Monday, November 3, 2008

Would you have aborted me?

Okay, this is the post on abortion that I warned you about. Run away now if you don't want to hear it. I know this is a hot topic that I should probably stay away from, but have I ever mentioned my common sense is, um, not great?

So let me get the disclaimers out of the way... First, my thoughts will probably be quite rambly. I have a million thoughts swirling around, but will do the best I can to get them out in a way that makes sense. Please forgive me if I'm not as succinct as I should be. If I stumble over my words, or repeat myself one too many times, you'll understand I'm nervous about discussing all this with you, right?

This is not a politically motivated post, although I think the subject is a timely one considering tomorrow's election, and one of the candidate's deplorable views on abortion. This post is not about trying to sway anyone- it's just an airing of my own feelings regarding one very specific segment of the pro-abortion camp. My hope is that I can cause you to look at your views from another angle- to step into another's shoes, for just a moment.

If you are a sold-out abortion supporter, you will not get this post. Likewise, if you are not a Christian, you will not get this post. Go ahead and read if you wish, but don't expect it to make sense to you.

I personally feel that there is no middle ground when it comes to abortion. Notice, I said "personally." These are my feelings. You may share your feelings if you wish, but my feelings are not open to debate. I want to make it clear right away that my comments today are not directed at the unwavering abortion supporter, but to the Christian believer who thinks there are cases when abortion is sometimes "acceptable." So, pro-abortion people, any arguments over your side vs. my side are pointless. You won't sway me, and I'm pretty sure I couldn't sway you.

Since I'm sharing personal feelings and revelations here, my intentions are definitely not to offend or anger anyone. So, I would appreciate if your comments do not intend to offend or anger me. Please keep them civil.

My view of abortion is that it is murder. This allows you yet another chance to flee if you feel you won't be able to take it. Everything I say will be steeped in this view. I do not believe any of us should get the "choice" to murder a child. If that bothers you, stop reading right now (This does not mean that I don't have compassion for women struggling with an unplanned pregnancy, or suffering from the guilt that often follows the choice of abortion. I do. I am not one of those so-called "Christians" who stands outside an abortion clinic screaming hateful, horrible things at the hurting women coming out. I do not believe for one second that's how the Lord would treat these women, or wants me to treat them. I have very dear friends who have experienced the pain and trauma caused by making this choice for themselves years ago and my heart aches for them as they continue to battle with the long-lasting ramifications of their decisions, finding themselves unable to truly forgive their own actions and move on).

Still reading? Okay. Either you're with me so far, or you're one of those people exactly like me who are compelled to keep reading after the warnings have been issued! You at least have to admit I've given you plenty of time to skedaddle, so you can't say I didn't warn you.

Here we go... Boldly going where no sane person would go.

I often hear the phrase, "I am opposed to abortion except in the case of incest or rape." I'm sure you've heard this too, or something similar. Maybe you even believe it yourself. If so, I'd like to encourage you to seriously reevaluate your thoughts on this. Each time I hear this, I remind myself not to take it personally. I shouldn't let it get to me. I tell myself they are not speaking to me personally. I should just let it go.

But I can't. I'm sorry, but it is personal. You are speaking to me. About me.

As one of those "rape babies," what I hear is this: "I usually believe abortion is wrong, but I totally understand why a mother wouldn't want YOU!"

Yes, my bio mother was raped. And guess what?!? I didn't rape her. So, why is it so easy for you to understand punishing the child for a condition she did not cause, and a crime she did not commit? Okay, so maybe you don't consider abortion a punishment? Maybe to you, the true punishment is in some woman carrying the filthy spawn of a rapist- "The Bad Seed"? Have you really taken time to learn the details of the procedure? Would you like to experience those "details" from the baby's point of view? Criminals are executed more humanely than babies are aborted.

My bio mother had someone in her life who wanted her to abort me. If she would have let her secret out to more people, I'm sure she would have had others who thought abortion was an entirely understandable and acceptable measure, considering her horrible circumstances. After all, who could blame her? Why on earth would she want to carry a rapist's baby?

Here's the deal: The life of an unborn child is either valuable or it is not. I understand the people who say it is not. I do not agree with them, but I understand that that is their view. I do not understand the people who say it is valuable sometimes.

So I have to ask you... If a rape baby is expendable in your eyes, why not a baby with disabilities? How can they still be precious to God, while I am not? Why not get rid of a baby of the "wrong" gender? Heck, why not just go back to Nazi-era Eugenics (which may not be too far off, IMHO)?

Whose life is more worthy in the eyes of God? And how can you be the one who chooses? When we start deciding which children can or should be done away with before birth, when and where does it stop?

I personally find it disgusting when I hear you shouting from the rooftops that abortion is wrong, then you follow it up with your quiet little disclaimer "except in the case of incest or rape."

It hurts me on a personal level (yes, even though I know it shouldn't) and sickens me as a fellow believer that you can think my life is not as valuable as a "wanted" baby, simply because a crime beyond my control, was committed against my biological mother. I (and every rape baby) was created by God, who makes no mistakes, just as surely as he created each and every other baby, whether they be "perfect," or impaired by disabilities or deformities.

The view that "abortion is wrong, except..." is hypocrisy- the epitome of fence-straddling- trying to feel good about holding onto one's convictions and moral values in theory, while allowing an "out." I'm reminded of the verses in Rev. 3 that say, "I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either one or the other! So, because you are lukewarm—neither hot nor cold—I am about to spit you out of my mouth."

Either the contents of the womb is a living being and therefore deserves to be protected and valued, or not. Unborn children are either precious in His sight, or not. Psalm 139 says, "For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;your works are wonderful,I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place.When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body.All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be." Tell me, where does that scripture allow for your convenient "out"? Where does it say rape babies are exempt from that whole "wonderfully made" thing?

God may not desire for a woman to experience the trauma of rape, but in His goodness, He can still bring something good out of it. Why did a loving God allow my bio mother, or any woman, to be raped? Why did I have to be born with such a disgusting legacy as that? Why couldn't I have been born as a "wanted" child into a family that looked forward to my arrival and raised me in a loving home? I have no idea.

But, I believe the Bible when it tells me God considers children to be a blessing and a gift. It doesn't say "some" children, or "planned" children. I believe the Bible when it tells me "'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'" I know He had a purpose and a plan for my life. And I accept how He chose to begin it. Why can't some of you?

I understand a woman who has been raped may not be able to love or want the child she carries. I understand that very, very well. But, I also thank God that my own bio mother did not punish me for something I didn't do. She couldn't keep me, and understandably didn't want me, but that didn't mean she had to "terminate" me. Thank God she chose adoption over abortion. Were those nine months of carrying a rapist's child hard on her? I'm sure they were- beyond what most of us could imagine. Does that justify the destruction of the child? I don't think so.

The next time you find yourself thinking, "I am opposed to abortion except in the case of incest or rape," consider the people who are listening to your words. You just may be speaking to one of those you deem to be exterminable. Maybe you should tweak your words slightly so that they accurately reflect what the people you are insulting will hear: "I usually believe abortion is wrong, but I totally understand why a mother wouldn't want YOU!" "I can't imagine having to be pregnant with YOU," or just come right out and say, "Children conceived during rape or incest do not deserve to live as much as 'wanted' children." Isn't that pretty much what you're saying anyway? Then decide if you would still say that out loud. If so, come on over and say it to my face- lol!! That ought to be fun. ;D

I realize in today's society we're all supposed to have the touchy-feely warm fuzzies for all people and tolerate anything and everything from each other, but I have to say it... If you are a Believer and you believe abortion is wrong, except in the case of rape and incest, You.Are.Wrong. Forgive me for not sugar-coating it, but there you have it. Your view is not in line with the teachings of the Bible. You are wrong. You are wrong. You are wrong. The God you profess to love and serve created that life. Was He in error? Answer that for me... Was He in error?

He has a plan for that child's life; a future and a hope- a future that you would snuff out. You are wrong.

And with that, dear friends, I'm done. Let the comments fly. Thank you for kindly indulging my opinions on this subject. We will now return to our regularly scheduled programming.

Either the life of an unborn child has value or it doesn't.


Rachel said...

Thank you for sharing that, MIchelle. I completely understand your point of view and I am so thankful others who share their thoughts about controversial issues in respectful, loving ways.

I totally agree with you on one level: a life is no less valuable if s/he was conceived against a mother's will.

Thank you, again, for sharing.

(I am a lurker who has commented maybe 3 times on your blog.)

char said...

I read this and then had to navigate away and now I'm back. Thank you so much for sharing your story. I'm just, wow, I don't even know. I am a Christian who has been guilty of uttering those words you spoke of. You're right. I was wrong. I knew it wasn't really right when I was saying it, but yet, like you said, it was the part of me that needed to stay "tolerant". Forgive me. I'll won't be saying that anymore.

Michelle said...

Wow, Char. Your sweet comment just blows me away. You made me cry. Thank you for receiving this is the way it was intended and responding so kindly.

Christina Hubbard said...

I have had a friend for several years that says that exact comment. And for years I have told her the same thing you are is not the baby's fault! It breaks my heart everytime I hear her say it!! We have also been in circumstances where we know girls/women who are pregnant who are considering abortion and we have told them we would love to take the baby but in the is not meant to be. I pray daily for these girls and for the babies lost. Thanks for sharing!

Tina, KCMO

SueCQ said...

God Bless you, Michelle! Your post was RIGHT on!! I, too, am glad that your mother chose to give you life. Your position, your willingness to share your story, and your talent for writing all add up to a powerful message on the behalf of the babies!! THANK YOU!

Laura L. said...

I am so glad you shared your story. It just may be the only time I've ever heard this case made from a perspective such as yours. May God bless you for having the courage to share it.
I'm thankful that your bio mother chose life!

mrsbroccoliguy said...

Thank you for your extremely valuable perspective. I believe the same thing but somehow I think it's more powerful coming from you. Pushing abortion on a rape victim is just heaping another trauma upon her - and her child. It may seem the "easier" solution, but I truly believe it only hurts her more. And as you say - every life is valuable, because every child is created by God.

mrsbroccoliguy said...

Thank you for your extremely valuable perspective. I believe the same thing but somehow I think it's more powerful coming from you. Pushing abortion on a rape victim is just heaping another trauma upon her - and her child. It may seem the "easier" solution, but I truly believe it only hurts her more. And as you say - every life is valuable, because every child is created by God.

mrsbroccoliguy said...

ack, my comment posted twice! how annoying! sorry about that!

Rebecca said...

AMEN!!!! I am also SO VERY glad that your birth mom made the choice she made! My life (as well as many others) will never be the same because of you!!

MJ said...

I must admit that I was one of those people that said "except in the case of incest or rape." And I have to say I never thought of it from your perspective. I am ashamed of myself that I never did. I am so glad you wrote this very personal post because you made me think. And I must admit that you are right. I was moved by what you wrote and I am so glad that I read it. I now can never say "except in the case of incest or rape" because of you. Thank you for making me think it through and for making me see if from another perspective. Thanks again for sharing and bring to light the other side.

Heidi said...

Thanks for sharing your story. I don't disagree with you on the "except for the case of rape/incest" issue. And I do consider myself prolife.

However, lately I've been questioning when life really begins. Is it really at the moment the sperm penetrates the egg? I've read that some huge percentage of pregnancies end in miscarriage (the vast majority that women never even know about). Why would God let half of his created people die? And why don't our faith traditions (in my case, Catholicism) hold funerals for miscarried children if they are really people. More and more, I realize that maybe human beings don't know when life really begins. Only God knows that.

Now, there's the argument that then you should err on the side of caution and never kill anything. But I think life is a little more complicated than that. And an abortion at a very early stage may be something a bit different than one in the second trimester.

Just my thoughts. Thanks for sharing yours.

Tracy's corner said...

Amen! I with you 210%!!

Tami said...

Amen. AMEN. AMEN! I think we're on the same page here. ;>)

Thanks so much for the comment on my blog. It was good to know my ramblings made sense to someone besides me. ;>)

maxhelcal said...

I bounced over from Christina's blog. I have always wondered myself why the exception. Thanks for sharing your story. It makes the arguement all the better.

God Bless,


Terynn said...

(standing and wildly applauding in Iowa)

Yes. Yes! YES!

Elaine said...

Wow, what a post! I've always been uncomfortable with the "except for rape or incest" thing, but I guess I figured people said that in an attempt to be compassionate towards the woman/girl who has already experienced horrific trauma -- like, hmm, I'm probably not making sense here, like, they just don't want to be judgmental of someone who has experienced that kind of thing because it could be so emotionally traumatizing that maybe they would make a decision and not be truly accountable for that decision because of their emotional sate. Does that make any sense? I've never heard anyone say that is why they believe in the whole "except for . . . " philosophy, I just always assumed it was because they didn't want to harshly judge a person who has been faced with that situation and made a decision they probably wouldn't have made under less horrific circumstances. Not that they think abortion is A-okay. But I have thought about it myself in the "what if" way, and I have always known that there were no exceptions for me. What a post! I'm glad you said all of this.

rainbowmom said...

darn it! what is your email address???

Do you read my passworded posts? I can't remember if you have the password. Anywho...I have a take on this too. Very personal to me as well. Read my protected posts.

I'm so glad your mom chose to carry you and allow you life. She was brave, and strong, and I shudder for so many reasons reading your post. I pray your mother's decision brought her healing. Through her choice she's brought joy in the world from your life.

I have made the argument "accept in cases of rape". To me, it hasn't been about the baby. It's been totally from my own prospective thinking of carrying in me "something" left by a person who traumatized me. My thoughts have been totally self-motivated, and about the woman and what she's gone through. But, it should be about the baby. And, I've been wrong. And, I'm sorry for that. Thank you for your post. I have no idea who I've spoken hurtful words to. You're right.

I've posted on my blog too about abortion and how in the world it's legal, yet crushing the egg of a bald eagle is illegal. Life is precious. Life is God breathed. God does not make mistakes. God brings beauty for ashes.

Thank you Michelle for sharing this!

dimeadozen said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.