or lay down long enough to wipe her bum and change the dipes?   Do you try to make them lay (lie???) on their backs and pull their legs up, like a baby?  I'm trying to picture it in my head right now and it's looking a lot like something you'd see on Funniest Home Videos.  Do they make kitty wipes, too? 

Hmmm... So many things to consider...

Update: This is what Tracy thinks my cat will wear.  She's going to hate you, too, Tracy.  And I'll send her over without her diapers on.


First, I have to say happy birthday to Mike (19) and Savannah (20)!  I hope it's a blessed day for both of you!  I love you both very much! 

I guess I should also acknowledge our cat's birthday, since she's 20 this month.  That's almost one hundred in people years.  She has totally lost control of her bladder, though, so my desire to say happy birthday to my deaf, senile, peeing cat is not real high.  She has peed on so many things that are important to me- good books, my favorite vera bradley purse, my fruit bowl, canned goods in our pantry (and if you know me then you know those cans had to go straight to the trash.  I couldn't wash them and still use them.  No way), my shoes.  The list goes on and on.  I thought she peed on Darrell's shoes once, too- but then I realized that, no, that's just the way his shoes smell.  I doubt Mama (the cat's name) reads my blog anyway, so I refuse to wish her a happy birthday.  Instead I will wish her a Pee-Free Birthday!  Woo-hoo! 

My birth mother sent me a copy of this video, and I laughed out loud.  I literally LOL'd.  So I found it on YouTube to share with you.  I thought it was funny, but we all know my sense of humor is a little off.  Hopefully, one of my two readers will think it's funny, too.  If I'm always the only one laughing, someone will eventually think I need to be committed to a mental health facility.  So, save me from a six month stint at the Happy Home and tell me you think it's funny, too.

You know...  I've always daydreamed of something like this happening to Nancy (uh-oh- that won't count against me as violent rhetoric, will it?).

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

I think Obama read my blog... And other uninteresting thoughts

He kind of stole borrowed shared a few of my sentiments when he spoke at the memorial service tonight.  Only they sounded much more Presidential when he said them.  I do believe it may have been the first time B.O. and I have been on the same page, or even the same book.  But then again, it would be pretty hard for him to mangle a speech like that.  If it wouldn't trigger my gag reflex, and possibly bring about the apocalypse, I might even say he did a pretty good jo...  Aw, jeez... I can't do it.  I just threw up in my mouth a little.  He did, um... not a bad job. 

What did you think?  Did you watch the memorial service?  Any opinions?  I have a feeling my Dem friends had a few opinions about yesterday's post that they respectfully chose to keep to themselves.  Purely out of love and admiration for me, of course.

(You know I'm just kidding about thinking he stole my comments, right?  Just checking.  Sometimes I wonder if people get the smart-assery involved in 97.6% of what I say.  And it's not like anything I said was all that deep and/or original, so I suppose it's possible Obama's speech writers could have come to the same conclusions on their own.)

In other news...  I have a kid turning 19 this Saturday (Happy Birthday, Michael!  I love you, you Army-bound idiot!).  I asked him what he wanted for his birthday, and he answered, "Cash."  Not a sentimental one, that guy.  One year at Christmas, he even asked me to forgo buying stocking stuffers for him and just give him the money I would have spent on them instead.  At least he's consistent in what he wants. 

We've had an interesting week with Michael.  I'd written in a previous post that Mike had moved out several months back.  He was sharing a house with another guy.  They weren't exactly close friends- just housemates.  Mike viewed it as a great opportunity to get out on his own.  Last weekend, Michael called his dad asking to move back home because his roommate had been arrested.  Oh, yay.  Just what every parent wants to hear.  Thank God the police were somehow aware that the "friend's" illegal activities didn't involve Mike, or the other roommate they had recently taken in.  Maybe they'd been watching the kid for awhile, or something?  We really don't have a lot of details.  So...  Mike is temporarily living back at home, until he goes to basic training in February.  I'm currently living in denial about that.  I seriously can't believe this is really happening.  I think he does the official swearing in thing on Friday.  Ugh.

Michael is such a headstrong guy.  I love him to pieces, but once he decides something, that's it.  Nobody is going to stop him.  He gets that from his dad.  I guess that's a great quality when you're not doing something that will make your mom sick with worry.  I do admire and respect what he wants to do.  I just hate it.  I hate it!!  When it's time for him to go, I fear I'm going to be one of those embarrassing moms, clinging to him and sobbing, "Don't take my baby!  You can't have my baby!"  I'll make a huge arse out of myself and it will be another fond family memory.  ...Good times.

Alex has also been with us this past week, so it's been kind of nice having all my boys around again.  He is between jobs- his last one was seasonal help at Target to tide him over until he starts with UPS, and that job doesn't start yet, so he's spending some time down here with us.  He's also back with his girlfriend (YAY!!), so spending time with her may also have just a tiny bit to do with him wanting to be time closer to home.  I adore her.  I think I've said that already, too. 

His girlfriend, Savannah, is so, so precious.  She's one of those rare girls who is gorgeous on the outside, as well as being beautiful on the inside, too- such a sweet, precious, genuine heart she has.  She's crazy about the girls and Sammy.  And Sammy is crazy for her. 
Our visit to the Marines recruiting office with Evan has been pushed to this Saturday.  We didn't end up going last weekend.  So, it's going to be a busy Saturday, with going to the used car salesman recruiter, then rushing around to get Michael's birthday dinner ready.  I also have to get out to grab a little birthday gift for Savannah, since she and Mike share the same birthday. 

I hope the weather warms up considerably in the next few days before I have to do all this running around.  We finally got some snow here, and went from temps in the 50's down to 2 degrees.  Ick.  With a wind chill of -11.  Next Monday is supposed to bring freezing rain.  More ick.  the ice storms we've gotten the last few years have been brutal- leaving us without power for days.  I hope that doesn't happen again this year, but I guess I should stock up on supplies and be ready for that possibility.  Then, maybe next weekend, I'm relocating to Hawaii.

What do you have going on this weekend?  Anything exciting?

Tuesday, January 11, 2011


This has never been a political blog, nor do I feel able to speak intelligently and confidently when it comes to politics, so I am somewhat leery of posting my thoughts tonight.  However, I can't take it anymore.  If I don't say something, I'm going to blow a gasket.

The other day- a fairly lazy day here at home- I turned on the TV, not really expecting to find anything good on.  I turned on CNN.  First came the confusion.  Something horrible had happened in Tucson.  But exactly what was going on was still up in the air.  Rep. Giffords had been shot.  She may be dead.  She may be alive.  The reports were conflicting and coming in too fast to have time to take it all in.  The shock set in as the news became clearer.  Her life was hanging in the balance and other lives were lost.  Who had done this?  Who would do this?  Why?

In the days since, we've gotten a more complete picture of what took place that day.  We know the names of the wounded, the deceased, and the young man who committed this disgustingly sick and horrible act.

My thoughts have been for Rep. Giffords, listening every day for news, hoping to hear her condition is improving and her prognosis is good.  My thoughts have been for the mother of the nine year old girl who was killed, little Christina Taylor Green- trying to imagine a level of pain that is every parent's worst nightmare.  I've wondered what her thoughts must be like right now.  Is she thinking of all the birthday parties that will never be planned, pictures that can never be taken, and school dances that her sweet baby girl will never get to attend?  Talking about boys...  Someday a wedding... All those precious mother-daughter bonding moments that will never be...  It makes my heart ache for her- although, at the same moment, I am selfishly grateful for never having to feel the ache she is feeling now.  I think of Gabe Zimmerman's fiance and how devastated she must be right now.  I'm thinking of Judge John Roll, who was just in the wrong place at the wrong time, and Pastor Stoddard.  These men have families who are overwhelmed right now with grief.  I'm thinking of George Morris, one of those wounded, who was married for 55 years to his high school sweetheart, Dorothy.  She was killed.  The woman he shared the majority of his life with is now just... gone.  And I'm thinking about the parents and family of Jared Loughner.  I cannot begin to imagine what they are going through. 

I'll also admit, no matter how cliche it sounds, I've been hugging my kids a little tighter after having another sad reminder of why we shouldn't take our loved ones, or anything important in our lives, for granted.  I casually say goodbye to family members every day, always assuming they'll return safely at night.  Once again, I'm reminded that there are no guarantees.

My thoughts have been so occupied with these people and their families that I was a little shocked when I began to realize there are other people out there thinking along very different lines.  There are people who wish to use this tragedy as part of some twisted little political game.

I've heard so much these past few days about "violent rhetoric" that it's almost as if a script was passed out to the players of the game, just moments after the shootings occurred.  And- surprise, surprise- the accusations are coming from the Liberal camp, aimed at Conservatives.  Because, as we all know, Liberals never resort to violent or hateful speech themselves.  No.  Never.  They always speak so kindly and lovingly about Conservatives and all they stand for, especially Conservative Christians, like me. 

And if I see a map with cross hairs on it one more time, I may honestly burst into tears.   Using this tragedy to take something like that completely out of context is wrong.  Plain and simple.  By the way, as long as I've mentioned the map thing already... 

I certainly don't want the point of this post to be remembered as my effort to defend Sarah Palin.  And if that's all you take from it, please go back and read again.  This isn't about Sarah; however, she is one of the primary people currently sighted in the Liberal cross hairs (when isn't she?) for her "violent" words.  Funny, that.  Because what I have clearly heard her repeat many, many times is that her use of words like "arms," "reload," etc., and even those cross hairs pictured on that map, are meant metaphorically.  She speaks of arming ourselves with votes, information, etc..  She has said time and again that she is not speaking of literal, violent acts.  Those cross hairs on that map meant that those were targets to be zeroed in upon with political effort- not targets on people to be literally shot at.  Could she have chosen a better symbol?  Obviously.  At this moment, I'm wishing she would have used bunnies, or cupcakes.  But...  How daft does one have to be to truly believe that this well-known political figure would give an open call to violence- literal violence- even pinpointing the specific areas where she wants that violence to occur?   And even if she did?  How insulting it is to us Conservatives that the Liberal camp assumes (and openly suggests) we are such idiotic sheep that we would blindly obey!

It has always seemed to me that many Liberals feel intellectually superior to Conservatives. They mock us, especially those of us who are people of faith. They speak down to us.  And yet they can't tell the difference between speaking figuratively or literally?  Hmmm.  Odd.

I'd also like to point out (although I feel I shouldn't have to) that when a politician or political pundit has the sense to recognize and even predict that certain areas are political hot zones and therefore may be more likely to experience turbulent debates, clashes and even violence, it is not the same thing as condoning, promoting, or inciting violence.

I think it's pretty clear, judging by the writings of Mr. Loughner, that he is absolutely off his nut.  If you've read any of his ramblings, it's ludicrous to suggest that Mrs. Palin, Rush Limbaugh, or any other Conservative is to blame for his actions.  His diseased mind is to blame.  I would even go so far as to wonder if some blame should be shared by any family member or friend who knew how deeply disturbed and sick this young man was and didn't seek help on his behalf.  Maybe they tried.  I don't know.  But he is to blame.  He picked up that gun, went to that shopping center, and destroyed those lives.  We may never know why he did this.  There may not even be a why.  At least not a sane one.

I could go on and on about this, but I will only get angrier as I go and begin to ramble (even more than I'm already doing).  What I really want to say is that when we seize tragic, heartbreaking events as opportunities to play these assinine political blame games and make accusations about the "other side," I feel it is deeply disrespectful to those who were killed and to those who remain and are suffering.  They become pawns to be used and tossed aside.  These are people.  Hurting, heartbroken people.  I think what's going on shows a total lack of class and compassion.  This is not the time to further a political agenda or blame one party over another for this act of violence.  This is the time to come together as a nation, regardless of political affiliation, and collectively grieve for those whose lives will never be the same.

Saturday, January 1, 2011

Welcome to 2011

First, I have no pictures.  If you're here looking for adorable kids in their jammies, opening gifts on Christmas morning, you'll have to wait.  I'll get them up soon.  Actually, we didn't even take many pictures this year- so there may or may not be pictures coming soon. 

Second, I have nothing of interest to say.  I suppose, since I'm publishing this post, I should say something...  But I'll be danged if I know what it's going to be.

I guess I could say a loud and hearty "SEE YA!" to 2010.  Don't let the door hit you in the arse on the way out.  As far as years go?  Not a big 2010 fan.

2010 has been a year of "Downhills."  The biggest thing was seeing our business go downhill.  More like it did one of those extreme skiing jumps off the side of a cliff.  As much as I hate to admit this out loud, our family pretty much went broke this year.  Owning a one-horse construction operation in a sucky economy is not a fun thing.  I can think of many things, in fact, that I'd rather do.  Multiple root canals.  Colonoscopies.  Mammograms on both jumblies simultaneously.  Sitting in a vat of maggots.  All of those at the same time.  Worrying over whether or not my children will have a home six months from now, or stressing over stupid little things, like- oh...  feeding my kids- these are not the ways I had hoped to spend my 2010.  We've had to make huge adjustments (many were actually good for us, but still...), and learn to live with a constant knot in our guts, waiting for work to "pick back up."  It hasn't.  The financial headaches have taken a toll in every area of our life.  Every. Area.  If you've been through it, I don't need to say anymore.  You know what I mean.  We aren't completely destitute (yet) and God has really proven His faithfulness to us over and over again in the past year, so I can't really complain.  In fact, I'm truly thankful.  But you know it's my complaining that keeps this blog in business, so... 

My career as a homeschool mom has definitely gone downhill.  But that's really nothing new.  I guess I can't blame that on 2010, although this year has seemed especially hard.  I've thought of giving up many times.  I'm so hard on myself, that I can never know for sure if I really am doing a terrible job homeschooling my children, or if I just feel like I am.

My beautiful figure has gone downhill.  And you know how hot I was before, so that's been a difficult adjustment.  I was so slim and sexy.  Remember how I was constantly being compared to Demi Moore?  Yes, you do.  Think back.  I betcha I'm fatter now than I've ever been.  Either that, or the weight is shifting to other places.  As we speak.  My neck, or chin, or whatever this huge goiter-like lump of fat below my face is called, now has a separate zip code from the rest of my body.  My stomach fat literally hangs down over my C-section scars, thereby hiding them- so... you know... there's something positive.  Except I have to pick up the fat roll to clean underneath.  You think I'm kidding?  Then why am I crying as I type this?

My hairdo went downhill.  For some stupid reason, I cut it all off.  My hair was the one thing about my appearance that I could sometimes make look attractive.  Not anymore.  It blows.  And sucks.  I'm now in the process of growing it out.  This, too, is not fun. 

...Oh. My. Gosh.  You guys.  You know what I just realized?  You know who I look like?  With the fat, and the hair?  CHAZ BONO.

That's me.  I swear.  See that neck/chin thing?  SEE?  That's it!  That's my neck/chin thing!  My real life friends can vouch for me.  Not to dis Mr. Bono, but this is not really the look I've longed to duplicate.  Wow...  This was an epiphany I didn't need.  Now, I really am crying.  I am Chaz Bono, you guys.  Chaz. Bono. 

My health has not only gone downhill, it's gone straight to Hades in the past year.  But that's a whole separate post.  One that I'll get to soon, in fact.  I have things to tell.  Secrets to reveal. 

All in all, I'm thrilled to leave 2010 behind me.  I hope and pray for a happier, healthier, more prosperous year ahead... with less neck/chin.  And I'm wishing that for all of you, too.  All two of you, my precious readers.  Happy 2011!