How's it going with the New Year's resolutions? I didn't really make any. I did, however, jump on the bandwagon of choosing one word to define and direct my goals for this year.
(Before I share it, though, I want to say an early 'Happy Birthday' to my kid... Happy birthday, Evan! I love you and miss you! Can't wait to have you back home. Praying that God has some exciting things just around the corner for you and that this year is going to be YOUR year!)
The word I've chosen for 2013 is DECLUTTER. And that's a doozy of a word. For me, anyway, it encompasses a-whole-heckuva-lot.
My hopes to declutter in 2013 (if all goes according to plan) will affect every area of my life, not just my home (although that will be a big part of it). This isn't just a "I'm finally gonna get organized" kind of thing, although I certainly hope that will happen. It's more of a "I'm gonna achieve peace and contentment if it kills me" kind of thing.
Here are the specifics, in a long, rambly nutshell.
DECLUTTER my home
This will actually be the easiest (although not easy), so I'll start here. My housemates and I do not need 49 t-shirts that are suitable only for sleeping or cleaning house, or 17 pairs of jeans that no longer fit, so that's where I'll start, with decluttering our closets and drawers.
Ever since getting "sick" (I was diagnosed in 2008), my deep cleaning skills (aw, who are we kidding? Deep? Snort! My cleaning skills, period) have really suffered. I just don't get down on my hands and knees for anything anymore... Unless someone drops M&Ms at my feet. And even then... It's gotta be a pretty good handful. So, I'm envisioning something akin to entering a wardrobe and suddenly finding myself in Narnia. Some of our closets haven't been investigated in a long time and God only knows what I'll find, is what I'm trying to convey. I don't know if I should expect the process to be tedious, exciting, terrifying, or a combination of all three.
I'll have to remind myself not to feel wasteful when it's time to say goodbye to a "perfectly good" piece of clothing, or fearful that I may get rid of something I'll need in the future. God will see to my future needs. But He will not clean out my closets (believe me, I've asked). Apparently, only I can do that.
I hope to blissfully and thankfully let go of the things that no longer serve us, instead of fearfully clinging to stuff, "just in case." When I begin to worry that I'm letting go of too much- that I'm really, really going to need these things, I will remind myself of the wise words in Matthew 6:25-34.
When I daydream (and I will), that I may someday wriggle my buttocks back into the size 8 jeans I've been hanging onto for 22 years, I will declutter my thinking by reminding myself that if I succeed in becoming a size 8 again (heck, even a 10) that accomplishment will deserve a brand new pair of jeans, not some tired, old, out-of-style pair (...My way-too-small Wonder Woman t shirt is not going anywhere, however. Let's just make that clear right now. You will not even pry it from my cold, dead fingers, because I will be buried in it... even if it has to be slit up the back to make it fit).
Anyhoo... The unnecessary, material CRAP in my life- It's all going. And I hope, by the end of the year, I'll have a whole slew of posts showing my progress.
DECLUTTER my head
This is a biggie, because the success of this one will determine the outcome of every other goal I've set. I want to rid my head of the centuries-old (okay, maybe not that old, but "half-a-century-old" doesn't roll off the tongue), self-destructive patterns of thinking that bring me down every day.
While writing this post, I had the pleasure of reading a post called Drops of Awesome, which was shared on Facebook by a friend. If you didn't see it there, I hope you'll read it here. Honestly... If you're prone to beating yourself up the way I do, reading this will be one of those epiphany-inducing, life-changing things. For me, it was pure serendipity... or not. The timing of it was more like a "God thing," as it so closely reflected the new direction my own thoughts have been taking.
I want to be kinder to myself; cut myself the same amount of slack I'd give you... Stop looking at myself with a destructive, self-sabotaging throw-the-baby-out-with-the-bath-water mentality that says I'm either perfect, or I absolutely suck. Cuz guess what? I'm never, ever perfect.
I hope to focus more on the little, but good things I do- the "drops of awesome"- instead of constantly beating myself up for all the ways I fail each day.
DECLUTTER my time
This one doesn't need much chit-chat, does it? I mean... just that fact that I'm sitting here blogging right now with laundry to be done, or bills to pay tells you I could find more productive ways to spend my time. On the other hand? What would the two of you do without me?
I definitely want to carve out more meaningful time with my kids, though. Not just homeschool time. Not time spent together watching tv. But memory-making, fun, REAL time.
DECLUTTER my body
I want to be healthy. I want more energy. I also want to be smaller, but mostly, it's the health thing. I want those things so badly, yet I never achieve them.
I think we've established that I'm a picky, horribly unhealthy eater, right? Seriously, I'm like a 4 year old. I'd say at least half the foods offered on healthy meal plans are ones I think of as gross (Fish? No. I don't do fish. Veggies? Sure. I love loaded baked potatoes, corn on the cob- covered in butter and salt, or a nice healthy salad... topped with bacon, cheddar cheese and blue cheese dressing. Legumes and beans? I'll eat beans in chili, but that's about it. Hummus? I don't even know what that is. Never had it. Don't want it... See? I'm ridiculous). So, when I do try to "eat healthy?" I get hungry and feel deprived... which becomes overwhelming, depressing and, ultimately, unrealistic.
I know I'll never be healthy if I don't tackle the pickiness problem. I need to learn to work around it, or with it- gradually, instead of expecting to change it over night. This goes back to that idea of throwing the baby out with the bath water. My approach to eating healthfully (like my approach to everything else) has always been too all or nothing. I throw out all the junk in the house, eat one "last meal" of good food (like taco pizza followed by chocolate sheet cake or peach cobbler... You have to really treat yourself the night before you meet your doom, y'know?), then go to bed full, but already feeling sad and deprived over the life I'm leaving behind, and plan to change my entire life beginning at 7:00 the next morning.
It's all about how quickly I can lose a certain number of pounds, instead of being about a sustainable life change. It boils down to too many radical changes too soon; too many yucky new foods that I don't know how to prepare. I'm defeated and eating ice cream by 3:30 pm. Then, I wait for the next Monday to begin again, because in my all-or-nothing head, diets always start on a Monday, so ultimately every Sunday night becomes a "last meal" night before the "fresh start" on Monday morning. Is it any wonder I'm fat?
This year, I'm going to focus on feeding myself the way I'd feed a toddler, since I'm so good at behaving like one. I'm trying to introduce new, healthy foods a little at a time. Making gradual, positive changes seems so much more doable to me than taking away all the bad foods I love so much. Right now, for example, I can't imagine a morning that begins without Diet Pepsi. I cannot envision drinking nothing but boring, plain water. Ick. So, for now, I will cling to my beloved DP, but also add a glass or two of water to my day. I will eat my taco pizza, but with a salad or handful of baby carrots.
This morning, I had a whole grain English muffin for breakfast. It had butter and jelly on it, but I ate something whole grain for breakfast. Yay, me! Usually, I don't eat breakfast at all, and when I do? It's chocolate. Progress, people!
It will be about ADDING, not TAKING AWAY. Drops of Awesome. Hopefully, by the end of the year, I will have a bucket full of awesome- those bad foods I adore and crave will have been replaced one by one as I learn to make and like healthier choices, and the process will not have seemed so overwhelming and difficult.
DECLUTTER my spirit
I want to rid myself of any activity, thought or thing that detracts from my relationship with God and is unhealthy for my soul. If my spirit suffers, my relationships with those I love will suffer, and of course, I suffer as well. I want more time in His Word and spent in prayer. Easier said than done, but that's the goal. Also? Maybe I need to think more carefully about what I spend my time watching and reading. What area(s) of my life am I still withholding from God? Maybe I need to look more carefully at the people in my life, which leads me to...
DECLUTTER my peeps
I've already touched on this topic a little in my last couple posts. I use up way too much time and energy dealing with people who do not add anything positive to my life. Those days are done (I hope). I do not wish to become more selfish, but maybe a little more self-focused (in a good way!); just in remembering to consider my own well-being and emotional/spiritual health, along with others' when choosing who and what deserves my time.
DECLUTTER my marriage/other relationships
This does not mean I'm getting a divorce or leaving my family. Nor am I devising ways (sinister or otherwise) to get rid of family members (heehee). I'm not even plotting ways to change their behavior. To me, this means choosing to lay aside my own behaviors that add nothing positive to my relationships.
Do you have anyone in your life with whom you argue? Do those arguments ever seem to be um... let's say "redundant," or unproductive? Do you ever feel as if you've been having the same, dang argument with someone- over and over and over- for years, with no resolution? Help me out here, guys. Surely, I can't be the only one, can I?
What's that oft-used saying about the definition of insanity? Isn't it "doing the same thing over and over, but expecting different results?" I've thought of that expression quite a bit this last year, since I've pretty much been living it. Sometimes, it's like I'm in that movie Groundhog Day. That can start making you feel a little nuts, after a while, guys. It's not healthy.
When we know certain words, tones, attitudes will only lead to an argument (or all-out, knock-down-drag-out fight) that has no positive solution, what ultimate purpose does it serve? Arguing for the sake of "fixing" something can be healthy, but, there comes a point... A point when you know you're not arguing so you can solve or help. You're arguing so you can hurt. You're arguing just because that's what you do with this person. And that can't really even be called an "argument" anymore. It's bickering. Petty, obnoxious bickering.
Oftentimes in relationships, it seems we see a storm brewing and steer toward it; we say our well-rehearsed, destructive lines, with feet even more firmly planted in our already deeply held positions, then we walk away no closer to a solution; only more angry, bitter, and frustrated than before.
Lather, rinse, repeat.
I want to be done with that. I want to feel like I'm moving forward and making progress, not spinning my wheels. My life is (at least) half over. Why waste one more day with anger or petty behaviors? Those things clog and clutter my relationship with God and affect people I love. Why give any person that kind of power over my life? I can't make someone else stop hurting me. But I can respond to hurt differently. I can't make other people get along with me. But I can stop actively participating in conversations that have no productive outcome or benefit.
This will be one of the harder goals to put into practice. It will mean biting my tongue... A LOT... And I'm not a tongue-biting kind of girl. I don't know if you've noticed that. It will mean refusing to take the bait. It will mean saying I'm wrong when I know I'm right. It will mean letting the other guy "win." So what? If I can live a calmer, happier, more peaceful life, am I not winning, too?
I think the theme of DECLUTTERING will be a frequent one here in this coming year, as I delve into all the areas of my life that need a little trimming. I hope I'll have heaps of progress to share.
What about you? Did you choose a word, theme, or goal for the year? Any words of wisdom to share as we all venture into this new year? If so, I'd love to hear it!
You know, you all have gotten very quiet and rarely comment. What gives? What's the fun in doing all this talking if no one talks back? Maybe your word for this year should be COMMENT!
Showing posts with label God/Faith/Prayer. Show all posts
Showing posts with label God/Faith/Prayer. Show all posts
Sunday, January 6, 2013
Sunday, December 30, 2012
The year in review...
Recapping 2012... Where to begin? Oh, I know. How 'bout this? 2012 was even suckier than 2011. And I reeaaally thought 2011 was our suckiest year ever. Then, along came 2012 to prove to me that I was incorrect in that assessment. Like a little smartypants, 2012 had to show me I don't know as much as I think I do. 2012 was a year full of surprises, such as:
Of course, I still see the good. There was some good. There is always something to be thankful for, right? My kids are all alive, healthy and doing well. We've had setbacks, but we're still here. I have precious friends and family who have been there for us through all the stress. And I know that, as bad as the past two years have been, it could always be worse. So, thank God it wasn't! Focus on the GOOD, amen?
How was your year? I hope it was better than mine. And I say that with absolute sincerity. Because, did I mention? My year? Not so much with the good. Honestly, I'm not sure this old girl can handle another year as rough as the last two. Please, God, let 2013 be a good year; a year of health, happiness, safety, blessings and profitable jobs.
Maybe I shouldn't even be doing a post like this right now- one that requires reflection and contemplation- considering the mood I've been in. I don't especially like people right now. Just call me... Miss Ann Thrope. ...Or Eeyore. Take your pick. I'm giving up on humanity.
So consider yourself warned. Here it comes.
I've been in a funk, I guess you could say, although I really hate that expression. Funk. What does that even mean? It makes me think of Sly and the Family Stone, or something (That band always looked like they were having So. Much. Fun, y' know? I'm sure there were considerable chemical enhancements going on. But... I digress).
Ehhnywaay. I've just been in a really dark, dreary slump since before the holidays and I can't seem to shake it. I keep trying, but... Meh.
I felt a Scrooge-y mood coming on while being sick for so long. That gets a little depressing after a while, especially around the holidays when you have much to do with a deadline looming and know you're not going to get it done. I got better for a few days, then got sick again. And I'm still sick. I'm exhausted. This year's batch of crud really seems to be hitting hard. Lots of people are in the same boat, I know. And I feel for ya. My kids all seem to finally be past it. Thank God for that. Please, let it stay that way. My turn next!
Then Scrooge became mixed with... Oh, I don't know... Sylvia Plath, maybe? The shootings in CT... God help us. Was there anything worse than that? That brought everyone down. Obviously. And then the crap storm that followed. Good Lord. What a downer.
I don't know why I still get shocked over how easily (and quickly) supposedly sane, rational human beings can become, um... not sane and rational, but I do. Sometimes it seems that all of mankind is striving to devolve into chimpanzees, flinging poop at each other. And that makes me sad. And scared.
And so... I find myself often wishing I could just go back to bed. And that's not good.
Remember how after 9/11, people kind of came together for a little while? How that tragedy sort of unified everyone? It didn't matter who believed what... Everyone was on the same side. For a few minutes. People understood that the crisis involved all of us and it was bigger than any one person's opinion and that was good for us (not the tragedy, obvs- but the reminder that we, as Americans, can choose to unite when needed).
Those days are gone, aren't they? They're not coming back. The crises we currently face as a society are many. And serious. But no one has that rally together, can-do spirit anymore. It's a 'scr*w you' spirit, if anything. There's no desire to find common ground; not in our government, and not with individuals.
It rarely occurs to anyone now to think, "You know... Maybe I don't have all the answers. This particular moment may not be the appropriate time for me to shout my political opinions in your face. Maybe this one flippin' moment isn't all about me and I should shut up for a second and listen."
No... No one listens. No one compromises. No one respectfully disagrees or believes in "live and let live" anymore. Now we only focus on the things that divide. No, it's worse than that-- we try to divide. We look for the scab to pick. We incite. We instigate. We blame. We put our fingers in our ears to block out every voice but our own and we blame. We blame. We blame.
Society is unraveling and everyone just wants to yank on the threads.
Am I being a drama queen? I honestly feel like the country's headed for Hell in a hand basket, although I've never been sure of what, exactly, a hand basket is (Is it just a basket with handles?). Is that overly dramatic, or just an accurate observation?
Well, well... This was a little tangent I hadn't planned to explore. But since it's out there, I'm going to go with it, because there's been a lot of stuff rattling around up here that needs to find its way out.
I guess I can actually tie this topic back into the idea of the New Year, and an annual recap... Since the current level of political, social, religious, and cultural discord in our country is leading me into a new attitude. I feel a change taking place in my heart and mind.
I've recently learned (am learning) that anyone who doesn't want to know what I think is not really my friend and is not worth my time. Sounds like a no-brainer, doesn't it? But this 46 year old has spent years behaving like an awkward, nerdy 10 year old who convinces herself that the cool kids laughing at her are laughing with her and really are her friends.
I touched on this a little in my last post, too- so I don't want to be a broken record, here... But, I often feel it's me- and only me- who is left feeling like I should apologize after a disagreement for how I think or feel- no, for who I am- just to "keep the peace," even if I'm the one who was hurt or offended. Do you ever feel that way?
I'm done with that.
2013 is going to bring out a new Michelle. A more confident, happier Michelle, I hope. I refuse to apologize for who I am anymore. For what I do or say (if it's wrong)? Yes, definitely. But I'm sick of walking on eggshells to keep some people appeased and tiptoeing around the feelings of people who care nothing about mine. I'm soooo sick of carefully trying to craft Every. Single. Flipping. Word I say, like I'm writing a legal document, for Pete's sake, so as not to offend someone who is bound and determined to be offended. You know people like this, too, right? Those who look for arguments? Who pick out one or two words among the many you've spoken to zero in on and gripe? They want to be offended, so they can complain about being offended, while not giving a rat's a** about offending you.
So, my New 2013 Motto: If you don't like me? Okay. Someone else will. And doggone it... I like me (said in my very best Stuart Smalley voice).
Does that mean the new, improved 2013 Michelle is going to be a Gigantic Horse's Butt? No. Well, no more than usual, anyway. I'm not saying I will dig in my heels, try to be more offensive and refuse to apologize for it. That would make me as self-centered, hypocritical and inconsiderate as some of my so-called "tolerant, open-minded" friends.
So, maybe the main change for the new year will not be so much in my own external behavior, but in learning to redefine the word Friend; learning to value myself enough to free myself from the people who have not earned that title.
I'm very aware there are times when I don't choose my words and deeds carefully enough and need to apologize (we all do that, peeps), so that won't change. I try to be respectful to any friend- No, to anyone, really- who thinks differently than I do (within reason, of course. I wouldn't be respectful if you were proposing we go down to the crick and drown a bag of kittens, for example), and I certainly don't plan on changing that. I like the fact that, while my opinions and beliefs are strongly held and deeply felt, I'm still able to sit and listen to yours without turning into a rabid dog going for your throat. And I'd be oh-so-happy if others would extend the same courtesy to me. That's what a friendship is. A give and take. An open exchange. A two-way street, and all that happy crap.
I'm willing to consider the different angles of an issue. I may not change my opinion, but I'll at least put everything on the table and have a look. Some things are black and white, but many things are not. And when we become entrenched and unyielding in those things that are not, we lose the ability to see the solution. We lose Reason. Not to mention? We make total arses of ourselves and lose credibility, along with the respect of others.
I do try to understand where others are coming from, and how they got there, even if I can't agree with their views or ideas. I hope to learn from them. I want to learn from them. That's what makes us grow and be better people, right? But frankly? Some of my more Liberal-leaningfriends acquaintances (no, my friends are not this obtuse, so we'll say acquaintances) don't really give a crap to learn anything from me. They don't feel they need to, after all. Because they're right and I'm wrong and I just need to benefit from their pithy, Anderson Cooper-y wisdom. It's clear that some of them think their Liberal views give them an intellectual and moral superiority. And I don't especially like being castigated or talked down to, thank you very much, like I'm just some big ol' dufus, especially by those who are too unintelligent to craft an argument without resorting to name-calling (BIGOT! CLOSED-MINDED! STUPID! CRAZY! JACKA**!) to make their point (way to go, btw, on that whole anti-bullying thing, there, guys. Dan Savage's anti-bullying campaign, for example, where he goes into high schools and rips pages from Bibles, calls the Bible "BS" and calls Christian kids pansy-as*ed really helps to drive home the message that tolerance is right and bullying is wrong).
And by the way, as long as I'm rambling about the name-calling... You know, being devout or steadfast in one's beliefs is not the same thing as being "closed-minded." Closed-minded means: "Having a mind firmly unreceptive to new ideas or arguments." (I believe, in fact, there is a pic of Dan Savage next to the dictionary entry). I can be resolute in my own beliefs while still being receptive and willing to listen to and tolerate yours. Can you? When you accuse me of being closed-minded because my beliefs don't line up with yours, yet you won't take time to learn why and how I feel as I do... It is you, dear one, who is the closed-minded one.
Anyhoozy... I'm just finally realizing that if you don't want to hear what I think, how I feel, how I view the world... If you can't listen to a few mentions of God, faith or prayer without cringing, mocking and rolling your eyes (while giving me the "Wow, I didn't realize you're such a moron" look)... If the phrases "family values," "right to bear arms," etc., make you ready to pounce before you even bother to ask me what those ideas mean to me... If I'm supposed to tolerate and accept your views with an open mind, while you refuse to tolerate or even listen, respectfully to mine... Well, then... You don't truly have an interest in KNOWING ME, do you? Which means... (and this is where my awesome deductive reasoning skills come into play) you are NOT my friend.
For the record, I disagree with my Conservative friends, too, sometimes- and they with me. I'm not trying to single out one crowd over the other, just calling it like I see it. I find there's a more willing, open exchange of ideas with them; more room to disagree than with Liberals. They don't seem as determined to impose their beliefs upon me when we differ, or as eager to "correct" my supposed errant way of thinking.
In all honesty, I will probably continue to go the extra mile with difficult people and offer them the respect I wish they'd show me, but I will no longer apologize for who I am. I can't count the number of times the words "I'm sorry" have come out of my mouth when they shouldn't have; when I'd done or said nothing wrong.
I am a Conservative. Conservative is not synonymous with Idiot, Bigot, Hate-Monger, or Racist. I am none of those things.
I am a Christian. Being a person of faith does not mean I am irrational, unreasonable, childish, backwards or stupid. "Christian" does not just describe my belief system. It's not a religion, as I'm not a particularly religious person. Christian is who I am. It's part of me. The biggest part. It colors every other thing I think and do. And I like that about myself. It is not wrong and it will not change. If you don't like those things, then you don't like ME.
I hope I've made this clear and don't really need to say it, but, obviously, this little discourse does not apply to all of my Liberal friends. Some of you are very open-minded and willing to consider and rationally discuss different sides of an issue, and I appreciate that quality so much. Some of you are very kind and respectful to others whose beliefs and views differ from yours. Thank you for that! And yay, you. That's part of what makes me love you! In fact, I'd say that all of the people I truly consider my friends are that way. So if my Happy New Year Dissertation doesn't apply to you? Please don't get all bent out of shape and try to pick a fight or leave a nasty comment... Or jump me in the parking lot. I'm not up for it. If I felt like fighting, I'd go chat with the hub (jk... kinda).
Oy. This was an interesting little rabbit hole. But there you have it. The Michelle of 2013 is just as verbose and prone to veering all over the place as the Michelle of 2012. I guess some of that's been back building for a while. So, you see? I told ya. I'm in an ugly mood, and maybe should have waited for it to pass before posting. But I don't think these feelings are going to fade anytime soon.
I'd better wrap it up, before I lose every friend I've ever had. I sincerely do hope all of you have a happy New Year. May 2013 be YOUR year! And MINE!
Despite my cruddy mood at present, my New Year's wish for you, friends, is this...
- I'm surprised I'm still married (I suppose the hub is, too- so I'm not dissing the man behind his back. If we weren't Christians, I'm fairly certain we wouldn't be. Yes, it's gotten that rough. Seriously, how do non-believers stand each other when times get tough? What do they fall back on?).
- I'm surprised we still have a roof over our heads. Business continues to be poor. The hub has no job at all right now, in fact- and once again, we have no idea what's going to happen, which is just fanflippingtastic.
- I'm surprised I'm not in a rubber room somewhere singing Twinkle Twinkle Little Star to an imaginary friend, which is not a testament to my strength, but to God's.
- I'm still fat. That one? Not so much a surprise.
Of course, I still see the good. There was some good. There is always something to be thankful for, right? My kids are all alive, healthy and doing well. We've had setbacks, but we're still here. I have precious friends and family who have been there for us through all the stress. And I know that, as bad as the past two years have been, it could always be worse. So, thank God it wasn't! Focus on the GOOD, amen?
How was your year? I hope it was better than mine. And I say that with absolute sincerity. Because, did I mention? My year? Not so much with the good. Honestly, I'm not sure this old girl can handle another year as rough as the last two. Please, God, let 2013 be a good year; a year of health, happiness, safety, blessings and profitable jobs.
Maybe I shouldn't even be doing a post like this right now- one that requires reflection and contemplation- considering the mood I've been in. I don't especially like people right now. Just call me... Miss Ann Thrope. ...Or Eeyore. Take your pick. I'm giving up on humanity.
So consider yourself warned. Here it comes.
I've been in a funk, I guess you could say, although I really hate that expression. Funk. What does that even mean? It makes me think of Sly and the Family Stone, or something (That band always looked like they were having So. Much. Fun, y' know? I'm sure there were considerable chemical enhancements going on. But... I digress).
Ehhnywaay. I've just been in a really dark, dreary slump since before the holidays and I can't seem to shake it. I keep trying, but... Meh.
I felt a Scrooge-y mood coming on while being sick for so long. That gets a little depressing after a while, especially around the holidays when you have much to do with a deadline looming and know you're not going to get it done. I got better for a few days, then got sick again. And I'm still sick. I'm exhausted. This year's batch of crud really seems to be hitting hard. Lots of people are in the same boat, I know. And I feel for ya. My kids all seem to finally be past it. Thank God for that. Please, let it stay that way. My turn next!
Then Scrooge became mixed with... Oh, I don't know... Sylvia Plath, maybe? The shootings in CT... God help us. Was there anything worse than that? That brought everyone down. Obviously. And then the crap storm that followed. Good Lord. What a downer.
I don't know why I still get shocked over how easily (and quickly) supposedly sane, rational human beings can become, um... not sane and rational, but I do. Sometimes it seems that all of mankind is striving to devolve into chimpanzees, flinging poop at each other. And that makes me sad. And scared.
And so... I find myself often wishing I could just go back to bed. And that's not good.
Remember how after 9/11, people kind of came together for a little while? How that tragedy sort of unified everyone? It didn't matter who believed what... Everyone was on the same side. For a few minutes. People understood that the crisis involved all of us and it was bigger than any one person's opinion and that was good for us (not the tragedy, obvs- but the reminder that we, as Americans, can choose to unite when needed).
Those days are gone, aren't they? They're not coming back. The crises we currently face as a society are many. And serious. But no one has that rally together, can-do spirit anymore. It's a 'scr*w you' spirit, if anything. There's no desire to find common ground; not in our government, and not with individuals.
It rarely occurs to anyone now to think, "You know... Maybe I don't have all the answers. This particular moment may not be the appropriate time for me to shout my political opinions in your face. Maybe this one flippin' moment isn't all about me and I should shut up for a second and listen."
No... No one listens. No one compromises. No one respectfully disagrees or believes in "live and let live" anymore. Now we only focus on the things that divide. No, it's worse than that-- we try to divide. We look for the scab to pick. We incite. We instigate. We blame. We put our fingers in our ears to block out every voice but our own and we blame. We blame. We blame.
Society is unraveling and everyone just wants to yank on the threads.
Am I being a drama queen? I honestly feel like the country's headed for Hell in a hand basket, although I've never been sure of what, exactly, a hand basket is (Is it just a basket with handles?). Is that overly dramatic, or just an accurate observation?
Well, well... This was a little tangent I hadn't planned to explore. But since it's out there, I'm going to go with it, because there's been a lot of stuff rattling around up here that needs to find its way out.
I guess I can actually tie this topic back into the idea of the New Year, and an annual recap... Since the current level of political, social, religious, and cultural discord in our country is leading me into a new attitude. I feel a change taking place in my heart and mind.
I've recently learned (am learning) that anyone who doesn't want to know what I think is not really my friend and is not worth my time. Sounds like a no-brainer, doesn't it? But this 46 year old has spent years behaving like an awkward, nerdy 10 year old who convinces herself that the cool kids laughing at her are laughing with her and really are her friends.
I touched on this a little in my last post, too- so I don't want to be a broken record, here... But, I often feel it's me- and only me- who is left feeling like I should apologize after a disagreement for how I think or feel- no, for who I am- just to "keep the peace," even if I'm the one who was hurt or offended. Do you ever feel that way?
I'm done with that.
2013 is going to bring out a new Michelle. A more confident, happier Michelle, I hope. I refuse to apologize for who I am anymore. For what I do or say (if it's wrong)? Yes, definitely. But I'm sick of walking on eggshells to keep some people appeased and tiptoeing around the feelings of people who care nothing about mine. I'm soooo sick of carefully trying to craft Every. Single. Flipping. Word I say, like I'm writing a legal document, for Pete's sake, so as not to offend someone who is bound and determined to be offended. You know people like this, too, right? Those who look for arguments? Who pick out one or two words among the many you've spoken to zero in on and gripe? They want to be offended, so they can complain about being offended, while not giving a rat's a** about offending you.
So, my New 2013 Motto: If you don't like me? Okay. Someone else will. And doggone it... I like me (said in my very best Stuart Smalley voice).
Does that mean the new, improved 2013 Michelle is going to be a Gigantic Horse's Butt? No. Well, no more than usual, anyway. I'm not saying I will dig in my heels, try to be more offensive and refuse to apologize for it. That would make me as self-centered, hypocritical and inconsiderate as some of my so-called "tolerant, open-minded" friends.
So, maybe the main change for the new year will not be so much in my own external behavior, but in learning to redefine the word Friend; learning to value myself enough to free myself from the people who have not earned that title.
I'm very aware there are times when I don't choose my words and deeds carefully enough and need to apologize (we all do that, peeps), so that won't change. I try to be respectful to any friend- No, to anyone, really- who thinks differently than I do (within reason, of course. I wouldn't be respectful if you were proposing we go down to the crick and drown a bag of kittens, for example), and I certainly don't plan on changing that. I like the fact that, while my opinions and beliefs are strongly held and deeply felt, I'm still able to sit and listen to yours without turning into a rabid dog going for your throat. And I'd be oh-so-happy if others would extend the same courtesy to me. That's what a friendship is. A give and take. An open exchange. A two-way street, and all that happy crap.
I'm willing to consider the different angles of an issue. I may not change my opinion, but I'll at least put everything on the table and have a look. Some things are black and white, but many things are not. And when we become entrenched and unyielding in those things that are not, we lose the ability to see the solution. We lose Reason. Not to mention? We make total arses of ourselves and lose credibility, along with the respect of others.
I do try to understand where others are coming from, and how they got there, even if I can't agree with their views or ideas. I hope to learn from them. I want to learn from them. That's what makes us grow and be better people, right? But frankly? Some of my more Liberal-leaning
And by the way, as long as I'm rambling about the name-calling... You know, being devout or steadfast in one's beliefs is not the same thing as being "closed-minded." Closed-minded means: "Having a mind firmly unreceptive to new ideas or arguments." (I believe, in fact, there is a pic of Dan Savage next to the dictionary entry). I can be resolute in my own beliefs while still being receptive and willing to listen to and tolerate yours. Can you? When you accuse me of being closed-minded because my beliefs don't line up with yours, yet you won't take time to learn why and how I feel as I do... It is you, dear one, who is the closed-minded one.
Anyhoozy... I'm just finally realizing that if you don't want to hear what I think, how I feel, how I view the world... If you can't listen to a few mentions of God, faith or prayer without cringing, mocking and rolling your eyes (while giving me the "Wow, I didn't realize you're such a moron" look)... If the phrases "family values," "right to bear arms," etc., make you ready to pounce before you even bother to ask me what those ideas mean to me... If I'm supposed to tolerate and accept your views with an open mind, while you refuse to tolerate or even listen, respectfully to mine... Well, then... You don't truly have an interest in KNOWING ME, do you? Which means... (and this is where my awesome deductive reasoning skills come into play) you are NOT my friend.
For the record, I disagree with my Conservative friends, too, sometimes- and they with me. I'm not trying to single out one crowd over the other, just calling it like I see it. I find there's a more willing, open exchange of ideas with them; more room to disagree than with Liberals. They don't seem as determined to impose their beliefs upon me when we differ, or as eager to "correct" my supposed errant way of thinking.
In all honesty, I will probably continue to go the extra mile with difficult people and offer them the respect I wish they'd show me, but I will no longer apologize for who I am. I can't count the number of times the words "I'm sorry" have come out of my mouth when they shouldn't have; when I'd done or said nothing wrong.
I am a Conservative. Conservative is not synonymous with Idiot, Bigot, Hate-Monger, or Racist. I am none of those things.
I am a Christian. Being a person of faith does not mean I am irrational, unreasonable, childish, backwards or stupid. "Christian" does not just describe my belief system. It's not a religion, as I'm not a particularly religious person. Christian is who I am. It's part of me. The biggest part. It colors every other thing I think and do. And I like that about myself. It is not wrong and it will not change. If you don't like those things, then you don't like ME.
I hope I've made this clear and don't really need to say it, but, obviously, this little discourse does not apply to all of my Liberal friends. Some of you are very open-minded and willing to consider and rationally discuss different sides of an issue, and I appreciate that quality so much. Some of you are very kind and respectful to others whose beliefs and views differ from yours. Thank you for that! And yay, you. That's part of what makes me love you! In fact, I'd say that all of the people I truly consider my friends are that way. So if my Happy New Year Dissertation doesn't apply to you? Please don't get all bent out of shape and try to pick a fight or leave a nasty comment... Or jump me in the parking lot. I'm not up for it. If I felt like fighting, I'd go chat with the hub (jk... kinda).
Oy. This was an interesting little rabbit hole. But there you have it. The Michelle of 2013 is just as verbose and prone to veering all over the place as the Michelle of 2012. I guess some of that's been back building for a while. So, you see? I told ya. I'm in an ugly mood, and maybe should have waited for it to pass before posting. But I don't think these feelings are going to fade anytime soon.
I'd better wrap it up, before I lose every friend I've ever had. I sincerely do hope all of you have a happy New Year. May 2013 be YOUR year! And MINE!
Despite my cruddy mood at present, my New Year's wish for you, friends, is this...
- May the Lord bless you and keep you, and make his face shine upon you, and be gracious to you and give you peace. (Nu. 6:24-26)
- May the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. (Phil. 4:7)
- God bless us, every one! (Tiny Tim)
- And may the odds be ever in your favor! (Hunger Games)
Wednesday, October 24, 2012
Facebook Status
For those of you who know me on Facebook, this post is a repeat. You may want to skip it altogether... Unless you'd like to start a juicy discussion in the comments! ??? I'm so blessed to have an interesting mix of political and religious viewpoints among my blogging friends, so I'd love to hear your opinions about Richard Mourdock's recent comments regarding rape and pregnancy. Here are mine (and this is the repetitive part; a copy of my most recent fb status):
I'm struggling to understand all the fuss and fury over Richard Mourdock's comments. When you really look at what he said, and not what the Liberals are twisting his words to mean, how is it all that bad? How is it "demeaning to women?" I can see why his comments would ruffle the feathers of non-Believers who do not choose to acknowledge God's purpose in ANYTHING. I can see why it would offend the pro-abortionists who do not place value on ANY unborn child's life... But how does it demean a woman to say God created her child with a purpose?
I DO believe my birth was part of God's plan, and I'm not sorry for that. Am I happy my birth mother was raped so that I could be here? Of course not. Is God? Absolutely NOT! But... I DO believe I was "intended" by God to be here, and 'deserve' to be here just as surely as any 'planned' or 'wanted' child, conceived in a loving relationship. Thank God my birth mother thought so, too. She did not
I DO believe my birth was part of God's plan, and I'm not sorry for that. Am I happy my birth mother was raped so that I could be here? Of course not. Is God? Absolutely NOT! But... I DO believe I was "intended" by God to be here, and 'deserve' to be here just as surely as any 'planned' or 'wanted' child, conceived in a loving relationship. Thank God my birth mother thought so, too. She did not
(and emotionally could not) choose to parent me, and no one would fault her for that. But, instead of punishing me for the crime committed against her, she lovingly chose adoption. Should I have been aborted because some disgusting excuse of a human being committed a crime against her?
The sad thing is knowing that some of you are answering 'Yes.'
Despite the circumstances of my conception, I know God has a plan and purpose for my life (and I see that purpose every time I look into the beautiful faces of my own children). Isn't that all Mourdock is saying? God has a plan in all things, for all people? And that sentiment is somehow demeaning to women? He never said rape is God's plan for women. In fact, he said the opposite.
Thoughts, anyone?
Sunday, July 29, 2012
Deep Thoughts With Michelle
I've had so many posts rolling around in my head lately that they're actually starting to make noise up there when they clink together. I'm pretty sure others can hear it, too. And they're important posts... Not my usual, goofy tripe. We're talking Deep, Deep Stuff here... Intellectually stimulating. Spiritually convicting. Inspiring. Thought-provoking. All that crap.
Alas, I just haven't had the time to get these masterpieces written down (And, by the way, have I ever told you I got a job? That's what I've been doing with my time. Well, that and being a mom... and writhing in unbearable pain, but whatevs. The job's no big deal. I'm just a cashier at a store you've probably heard of: Mal-Wart. You would not beeelieeeeve how many posts I'd like to write about that! And, just FYI, it's killing me. The job, I mean. I'm dying a slow, painful death and shall one day very soon collapse atop my conveyor belt on register 5. But... It's no big deal).
Anyway... I've had much I wanted to say about Christians, Christian Bashing, Gays, Gay Bashing, Chick-Fil-A, Freedom of Speech and the Left's never-ending tendency to force their opinions (and agendas) down everyone's throats and quash the voices of all who disagree with them like two year olds who stick their fingers in their ears, then take their toys and run home crying...
See? Deep, Deep Stuff. You had no idea I even thought of any Deep, Deep Stuff, did you? Hey, it's not all hot flashes and peed-in pants around here. I can think real thoughts. ...Sometimes.
Since I've been unable to complete any of these awe-inspiring, future award-winning posts, I decided to share one that already says a portion of what I would say if only I had time to say it: If you haven't already seen this on my FB wall, you can read it here at Jen Hatmaker's blog. The post is: In The Basement, and it's wonderful...
I hope you'll read it. I loved it. It brings to mind a few lines from a Casting Crowns song (Jesus, Friend of Sinners):
I'm out.
Alas, I just haven't had the time to get these masterpieces written down (And, by the way, have I ever told you I got a job? That's what I've been doing with my time. Well, that and being a mom... and writhing in unbearable pain, but whatevs. The job's no big deal. I'm just a cashier at a store you've probably heard of: Mal-Wart. You would not beeelieeeeve how many posts I'd like to write about that! And, just FYI, it's killing me. The job, I mean. I'm dying a slow, painful death and shall one day very soon collapse atop my conveyor belt on register 5. But... It's no big deal).
Anyway... I've had much I wanted to say about Christians, Christian Bashing, Gays, Gay Bashing, Chick-Fil-A, Freedom of Speech and the Left's never-ending tendency to force their opinions (and agendas) down everyone's throats and quash the voices of all who disagree with them like two year olds who stick their fingers in their ears, then take their toys and run home crying...
See? Deep, Deep Stuff. You had no idea I even thought of any Deep, Deep Stuff, did you? Hey, it's not all hot flashes and peed-in pants around here. I can think real thoughts. ...Sometimes.
Since I've been unable to complete any of these awe-inspiring, future award-winning posts, I decided to share one that already says a portion of what I would say if only I had time to say it: If you haven't already seen this on my FB wall, you can read it here at Jen Hatmaker's blog. The post is: In The Basement, and it's wonderful...
I hope you'll read it. I loved it. It brings to mind a few lines from a Casting Crowns song (Jesus, Friend of Sinners):
Jesus, friend of sinners
We have strayed so far away
We cut down people in Your name
But the sword was never ours to swing
Jesus, friend of sinners
The truth’s become so hard to see
The world is on their way to You
But they’re tripping over me...
Oh Jesus, friend of sinners
Open our eyes to the world
At the end our pointing fingers
Let our hearts be led by mercy
Help us reach with open hearts and open doors
Oh Jesus, friend of sinners
Break our hearts for what breaks Yours...
Nobody knows what we’re forGood song. Good post (Jen Hatmaker's, I mean, not mine). Read it. That's all I have time for today. Hope you're well and happy. Tales From Mal-Wart soon to follow.
Only what we’re against
When we judge the wounded
What if we put down our signs
Crossed over the lines
And loved like You did...
I'm out.
Friday, April 20, 2012
The Latest
This is crazy-long. I would suggest splitting this post into 3 chunks, stopping for meals in between. Of course, it never matters what I'm doing- I always suggest stopping for meals in between.
So, anyway... The day I once dreaded years ago as a young, new, homeschooling mom finally came to pass. On Tuesday, March 6th, around 2:30- shortly before school ended for the day- there was a knock at my front door. The lady standing on our porch was holding a clipboard so my first thought was, "Oh. Crap. This is probably some voter's survey/political polling kind of thing. I hope she's not hard to get rid of... And please God, don't let her be a Democrat. The day's been too long already to deal with a Democrat."
(I didn't really think that last part... I just threw that in for the benefit of my Dem friends.)
Within two minutes, I was wishing she was just doing some voter's survey kind of thing.
But, no. She was a social worker with SRS (you might know them as DFS or CPS). They had gotten a call from "someone" with "a few concerns" about our children.
"Whaaat???"
I started to pee my pants. And not in the good way.
Concerns? CONCERNS? What concerns? When I find out who did this, someone better be concerned about getting smacked with a bag of oranges, cuz that's what I'm fixin' to do.
I can't even tell you how shocked/confused/scared/brain dead I felt. I honestly had to tell myself to close my mouth and try to think of what to say.
I thought maybe someone had seen my kids at home on school days and, not knowing we teach them at home, called in the complaint. So I told her we home school, thinking she'd say, "Oh! Okay. That explains it. Sorry to have bothered you. Have a lovely afternoon!"
That's not what she said. She said, "Yes. The concern is that they are so far behind in school that it's affecting their day-to-day ability to function."
I was all like...
...
...
Then, I was kinda like...
...
...
...
"...Whaaaa...?"
In other words, I was still standing there with my mouth hanging open like an idiot, not knowing how to respond.
Then? She mentioned the specific charge was "emotional neglect."
EMOTIONAL NEGLECT! If that doesn't make your head spin...
Someone is accusing me of not taking care of my kids. Someone who knows I home school is saying I'm doing a terrible job. Who would do that? They're calling me a lousy mom. Who did this? They're saying something's wrong with my kids. With me. Who did this? Say something, Michelle. Say something!
So I did. I said, "Whaaat?" Again. And maybe, "Excuuuuse me?"
She thrust a pamphlet into my hand which had scary titles and captions on it, like: What to do if your children are removed from your home...
I began to focus on her teeth as she talked. They were stained and mottled. Brownish. Icky.
Is this really happening? Is there really a stranger with horrible dental hygiene standing on my porch judging me? She can handle the responsibility of deciding whether or not to remove my kids, but she can't handle a tube of Crest? What in the name of all that is holy and minty-fresh is going on here?
Here's the thing... I've been teaching my kids for 16 years now and I've never had something like this happen. I totally forgot what I was supposed to do, which was to leave her on the porch, go get HSLDA on the phone while she was still there, and put her on the phone with the attorney. I didn't do that. I stood there. I think I started repeating, "I can't imagine who would do this to us," and "I don't understand," "I don't understand," "I don't understand."
I have no doubt she thought, "No wonder these poor kids are behind in school. Look at the moron in charge of their educations."
She wanted to come in and talk to the children and get this "all sorted out." Despite my cluelessness, I did summon enough sense to remember I was not supposed to let her in the house. I told her we were members of HSLDA (and explained what that was, *as I did below, in case you don't know who they are), and I would need to call them to find out what I was supposed to do next. I also said she'd need to call me to schedule a more convenient time to return, instead of coming during school hours (the irony of her expecting me to drop everything in the middle of a school day so she can tell me I'm not doing a good enough job educating my kids is really something special, is it not?). I tried to make it clear that I was not refusing to speak with her- that I did want to cooperate and get the whole thing resolved- but I'd need to call HSLDA first.
She remained friendly... ish. She did make one creepy, thinly-veiled threat when she said, "This really would go much easier for you if you'd just let me in."
Not by the hairs of my chinny-chin-chin, honey.
Then she left and I went nuts. My hands were visibly shaking as I rummaged around for my phone. I got the attorney on the phone and found out I had messed up. He needed to speak to her and I waited until she left to call. Cripes. He got a little pissy
I called her back right away, but she wasn't back in her office yet. An hour or so later, I called again. I left two voicemails saying I was ready to set an appointment for her to come back.
That night, I was a nervous wreck. We prayed that God would help us resolve this thing quickly and easily, but still... I worried. We're far from the perfect homeschooling family, you know? I was thinking of plenty of reasons to worry. Heck, we're not even close to "normal," let alone perfect. In fact, on any given evening, it would be reasonable for you to assume my family is reenacting scenes from a very special episode of Roseanne.
And now we'll have to open up our home, our family, our lives for the SRS to pick apart? We have to prove our innocence and ourselves to people who don't even know us? And what does my accuser have to prove? NOTHING! What if my school records aren't clear or thorough enough? What if they decide my kids really aren't smart enough? Of course, there are plenty of public-schooled morons kids their ages who can't string two sentences together or know how much change they should get back from a dollar after buying a pack of gum, but that won't matter. Will I have to let them interview my kids? Look through my house? What's going to happen?
I realized there were all sorts of questions I should have asked... to both the social worker and the attorney. I would have felt (and slept) better if I would have asked more questions and felt prepared for whatever was to come. I'm not one of those people who gets a rush of excitement when faced with the unknown. I'm a control-freak. The unknown scares me silly.
Oh, God, what is going to happen?
Instead of sleeping, I recalled every scary case I'd ever heard about home school families who'd lost their children- watched them being taken away by police and social workers- simply because they didn't want their kids interviewed or their homes searched for no good reason (Yes, it has happened. Really). Was that getting ready to happen to me?
I should mention at this point that one of my children has some learning issues/disabilities. I never talk about it here because she is self-conscious about it (which is something we're working on). Her struggles are a constant source of frustration for her, and I would never want to embarrass her. I only tell you this now so you can fully understand my fear. By this time the whole family had a pretty strong hunch who had called SRS, but I was also wondering if someone who doesn't know us well enough to know about my daughter's "issues" saw her around town or heard her speak and got the wrong impression about her education (or lack thereof). To someone on the outside looking in, she would appear to be "behind" (I do not view her that way. I'm trying to teach her not to view herself that way. If you're doing the very best you can with the abilities God has given you, working at your own level and improving at your own pace, then how can you be behind? You can only be considered ahead or behind when measured against the achievements of others- which is a goofy thing to do to a child, as opposed to teaching them to strive for their own personal best, but that's what public school is all about). I spent that first sleepless night worrying about what would happen as soon as the SRS discovered my "behind" kid. Would she be the living proof they need to say I'm not doing my job?
The next morning, I left a third message for the social worker. She never called back. After showing up and scaring the crap out of me, she couldn't even have the decency to call back. After 3 voice mails, the attorney advised me to stop calling (actually, it was more like, "STOP CALLING!!!"). He said I'd kept my word and done my part. Why keep pestering her if she's in no hurry to come back? Maybe she'd just leave us alone (although, he made it clear he didn't actually believe she would).
Weeks passed.
We started thinking maybe she really was going to drop it. We even got so comfortable, we began making fun of our family's supposed inability to function on a day-to-day basis. For days I heard one smarty-pants comment after another:
...
...
"WHAAAT?"
"Yeah. She called my phone looking for you. Weeks ago. She wanted to set up a time to come back out to the house."
I'm going to edit this particular portion of our conversation. There's no need for you to know how I responded to my sweetheart, my dear one, the sunshine of my life. Suffice it to say I was, uh, displeased that he could forget to tell me something that important. Yes, displeased. That's what I was.
I found out she had called him at least a week before he told me (oh-so-very-displeased).
Well, crap. I called her back that second and left another voicemail. Then, I prayed like crazy that night.
"God, please just let this come to nothing. Let there be no investigation. I know you can get us through it and can handle whatever happens, but let it just go away."
The next day, the 10th, was Bri's birthday so I tried not to think about it, although the worry was eating a hole in my gut. When the end of the business day came and SRS hadn't called me back I was disgusted with her all over again.
Then... Wednesday, April 11th: We got a letter in the mail from SRS, postmarked the 10th. It said the investigation is closed and the claims were found to be unsubstantiated.
...
...
"Whaaaat...?"
I honestly don't know how or why our "case" was closed without an investigation... But do I really care? HECK NO! I'm considering it an answer to prayer and counting my blessings. That was exactly what I'd asked God to do, not really thinking He would- I guess- since I was shocked when He did.
As for the person who called in the complaint about us in the first place? Of course, we'll never know for sure. Since the SRS functions under a system where you can anonymously accuse anyone of anything, we're not allowed to know who claimed we abused/neglected/whatever the h*ll we supposedly did to our kids. That would be infringing on their right to privacy (*snort*- I'm so funny sometimes). But! We suspect a neighbor. A nutty neighbor. A true A*$hat. I shall henceforth refer to him as Grand Poobah of A*$hattery. His (poor) son and my son are friends and they live 2 houses down from us. He works in public education and feels it is his personal responsibility to quiz my son on math facts and such. We recently angered this man when his friend's dog bit our son and we had the nerve to ask if the dog was current on its shots.
Yes, you read that right:
The really ironic thing is that we have often thought this man is too hard on his own kids, but decided we wouldn't call SRS based on a hunch- we'd wait until we had some clear proof of abuse/neglect. Can you imagine that? Waiting until you are sure you have a reason to accuse someone of something before you just jump in all willy-nilly and do it?
(*HSLDA stands for Home School Legal Defense Association. It's an excellent organization for home schoolers. In a way, it's like legal insurance. You pay an annual fee to be a member, then you are represented for free if you should have a homeschooling-related legal matter- like being contacted by a truant officer or the SRS. HSLDA also intervenes in some non-homeschooling matters when parental rights are on the line. They're awesome.)
P.S. to those of you who made it to the end: First of all? Well done, thou good and faithful reader. Also? I had a broken tooth pulled the other day (more on that next time- what a story!) and I'm on major pain pills. Which means... My words is stupid. I ain't talk so good. This post could be riddled with typos and errors of every sort. I didn't check and I don't care. It's your problem. ;P
So, anyway... The day I once dreaded years ago as a young, new, homeschooling mom finally came to pass. On Tuesday, March 6th, around 2:30- shortly before school ended for the day- there was a knock at my front door. The lady standing on our porch was holding a clipboard so my first thought was, "Oh. Crap. This is probably some voter's survey/political polling kind of thing. I hope she's not hard to get rid of... And please God, don't let her be a Democrat. The day's been too long already to deal with a Democrat."
(I didn't really think that last part... I just threw that in for the benefit of my Dem friends.)
Within two minutes, I was wishing she was just doing some voter's survey kind of thing.
But, no. She was a social worker with SRS (you might know them as DFS or CPS). They had gotten a call from "someone" with "a few concerns" about our children.
"Whaaat???"
I started to pee my pants. And not in the good way.
Concerns? CONCERNS? What concerns? When I find out who did this, someone better be concerned about getting smacked with a bag of oranges, cuz that's what I'm fixin' to do.
I thought maybe someone had seen my kids at home on school days and, not knowing we teach them at home, called in the complaint. So I told her we home school, thinking she'd say, "Oh! Okay. That explains it. Sorry to have bothered you. Have a lovely afternoon!"
That's not what she said. She said, "Yes. The concern is that they are so far behind in school that it's affecting their day-to-day ability to function."
I was all like...
...
...
Then, I was kinda like...
...
...
...
"...Whaaaa...?"
In other words, I was still standing there with my mouth hanging open like an idiot, not knowing how to respond.
Then? She mentioned the specific charge was "emotional neglect."
EMOTIONAL NEGLECT! If that doesn't make your head spin...
Someone is accusing me of not taking care of my kids. Someone who knows I home school is saying I'm doing a terrible job. Who would do that? They're calling me a lousy mom. Who did this? They're saying something's wrong with my kids. With me. Who did this? Say something, Michelle. Say something!
So I did. I said, "Whaaat?" Again. And maybe, "Excuuuuse me?"
She thrust a pamphlet into my hand which had scary titles and captions on it, like: What to do if your children are removed from your home...
I began to focus on her teeth as she talked. They were stained and mottled. Brownish. Icky.
Is this really happening? Is there really a stranger with horrible dental hygiene standing on my porch judging me? She can handle the responsibility of deciding whether or not to remove my kids, but she can't handle a tube of Crest? What in the name of all that is holy and minty-fresh is going on here?
Here's the thing... I've been teaching my kids for 16 years now and I've never had something like this happen. I totally forgot what I was supposed to do, which was to leave her on the porch, go get HSLDA on the phone while she was still there, and put her on the phone with the attorney. I didn't do that. I stood there. I think I started repeating, "I can't imagine who would do this to us," and "I don't understand," "I don't understand," "I don't understand."
I have no doubt she thought, "No wonder these poor kids are behind in school. Look at the moron in charge of their educations."
She wanted to come in and talk to the children and get this "all sorted out." Despite my cluelessness, I did summon enough sense to remember I was not supposed to let her in the house. I told her we were members of HSLDA (and explained what that was, *as I did below, in case you don't know who they are), and I would need to call them to find out what I was supposed to do next. I also said she'd need to call me to schedule a more convenient time to return, instead of coming during school hours (the irony of her expecting me to drop everything in the middle of a school day so she can tell me I'm not doing a good enough job educating my kids is really something special, is it not?). I tried to make it clear that I was not refusing to speak with her- that I did want to cooperate and get the whole thing resolved- but I'd need to call HSLDA first.
She remained friendly... ish. She did make one creepy, thinly-veiled threat when she said, "This really would go much easier for you if you'd just let me in."
Not by the hairs of my chinny-chin-chin, honey.
Then she left and I went nuts. My hands were visibly shaking as I rummaged around for my phone. I got the attorney on the phone and found out I had messed up. He needed to speak to her and I waited until she left to call. Cripes. He got a little pissy
I called her back right away, but she wasn't back in her office yet. An hour or so later, I called again. I left two voicemails saying I was ready to set an appointment for her to come back.
That night, I was a nervous wreck. We prayed that God would help us resolve this thing quickly and easily, but still... I worried. We're far from the perfect homeschooling family, you know? I was thinking of plenty of reasons to worry. Heck, we're not even close to "normal," let alone perfect. In fact, on any given evening, it would be reasonable for you to assume my family is reenacting scenes from a very special episode of Roseanne.
I realized there were all sorts of questions I should have asked... to both the social worker and the attorney. I would have felt (and slept) better if I would have asked more questions and felt prepared for whatever was to come. I'm not one of those people who gets a rush of excitement when faced with the unknown. I'm a control-freak. The unknown scares me silly.
Oh, God, what is going to happen?
Instead of sleeping, I recalled every scary case I'd ever heard about home school families who'd lost their children- watched them being taken away by police and social workers- simply because they didn't want their kids interviewed or their homes searched for no good reason (Yes, it has happened. Really). Was that getting ready to happen to me?
I should mention at this point that one of my children has some learning issues/disabilities. I never talk about it here because she is self-conscious about it (which is something we're working on). Her struggles are a constant source of frustration for her, and I would never want to embarrass her. I only tell you this now so you can fully understand my fear. By this time the whole family had a pretty strong hunch who had called SRS, but I was also wondering if someone who doesn't know us well enough to know about my daughter's "issues" saw her around town or heard her speak and got the wrong impression about her education (or lack thereof). To someone on the outside looking in, she would appear to be "behind" (I do not view her that way. I'm trying to teach her not to view herself that way. If you're doing the very best you can with the abilities God has given you, working at your own level and improving at your own pace, then how can you be behind? You can only be considered ahead or behind when measured against the achievements of others- which is a goofy thing to do to a child, as opposed to teaching them to strive for their own personal best, but that's what public school is all about). I spent that first sleepless night worrying about what would happen as soon as the SRS discovered my "behind" kid. Would she be the living proof they need to say I'm not doing my job?
The next morning, I left a third message for the social worker. She never called back. After showing up and scaring the crap out of me, she couldn't even have the decency to call back. After 3 voice mails, the attorney advised me to stop calling (actually, it was more like, "STOP CALLING!!!"). He said I'd kept my word and done my part. Why keep pestering her if she's in no hurry to come back? Maybe she'd just leave us alone (although, he made it clear he didn't actually believe she would).
Weeks passed.
We started thinking maybe she really was going to drop it. We even got so comfortable, we began making fun of our family's supposed inability to function on a day-to-day basis. For days I heard one smarty-pants comment after another:
- "Mom? Can you tell Sis to stop it? She's affecting my ability to function!"
- "I need to tie my shoe, but I've forgotten how. Help, I can't function!"
- "What do I do with this thing by my plate?" (It was a fork. My kids are so funny.)
- "Would you kids SHUT IT? I can't function!!" (Wait, that one was actually from me. And I started saying it long before the SRS came to call... So, that doesn't count, I guess).
...
...
"WHAAAT?"
"Yeah. She called my phone looking for you. Weeks ago. She wanted to set up a time to come back out to the house."
I'm going to edit this particular portion of our conversation. There's no need for you to know how I responded to my sweetheart, my dear one, the sunshine of my life. Suffice it to say I was, uh, displeased that he could forget to tell me something that important. Yes, displeased. That's what I was.
I found out she had called him at least a week before he told me (oh-so-very-displeased).
Well, crap. I called her back that second and left another voicemail. Then, I prayed like crazy that night.
"God, please just let this come to nothing. Let there be no investigation. I know you can get us through it and can handle whatever happens, but let it just go away."
The next day, the 10th, was Bri's birthday so I tried not to think about it, although the worry was eating a hole in my gut. When the end of the business day came and SRS hadn't called me back I was disgusted with her all over again.
Then... Wednesday, April 11th: We got a letter in the mail from SRS, postmarked the 10th. It said the investigation is closed and the claims were found to be unsubstantiated.
...
...
"Whaaaat...?"
I honestly don't know how or why our "case" was closed without an investigation... But do I really care? HECK NO! I'm considering it an answer to prayer and counting my blessings. That was exactly what I'd asked God to do, not really thinking He would- I guess- since I was shocked when He did.
As for the person who called in the complaint about us in the first place? Of course, we'll never know for sure. Since the SRS functions under a system where you can anonymously accuse anyone of anything, we're not allowed to know who claimed we abused/neglected/whatever the h*ll we supposedly did to our kids. That would be infringing on their right to privacy (*snort*- I'm so funny sometimes). But! We suspect a neighbor. A nutty neighbor. A true A*$hat. I shall henceforth refer to him as Grand Poobah of A*$hattery. His (poor) son and my son are friends and they live 2 houses down from us. He works in public education and feels it is his personal responsibility to quiz my son on math facts and such. We recently angered this man when his friend's dog bit our son and we had the nerve to ask if the dog was current on its shots.
Yes, you read that right:
- Our kid got bit by a dog that wasn't even his.
- We asked if the dog had its shots, after making it abundantly clear we had no intention of making a big "thing" of it. Just kind of, you know, curious as to whether or not our son would be rabid anytime soon.
- The neighbor got angry with us.
The really ironic thing is that we have often thought this man is too hard on his own kids, but decided we wouldn't call SRS based on a hunch- we'd wait until we had some clear proof of abuse/neglect. Can you imagine that? Waiting until you are sure you have a reason to accuse someone of something before you just jump in all willy-nilly and do it?
(*HSLDA stands for Home School Legal Defense Association. It's an excellent organization for home schoolers. In a way, it's like legal insurance. You pay an annual fee to be a member, then you are represented for free if you should have a homeschooling-related legal matter- like being contacted by a truant officer or the SRS. HSLDA also intervenes in some non-homeschooling matters when parental rights are on the line. They're awesome.)
P.S. to those of you who made it to the end: First of all? Well done, thou good and faithful reader. Also? I had a broken tooth pulled the other day (more on that next time- what a story!) and I'm on major pain pills. Which means... My words is stupid. I ain't talk so good. This post could be riddled with typos and errors of every sort. I didn't check and I don't care. It's your problem. ;P
Monday, November 3, 2008
Would you have aborted me?
Okay, this is the post on abortion that I warned you about. Run away now if you don't want to hear it. I know this is a hot topic that I should probably stay away from, but have I ever mentioned my common sense is, um, not great?
So let me get the disclaimers out of the way... First, my thoughts will probably be quite rambly. I have a million thoughts swirling around, but will do the best I can to get them out in a way that makes sense. Please forgive me if I'm not as succinct as I should be. If I stumble over my words, or repeat myself one too many times, you'll understand I'm nervous about discussing all this with you, right?
This is not a politically motivated post, although I think the subject is a timely one considering tomorrow's election, and one of the candidate's deplorable views on abortion. This post is not about trying to sway anyone- it's just an airing of my own feelings regarding one very specific segment of the pro-abortion camp. My hope is that I can cause you to look at your views from another angle- to step into another's shoes, for just a moment.
If you are a sold-out abortion supporter, you will not get this post. Likewise, if you are not a Christian, you will not get this post. Go ahead and read if you wish, but don't expect it to make sense to you.
I personally feel that there is no middle ground when it comes to abortion. Notice, I said "personally." These are my feelings. You may share your feelings if you wish, but my feelings are not open to debate. I want to make it clear right away that my comments today are not directed at the unwavering abortion supporter, but to the Christian believer who thinks there are cases when abortion is sometimes "acceptable." So, pro-abortion people, any arguments over your side vs. my side are pointless. You won't sway me, and I'm pretty sure I couldn't sway you.
Since I'm sharing personal feelings and revelations here, my intentions are definitely not to offend or anger anyone. So, I would appreciate if your comments do not intend to offend or anger me. Please keep them civil.
My view of abortion is that it is murder. This allows you yet another chance to flee if you feel you won't be able to take it. Everything I say will be steeped in this view. I do not believe any of us should get the "choice" to murder a child. If that bothers you, stop reading right now (This does not mean that I don't have compassion for women struggling with an unplanned pregnancy, or suffering from the guilt that often follows the choice of abortion. I do. I am not one of those so-called "Christians" who stands outside an abortion clinic screaming hateful, horrible things at the hurting women coming out. I do not believe for one second that's how the Lord would treat these women, or wants me to treat them. I have very dear friends who have experienced the pain and trauma caused by making this choice for themselves years ago and my heart aches for them as they continue to battle with the long-lasting ramifications of their decisions, finding themselves unable to truly forgive their own actions and move on).
Still reading? Okay. Either you're with me so far, or you're one of those people exactly like me who are compelled to keep reading after the warnings have been issued! You at least have to admit I've given you plenty of time to skedaddle, so you can't say I didn't warn you.
Here we go... Boldly going where no sane person would go.
I often hear the phrase, "I am opposed to abortion except in the case of incest or rape." I'm sure you've heard this too, or something similar. Maybe you even believe it yourself. If so, I'd like to encourage you to seriously reevaluate your thoughts on this. Each time I hear this, I remind myself not to take it personally. I shouldn't let it get to me. I tell myself they are not speaking to me personally. I should just let it go.
But I can't. I'm sorry, but it is personal. You are speaking to me. About me.
As one of those "rape babies," what I hear is this: "I usually believe abortion is wrong, but I totally understand why a mother wouldn't want YOU!"
Yes, my bio mother was raped. And guess what?!? I didn't rape her. So, why is it so easy for you to understand punishing the child for a condition she did not cause, and a crime she did not commit? Okay, so maybe you don't consider abortion a punishment? Maybe to you, the true punishment is in some woman carrying the filthy spawn of a rapist- "The Bad Seed"? Have you really taken time to learn the details of the procedure? Would you like to experience those "details" from the baby's point of view? Criminals are executed more humanely than babies are aborted.
My bio mother had someone in her life who wanted her to abort me. If she would have let her secret out to more people, I'm sure she would have had others who thought abortion was an entirely understandable and acceptable measure, considering her horrible circumstances. After all, who could blame her? Why on earth would she want to carry a rapist's baby?
Here's the deal: The life of an unborn child is either valuable or it is not. I understand the people who say it is not. I do not agree with them, but I understand that that is their view. I do not understand the people who say it is valuable sometimes.
So I have to ask you... If a rape baby is expendable in your eyes, why not a baby with disabilities? How can they still be precious to God, while I am not? Why not get rid of a baby of the "wrong" gender? Heck, why not just go back to Nazi-era Eugenics (which may not be too far off, IMHO)?
Whose life is more worthy in the eyes of God? And how can you be the one who chooses? When we start deciding which children can or should be done away with before birth, when and where does it stop?
I personally find it disgusting when I hear you shouting from the rooftops that abortion is wrong, then you follow it up with your quiet little disclaimer "except in the case of incest or rape."
It hurts me on a personal level (yes, even though I know it shouldn't) and sickens me as a fellow believer that you can think my life is not as valuable as a "wanted" baby, simply because a crime beyond my control, was committed against my biological mother. I (and every rape baby) was created by God, who makes no mistakes, just as surely as he created each and every other baby, whether they be "perfect," or impaired by disabilities or deformities.
The view that "abortion is wrong, except..." is hypocrisy- the epitome of fence-straddling- trying to feel good about holding onto one's convictions and moral values in theory, while allowing an "out." I'm reminded of the verses in Rev. 3 that say, "I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either one or the other! So, because you are lukewarm—neither hot nor cold—I am about to spit you out of my mouth."
Either the contents of the womb is a living being and therefore deserves to be protected and valued, or not. Unborn children are either precious in His sight, or not. Psalm 139 says, "For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;your works are wonderful,I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place.When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body.All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be." Tell me, where does that scripture allow for your convenient "out"? Where does it say rape babies are exempt from that whole "wonderfully made" thing?
God may not desire for a woman to experience the trauma of rape, but in His goodness, He can still bring something good out of it. Why did a loving God allow my bio mother, or any woman, to be raped? Why did I have to be born with such a disgusting legacy as that? Why couldn't I have been born as a "wanted" child into a family that looked forward to my arrival and raised me in a loving home? I have no idea.
But, I believe the Bible when it tells me God considers children to be a blessing and a gift. It doesn't say "some" children, or "planned" children. I believe the Bible when it tells me "'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'" I know He had a purpose and a plan for my life. And I accept how He chose to begin it. Why can't some of you?
I understand a woman who has been raped may not be able to love or want the child she carries. I understand that very, very well. But, I also thank God that my own bio mother did not punish me for something I didn't do. She couldn't keep me, and understandably didn't want me, but that didn't mean she had to "terminate" me. Thank God she chose adoption over abortion. Were those nine months of carrying a rapist's child hard on her? I'm sure they were- beyond what most of us could imagine. Does that justify the destruction of the child? I don't think so.
The next time you find yourself thinking, "I am opposed to abortion except in the case of incest or rape," consider the people who are listening to your words. You just may be speaking to one of those you deem to be exterminable. Maybe you should tweak your words slightly so that they accurately reflect what the people you are insulting will hear: "I usually believe abortion is wrong, but I totally understand why a mother wouldn't want YOU!" "I can't imagine having to be pregnant with YOU," or just come right out and say, "Children conceived during rape or incest do not deserve to live as much as 'wanted' children." Isn't that pretty much what you're saying anyway? Then decide if you would still say that out loud. If so, come on over and say it to my face- lol!! That ought to be fun. ;D
I realize in today's society we're all supposed to have the touchy-feely warm fuzzies for all people and tolerate anything and everything from each other, but I have to say it... If you are a Believer and you believe abortion is wrong, except in the case of rape and incest, You.Are.Wrong. Forgive me for not sugar-coating it, but there you have it. Your view is not in line with the teachings of the Bible. You are wrong. You are wrong. You are wrong. The God you profess to love and serve created that life. Was He in error? Answer that for me... Was He in error?
He has a plan for that child's life; a future and a hope- a future that you would snuff out. You are wrong.
And with that, dear friends, I'm done. Let the comments fly. Thank you for kindly indulging my opinions on this subject. We will now return to our regularly scheduled programming.
Either the life of an unborn child has value or it doesn't.
So let me get the disclaimers out of the way... First, my thoughts will probably be quite rambly. I have a million thoughts swirling around, but will do the best I can to get them out in a way that makes sense. Please forgive me if I'm not as succinct as I should be. If I stumble over my words, or repeat myself one too many times, you'll understand I'm nervous about discussing all this with you, right?
This is not a politically motivated post, although I think the subject is a timely one considering tomorrow's election, and one of the candidate's deplorable views on abortion. This post is not about trying to sway anyone- it's just an airing of my own feelings regarding one very specific segment of the pro-abortion camp. My hope is that I can cause you to look at your views from another angle- to step into another's shoes, for just a moment.
If you are a sold-out abortion supporter, you will not get this post. Likewise, if you are not a Christian, you will not get this post. Go ahead and read if you wish, but don't expect it to make sense to you.
I personally feel that there is no middle ground when it comes to abortion. Notice, I said "personally." These are my feelings. You may share your feelings if you wish, but my feelings are not open to debate. I want to make it clear right away that my comments today are not directed at the unwavering abortion supporter, but to the Christian believer who thinks there are cases when abortion is sometimes "acceptable." So, pro-abortion people, any arguments over your side vs. my side are pointless. You won't sway me, and I'm pretty sure I couldn't sway you.
Since I'm sharing personal feelings and revelations here, my intentions are definitely not to offend or anger anyone. So, I would appreciate if your comments do not intend to offend or anger me. Please keep them civil.
My view of abortion is that it is murder. This allows you yet another chance to flee if you feel you won't be able to take it. Everything I say will be steeped in this view. I do not believe any of us should get the "choice" to murder a child. If that bothers you, stop reading right now (This does not mean that I don't have compassion for women struggling with an unplanned pregnancy, or suffering from the guilt that often follows the choice of abortion. I do. I am not one of those so-called "Christians" who stands outside an abortion clinic screaming hateful, horrible things at the hurting women coming out. I do not believe for one second that's how the Lord would treat these women, or wants me to treat them. I have very dear friends who have experienced the pain and trauma caused by making this choice for themselves years ago and my heart aches for them as they continue to battle with the long-lasting ramifications of their decisions, finding themselves unable to truly forgive their own actions and move on).
Still reading? Okay. Either you're with me so far, or you're one of those people exactly like me who are compelled to keep reading after the warnings have been issued! You at least have to admit I've given you plenty of time to skedaddle, so you can't say I didn't warn you.
Here we go... Boldly going where no sane person would go.
I often hear the phrase, "I am opposed to abortion except in the case of incest or rape." I'm sure you've heard this too, or something similar. Maybe you even believe it yourself. If so, I'd like to encourage you to seriously reevaluate your thoughts on this. Each time I hear this, I remind myself not to take it personally. I shouldn't let it get to me. I tell myself they are not speaking to me personally. I should just let it go.
But I can't. I'm sorry, but it is personal. You are speaking to me. About me.
As one of those "rape babies," what I hear is this: "I usually believe abortion is wrong, but I totally understand why a mother wouldn't want YOU!"
Yes, my bio mother was raped. And guess what?!? I didn't rape her. So, why is it so easy for you to understand punishing the child for a condition she did not cause, and a crime she did not commit? Okay, so maybe you don't consider abortion a punishment? Maybe to you, the true punishment is in some woman carrying the filthy spawn of a rapist- "The Bad Seed"? Have you really taken time to learn the details of the procedure? Would you like to experience those "details" from the baby's point of view? Criminals are executed more humanely than babies are aborted.
My bio mother had someone in her life who wanted her to abort me. If she would have let her secret out to more people, I'm sure she would have had others who thought abortion was an entirely understandable and acceptable measure, considering her horrible circumstances. After all, who could blame her? Why on earth would she want to carry a rapist's baby?
Here's the deal: The life of an unborn child is either valuable or it is not. I understand the people who say it is not. I do not agree with them, but I understand that that is their view. I do not understand the people who say it is valuable sometimes.
So I have to ask you... If a rape baby is expendable in your eyes, why not a baby with disabilities? How can they still be precious to God, while I am not? Why not get rid of a baby of the "wrong" gender? Heck, why not just go back to Nazi-era Eugenics (which may not be too far off, IMHO)?
Whose life is more worthy in the eyes of God? And how can you be the one who chooses? When we start deciding which children can or should be done away with before birth, when and where does it stop?
I personally find it disgusting when I hear you shouting from the rooftops that abortion is wrong, then you follow it up with your quiet little disclaimer "except in the case of incest or rape."
It hurts me on a personal level (yes, even though I know it shouldn't) and sickens me as a fellow believer that you can think my life is not as valuable as a "wanted" baby, simply because a crime beyond my control, was committed against my biological mother. I (and every rape baby) was created by God, who makes no mistakes, just as surely as he created each and every other baby, whether they be "perfect," or impaired by disabilities or deformities.
The view that "abortion is wrong, except..." is hypocrisy- the epitome of fence-straddling- trying to feel good about holding onto one's convictions and moral values in theory, while allowing an "out." I'm reminded of the verses in Rev. 3 that say, "I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either one or the other! So, because you are lukewarm—neither hot nor cold—I am about to spit you out of my mouth."
Either the contents of the womb is a living being and therefore deserves to be protected and valued, or not. Unborn children are either precious in His sight, or not. Psalm 139 says, "For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;your works are wonderful,I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place.When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body.All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be." Tell me, where does that scripture allow for your convenient "out"? Where does it say rape babies are exempt from that whole "wonderfully made" thing?
God may not desire for a woman to experience the trauma of rape, but in His goodness, He can still bring something good out of it. Why did a loving God allow my bio mother, or any woman, to be raped? Why did I have to be born with such a disgusting legacy as that? Why couldn't I have been born as a "wanted" child into a family that looked forward to my arrival and raised me in a loving home? I have no idea.
But, I believe the Bible when it tells me God considers children to be a blessing and a gift. It doesn't say "some" children, or "planned" children. I believe the Bible when it tells me "'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'" I know He had a purpose and a plan for my life. And I accept how He chose to begin it. Why can't some of you?
I understand a woman who has been raped may not be able to love or want the child she carries. I understand that very, very well. But, I also thank God that my own bio mother did not punish me for something I didn't do. She couldn't keep me, and understandably didn't want me, but that didn't mean she had to "terminate" me. Thank God she chose adoption over abortion. Were those nine months of carrying a rapist's child hard on her? I'm sure they were- beyond what most of us could imagine. Does that justify the destruction of the child? I don't think so.
The next time you find yourself thinking, "I am opposed to abortion except in the case of incest or rape," consider the people who are listening to your words. You just may be speaking to one of those you deem to be exterminable. Maybe you should tweak your words slightly so that they accurately reflect what the people you are insulting will hear: "I usually believe abortion is wrong, but I totally understand why a mother wouldn't want YOU!" "I can't imagine having to be pregnant with YOU," or just come right out and say, "Children conceived during rape or incest do not deserve to live as much as 'wanted' children." Isn't that pretty much what you're saying anyway? Then decide if you would still say that out loud. If so, come on over and say it to my face- lol!! That ought to be fun. ;D
I realize in today's society we're all supposed to have the touchy-feely warm fuzzies for all people and tolerate anything and everything from each other, but I have to say it... If you are a Believer and you believe abortion is wrong, except in the case of rape and incest, You.Are.Wrong. Forgive me for not sugar-coating it, but there you have it. Your view is not in line with the teachings of the Bible. You are wrong. You are wrong. You are wrong. The God you profess to love and serve created that life. Was He in error? Answer that for me... Was He in error?
He has a plan for that child's life; a future and a hope- a future that you would snuff out. You are wrong.
And with that, dear friends, I'm done. Let the comments fly. Thank you for kindly indulging my opinions on this subject. We will now return to our regularly scheduled programming.
Friday, October 31, 2008
It's almost time to make one of the most important decisions you will ever make
"...if my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face... then will I hear from heaven..."
2 Chronicles 7:14
I have accepted Christina's challenge and want to extend it to my readers. Here's a short snippet from her post and I love the way she puts it:
"Wait, am I saying that Christians should be “single issue voters”? And isn’t that rather extreme? Question: If we were living in the 1860’s and slavery was the “single issue” how would you feel? Can we, as Christians, honestly say that the death of nearly 1 million innocent babies every year is somehow less significant than slavery was?
A good friend of mine shared something interesting with me this week: While she has already decided who she plans to vote for, she is going to ask God to change her mind if He wants her to vote for another candidate. And right here and now, I will take that pledge as well: from now to election day I will pray daily that God will show me who to vote for. (And I’ll let you know if I suddenly become an Obama supporter!) Will you, my Christian friends and readers, do the same thing? If you have always been a democrat and have your own list of reasons why you are voting for Obama (or against McCain/Palin) will you take this pledge as well? For truly we can make no better decision than when we seek God’s guidance first, right?"
If you are a fellow believer, please, please seek God with all your heart before you vote in this crucial election and be open to the idea that He may want you to change your mind.
I pledge right now that if after praying daily and seeking His will, God lays it upon my heart to vote for Obama, I will. I promise. Even though those words made me gag just a tiny bit as I typed them, I will change my vote if I know it's the Lord's leading. Will you please join me and commit to doing the same thing, even if it means a vote for (gasp!) McCain?
God bless you as you vote.
"Blessed is the nation whose God is the LORD, the people he chose for his inheritance. From heaven the LORD looks down and sees all mankind; from his dwelling place he watches all who live on earth- he who forms the hearts of all, who considers everything they do. No king is saved by the size of his army; no warrior escapes by his great strength. A horse is a vain hope for deliverance; despite all its great strength it cannot save. But the eyes of the LORD are on those who fear him, on those whose hope is in his unfailing love, to deliver them from death and keep them alive in famine. We wait in hope for the LORD; he is our help and our shield. In him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in his holy name. May your unfailing love rest upon us, O LORD, even as we put our hope in you." Psalm 33:12-22
I had a few other things I wanted to say on the topic of abortion, but I'll save them for another day. It's not so much a political thing- I promise- more of a personal thing on the subject, but I'll give you a head's up so you can skip it if you want- lol!
2 Chronicles 7:14
I have accepted Christina's challenge and want to extend it to my readers. Here's a short snippet from her post and I love the way she puts it:
"Wait, am I saying that Christians should be “single issue voters”? And isn’t that rather extreme? Question: If we were living in the 1860’s and slavery was the “single issue” how would you feel? Can we, as Christians, honestly say that the death of nearly 1 million innocent babies every year is somehow less significant than slavery was?
A good friend of mine shared something interesting with me this week: While she has already decided who she plans to vote for, she is going to ask God to change her mind if He wants her to vote for another candidate. And right here and now, I will take that pledge as well: from now to election day I will pray daily that God will show me who to vote for. (And I’ll let you know if I suddenly become an Obama supporter!) Will you, my Christian friends and readers, do the same thing? If you have always been a democrat and have your own list of reasons why you are voting for Obama (or against McCain/Palin) will you take this pledge as well? For truly we can make no better decision than when we seek God’s guidance first, right?"
If you are a fellow believer, please, please seek God with all your heart before you vote in this crucial election and be open to the idea that He may want you to change your mind.
I pledge right now that if after praying daily and seeking His will, God lays it upon my heart to vote for Obama, I will. I promise. Even though those words made me gag just a tiny bit as I typed them, I will change my vote if I know it's the Lord's leading. Will you please join me and commit to doing the same thing, even if it means a vote for (gasp!) McCain?
God bless you as you vote.
"Blessed is the nation whose God is the LORD, the people he chose for his inheritance. From heaven the LORD looks down and sees all mankind; from his dwelling place he watches all who live on earth- he who forms the hearts of all, who considers everything they do. No king is saved by the size of his army; no warrior escapes by his great strength. A horse is a vain hope for deliverance; despite all its great strength it cannot save. But the eyes of the LORD are on those who fear him, on those whose hope is in his unfailing love, to deliver them from death and keep them alive in famine. We wait in hope for the LORD; he is our help and our shield. In him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in his holy name. May your unfailing love rest upon us, O LORD, even as we put our hope in you." Psalm 33:12-22
I had a few other things I wanted to say on the topic of abortion, but I'll save them for another day. It's not so much a political thing- I promise- more of a personal thing on the subject, but I'll give you a head's up so you can skip it if you want- lol!
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Consider this...
Most of us have made up our minds by now about the upcoming election. Personally, I can't imagine how anyone could still be undecided at this point, but I know some are. If you are still trying to make up your mind, take a look at these posts by Ohilda at "A Bouquet of Blessings:"
Still Undecided Part 1
Still Undecided Part 2
and Don't Shudder
Warning: These posts are going to tick off the unbeliever and/or the diehard members of the Obama Fan Club, but if you're still struggling over your vote, or Obama's position on some of the topics close to the hearts of believers, give these posts a look. If you are in the Rah! Rah! Obama! Camp, and you choose to look at these anyway, you do so at your own risk. If you have a stroke, it's not my fault. And please do not be a jerk. Play nice. Do not leave nasty comments on this sweet woman's blog. She's not asking for a debate. If you absolutely must be mean, come back here and be mean to me.
Still Undecided Part 1
Still Undecided Part 2
and Don't Shudder
Warning: These posts are going to tick off the unbeliever and/or the diehard members of the Obama Fan Club, but if you're still struggling over your vote, or Obama's position on some of the topics close to the hearts of believers, give these posts a look. If you are in the Rah! Rah! Obama! Camp, and you choose to look at these anyway, you do so at your own risk. If you have a stroke, it's not my fault. And please do not be a jerk. Play nice. Do not leave nasty comments on this sweet woman's blog. She's not asking for a debate. If you absolutely must be mean, come back here and be mean to me.
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Praying for the economy
I really enjoy Max Lucado's books. This is him, praying from his own prayer journal, during one of his church services.
Friday, October 3, 2008
Prayers for Emmett
I've copied this whole post from Lauren's blog (Cheers Y'all!), since I know some of us get too busy to click on links, but this one is important. Please break from the busyness of your day and take a moment to read this and pray for Emmett.
A Request
Hey everyone - I just wanted to give y’all an update on what’s happening with Emmett, and make an important request.
On Monday we were told that the whole question on an intestinal malrotation had been laid to rest. Well, as it turns out, not so much. On Wednesday, Emmett’s doctor, after multiple consultations with pediatric surgeons and radiologists both here and back in the states, decided it would be best to move Emmett to Adenbrooke’s Hospital in Cambridge, so that they could evaluate him. And after reviewing everything, the pediatric surgeon there has decided it is necessary to do open abdominal surgery to fix the malrotation.
So Emmett will undergo this surgery on Monday, hopefully midmorning. During the surgery the doctor will also place a gastrotomy tube (or peg tube), which is a more permanent feeding support system than the nasogastric tube Emmett has now. With all of his upcoming surgeries, in addition to his current feeding issues, everyone feels like this is the best choice for him.
So here’s what we need: PRAYER. Please pray for Emmett. Please pass this message along to whomever you think will pray for him. Feel free to link to this entry, if you’d like. But please pray for this little boy.
Here are some prayer suggestions:
That Emmett will make it through the surgery, first and foremost. It is expected to last about 3 hours, if everything goes well and there are no complications.
For Emmett’s surgeon (his name is Mr. Brain…seriously), that he would be granted wisdom and sure and steady hands.
That Emmett won’t face any operative or postoperative complications: the 3 biggest ones being infection, blood loss, and most importantly, adhesions following the surgery. The risk of adhesions that would necessitate emergency bowel surgery is about 10%, a number way higher than I’m comfortable with.
That following surgery, he and his GI tract would heal quickly, so that he can start being fed again, and so that we can leave the hospital (can I insert that English hospitals are not nearly as comfortable as American ones?).
That his pain will be well controlled, post-operatively.
Again, his surgery will happen midmorning England-time on Monday, which is 6 hours ahead of Central time in the US. So if they start at 10, that would be 4 in the morning for most of y’all, 5 am if you’re on the East Coast. If there is any way that it would work for you to pray for him at that time, please do. If you can’t wake up that early, please pray for him before you go to sleep on Sunday night.
Please pray - he has so much left to face if he can pull through this, but this is the first step. And as Mike said in the last post, we know that the Lord is watching over this child, and loves him more than we ever could. We have witnessed His hand working in this situation, and pray that He would continue to bless Emmett.
A Request
Hey everyone - I just wanted to give y’all an update on what’s happening with Emmett, and make an important request.
On Monday we were told that the whole question on an intestinal malrotation had been laid to rest. Well, as it turns out, not so much. On Wednesday, Emmett’s doctor, after multiple consultations with pediatric surgeons and radiologists both here and back in the states, decided it would be best to move Emmett to Adenbrooke’s Hospital in Cambridge, so that they could evaluate him. And after reviewing everything, the pediatric surgeon there has decided it is necessary to do open abdominal surgery to fix the malrotation.
So Emmett will undergo this surgery on Monday, hopefully midmorning. During the surgery the doctor will also place a gastrotomy tube (or peg tube), which is a more permanent feeding support system than the nasogastric tube Emmett has now. With all of his upcoming surgeries, in addition to his current feeding issues, everyone feels like this is the best choice for him.
So here’s what we need: PRAYER. Please pray for Emmett. Please pass this message along to whomever you think will pray for him. Feel free to link to this entry, if you’d like. But please pray for this little boy.
Here are some prayer suggestions:
That Emmett will make it through the surgery, first and foremost. It is expected to last about 3 hours, if everything goes well and there are no complications.
For Emmett’s surgeon (his name is Mr. Brain…seriously), that he would be granted wisdom and sure and steady hands.
That Emmett won’t face any operative or postoperative complications: the 3 biggest ones being infection, blood loss, and most importantly, adhesions following the surgery. The risk of adhesions that would necessitate emergency bowel surgery is about 10%, a number way higher than I’m comfortable with.
That following surgery, he and his GI tract would heal quickly, so that he can start being fed again, and so that we can leave the hospital (can I insert that English hospitals are not nearly as comfortable as American ones?).
That his pain will be well controlled, post-operatively.
Again, his surgery will happen midmorning England-time on Monday, which is 6 hours ahead of Central time in the US. So if they start at 10, that would be 4 in the morning for most of y’all, 5 am if you’re on the East Coast. If there is any way that it would work for you to pray for him at that time, please do. If you can’t wake up that early, please pray for him before you go to sleep on Sunday night.
Please pray - he has so much left to face if he can pull through this, but this is the first step. And as Mike said in the last post, we know that the Lord is watching over this child, and loves him more than we ever could. We have witnessed His hand working in this situation, and pray that He would continue to bless Emmett.
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
The Right Side
There's been a lot of political talk on the internet lately, and it's been fun (and sometimes infuriating- :P) reading all the different posts and comments. Here's what I've been wondering, though, as I read those comments... Why is it so acceptable in our society to trash Christians and all they stand for? You rarely hear or see people talking about how ridiculous the beliefs of Jews, Muslims, Buddhists, or other faiths are. But it's perfectly okay to belittle, attack, and make fun of the Christian faith. Why does any and every other belief system (including Atheism) deserve a certain level of respect, but mine does not? I'm not allowed to express my faith publicly, but you are allowed to publicly attack it. If I say anything against you and what you believe or support, I'm guilty of "hate speech." You, on the other hand, can call me and all the things I value most every hateful, degrading name in the book. And the funny thing is, you do so while calling me a hypocrite! Seriously?
And as far as the idea that religion has no place in politics? I do not believe it is possible to separate one's beliefs and values from their political views. If you are able to do that, then you must be pretty wishy-washy with your beliefs. If I believe in something with all my heart, then my conscience will not allow me to vote for a political candidate whose beliefs, actions and platforms are in direct opposition to my beliefs. I don't see why that's something to be made fun of. I really don't. Can someone explain it to me? The same people who laud themselves for standing up for what they believe and speaking their minds on issues of importance to them mock me when I do the very same thing. You're convictions are so strongly held that you'll scream them from the rooftops. Great! Mine are so strongly held that I take them with me to the voting booth. What's the dif?
It also seems hypocritical to me, and pretty flippin' amusing, to hear the other guy's loyal minions attacking my political party and its candidates for not having any integrity... Do I really need to bring up some of the dishonest, insincere, indecent, unprincipled snafus of your party? I hope not, because the list is quite long and my fingers will get tired.
The truth is- there are probably not many politicians on either side with much integrity. Even if they come into the process with high ideals and a true desire to change things, I think they are quickly caught up in the corruption and bullcrap that is Washington. I don't hold a very high opinion of politicians and certainly don't trust or believe them, regardless of the party they support. They all have writers crafting the perfectly worded soundbite. They all tell you what you want to hear. They all choose running mates based on who can help manipulate a vote from you. I know I'm cynical and pessimistic, but I've come to believe they are all liars who will say anything to get in, and once they are, they screw us over without losing a minute of sleep. That characteristic seems to have no trouble crossing party line. If you truly believe your guy is sincere, genuine, transparent, and real, then I think you're the one living a fairy tale and believing a myth.
One more thing... If you find my beliefs so laughable because you believe there is no God at all, I hate to tell ya, but you are still a person of faith. You're choosing to believe something you cannot prove or see, just as I am. Only you're taking a much bigger gamble.
And as far as the idea that religion has no place in politics? I do not believe it is possible to separate one's beliefs and values from their political views. If you are able to do that, then you must be pretty wishy-washy with your beliefs. If I believe in something with all my heart, then my conscience will not allow me to vote for a political candidate whose beliefs, actions and platforms are in direct opposition to my beliefs. I don't see why that's something to be made fun of. I really don't. Can someone explain it to me? The same people who laud themselves for standing up for what they believe and speaking their minds on issues of importance to them mock me when I do the very same thing. You're convictions are so strongly held that you'll scream them from the rooftops. Great! Mine are so strongly held that I take them with me to the voting booth. What's the dif?
It also seems hypocritical to me, and pretty flippin' amusing, to hear the other guy's loyal minions attacking my political party and its candidates for not having any integrity... Do I really need to bring up some of the dishonest, insincere, indecent, unprincipled snafus of your party? I hope not, because the list is quite long and my fingers will get tired.
The truth is- there are probably not many politicians on either side with much integrity. Even if they come into the process with high ideals and a true desire to change things, I think they are quickly caught up in the corruption and bullcrap that is Washington. I don't hold a very high opinion of politicians and certainly don't trust or believe them, regardless of the party they support. They all have writers crafting the perfectly worded soundbite. They all tell you what you want to hear. They all choose running mates based on who can help manipulate a vote from you. I know I'm cynical and pessimistic, but I've come to believe they are all liars who will say anything to get in, and once they are, they screw us over without losing a minute of sleep. That characteristic seems to have no trouble crossing party line. If you truly believe your guy is sincere, genuine, transparent, and real, then I think you're the one living a fairy tale and believing a myth.
One more thing... If you find my beliefs so laughable because you believe there is no God at all, I hate to tell ya, but you are still a person of faith. You're choosing to believe something you cannot prove or see, just as I am. Only you're taking a much bigger gamble.
Monday, July 28, 2008
No Regrets
I've been tagged by Tracy and Heather to list six words that describe me. The six words I'm choosing are taken from the post below:
"Constantly in awe of God's goodness."
I think a lot of people have been tagged already, so if you're reading this post and haven't been picked yet, consider yourself tagged. YOU'RE IT!!! Leave me a comment if you choose to play, so I can go read yours.
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Now, on with today's post. This is going to be a long one, and probably rambly. Some of it is a repeat of things I've said in the past- but some things apparently need to be repeated. Grab a coke and prop up your feet.
We went out to eat the other day after church. Even though two of my sons weren't with us, we still occupied the largest table in the place. Other families were there with their one or two children, while we ate with only four of ours. As I looked around the restaurant and then around the table at each member of my family, I started thinking about the path we've chosen to take- how we got to where we are right now in our lives. I've been doing a lot of reflecting since then- considering both the things that have happened in our life by choice, as well as the things that were beyond our control. Ruminating in the past has made me realize there are a few things I should finally say out loud, once and for all.
I know there are several people with 4 or more kids who read this blog, but larger families are not "the norm" in this country. People just don't understand us. Everything in life is set up to cater to smaller families. Vacation packages are usually for families of four. Recipes are written for no more than six servings. Heck, even minivans only have seven seats. We don't fit in with anyone's idea of the common family. We are a novelty, an oddity, an anomaly.
People tend to judge, and even ridicule what they do not understand. We have been dealing with that now for our entire marriage.
I chose, at the age of 22, to marry a freshly divorced father of three young children who had no money and ruined credit. That's when the comments started. Mostly from family and close friends, but some were from co-workers, or people I hardly interacted with. Everyone had an opinion. "Are you sure this is what you want to do?" "Gosh, I just hate to see you throw your life away." "You're so young. You should be out having fun." "Wouldn't you rather wait and have your own (kids)?" One horrible woman even had the nerve to tell me she had a good friend who was a family therapist, so "when it doesn't work out, let me know and I'll help get you an appointment." One of my closest friends at the time, refused to attend my wedding because she thought I was making a mistake. I rarely got the usual rounds of congratulatory remarks that one would hope for and expect when one gets married.
It was true that married life wasn't easy. There is no manual for new 22-year-old stepmoms to teach them how to be a mother overnight. I was clueless. Each of us made mistakes as we struggled to find our way through it, of course. We struggled in every way- financially, emotionally, mentally, spiritually. We probably would have wound up like most other second marriages with children involved and not made it, except for something that happened very early on in the marriage to cement us together...
Alex was born exactly 9 months and 2 weeks after we got married. Needless to say, he was a surprise. We weren't prepared to add another person into the mix yet. We were still trying to figure out this new family of ours. It wasn't easy. The comments got louder. Mostly along the lines of, "How are you going to afford another one?" And mostly from family. We rarely got the usual rounds of congratulatory remarks that one would hope for and expect when one is having a baby.
When Alex turned one year old, I found out I was pregnant with Mike. Another surprise. The comments not only got louder, but started getting just plain mean: "Can't you guys figure out what's causing that?" Each person who said it seemed to believe they were being funny, and that they were the very first one to think up such a witty remark. If you said it, trust me- you were not funny, and you were not the first.
I don't mind telling you- We were scared. Times were tough financially, and Darrell's job was looking shaky. While I was pregnant with Michael, Darrell took a job with his father in the town where we currently live. It was two and a half hours away from where we lived then. He was gone all week, and came home only on weekends. I was at home with his three kids, my toddler, and one on the way. I was working full-time, out of necessity. I was exhausted. I was stressed. Darrell's kids didn't like being there with me without their dad. Neither did his ex-wife. Neither did I. I was doing the best I could do. It was a very difficult time. We were struggling to have faith and believe everything would be okay. But instead of supportive comments, like "Don't worry, you'll see- everything will work out," "You can do this," etc., we got: "What are you guys thinking?" "How will you afford this?" "Have you considered giving this baby up for adoption?" We didn't get the usual rounds of congratulatory remarks that one would hope for and expect when one is having a baby.
Evan came along when Mike was two. I remember how excited I was to call people and tell them I was pregnant. I don't know what I was thinking. I just got more of the same old crap. One person started in on me with the "How are you going to afford this?" stuff. I was hurt, but responded by telling her that God has always taken care of our needs and I had no doubt He'd do it again. That wasn't good enough. This person said, "Well I don't see how He can possibly keep taking care of you when you keep having all these kids." Oh, really? God Almighty, Creator of Heaven and Earth, is not big enough to handle one more kid of mine? Sure- Floods, famine, disease, He can handle. But my childbearing renders Him helpless, apparently. I must have one powerful uterus.
Another kind and considerate family member went into graphic detail (I'll spare you her exact words) about the surgical procedures she was going to perform with her own hands on Darrell and I to prevent any more babies. Guess what? We most definitely did not get the usual rounds of congratulatory remarks that one would hope for and expect when one is having a baby.
When Evan was a baby, we went through rocky times with Darrell's kids and his ex, as most people in blended families would understand. Times were tough. People made mistakes on all sides and feelings were hurt. Again, every outsider on the planet had an opinion, either about my stepkids, Darrell, his ex, or me. Very few people knew the whole truth of our family situation, but that didn't stop them from sharing their opinions with us and making their judgments on our choices and our parenting. So many folks coming out of the woodwork to "help" us with their wisdom. Oy. I heard several "I told you so's," and "What did you think was going to happen when you married him?" or "I knew this is how it would turn out." There were a lot of "You should/shouldn't have's" or "You need to _____." I was also acutely aware of what wasn't being said to my face, but was being discussed behind my back.
After several years of heartache and very trying circumstances, we were ready for the joy of a new baby when Tucker came along. But our families weren't. We got the same old comments again when our pregnancy was announced. In fact, we put off telling a lot of people that time, just because we knew they'd try to snuff out our happiness. Surprise, surprise- We did not get the usual rounds of congratulatory remarks that one would hope for and expect when one is having a baby.
And so it went with each new addition to our family. Olivia and Bri were no different. Honestly, it wasn't until we adopted Bri that people finally realized we WANTED to have all these kids. "Oh my gosh, they're adopting? So then, they're not just idiots who don't understand how conception works? They're doing this on purpose????" Yes. Even though God blessed us with a couple surprise conceptions, we have this large family ON PURPOSE. But even that realization didn't mean people understood or agreed with us. The comments continued: "How are you going to be able to send any of these kids to college?" "You're not getting any younger. What if something happens to Darrell?" Blah, blah, blah. Same old crap.
So here is what I'd like to say to all of you who have shared your "concerns" with us over the years:
I have no regrets about having a large family. Not one. I really don't care how many people may believe we've had "enough" or too many kids. In fact, there's room in my heart and home for one more and my heart is crushed over the thought that it isn't going to happen. Crushed. I was looking forward to this next adoption with all my heart, and I'm completely heartbroken that it may not happen.
Yes, our life has been hard. So? Show me a person whose had an easy life, and I'll show you a spoiled, self-centered brat.
Yes, we have had times when we've struggled financially. And times when we haven't. So? In addition to our six kids, we also support six more kids through Compassion International. What you may not know (and this little tidbit will probably make some of your toes curl) is that we have had times when we've chosen to give away thousands of dollars at a time to families in need or to a worthwhile cause. Thousands that could have paid for some extravagant vacation, or been put away in a college fund. Instead, we wanted to be a blessing to someone else in a crisis, because we've been there and we know how hard it is. I don't say this to boast, honestly I don't. I say it to be absolutely clear that we could have had more money than we do if money was our goal.
And speaking of money, I'll tell you something else. I don't especially like wealthy people, and considering the way most of them behave, I have no desire to be one. I'm sure there are good ones out there, but a lot of people with money are just not my cup of tea. I don't understand them. They are often materialistic, self-involved, selfish and snooty. They look down on others, as if money somehow makes them better people. It's my opinion that money usually makes for crappier people, not better. The most generous people I've met are usually ones who barely have enough money for themselves. The stingiest people I've met are ones who have more than enough and then some. Still, they can't seem to part with any of it to help someone else. Their priorities are usually goofy. They are brats trapped in adult bodies. They spawn bratty kids. Their focus is on their money- making it, keeping it, hoarding it... I don't ever want to be like them, and I don't want any of my children to be like them. Money is not necessary for happiness, and is not conducive to happiness. Money is merely a tool God uses to take care of our needs. It is not, in and of itself, a need. God is our need. He supplies everything else. And He does it quite well.
Yes, my kids have done without some things- expensive tennis shoes, designer clothes, certain recreational activities, yearly vacations to expensive places... Yes, at times they have felt deprived and disappointed. So what? They have also gotten lots of things that many other big families do without, so I don't exactly feel sorry for them. I'm sorry if you do, but that's really not my problem. They have never, ever, ever gone without something they really needed. God has always made a way. Always. In fact, He has increased our income with each and every child He's given us.
Yes, they go to school at home. The poor things. Yes, we realize some of you believe we are overprotecting them, sheltering them, and depriving them of wonderful childhood experiences by keeping them at home. Again, it really isn't necessary to pity my kids. They are fine. In fact they are each turning out to be wonderful people, in spite of their crappy parents, and this cruel and unusual punishment of homeschooling them. They continue to flourish, and we continue to believe that homeschool is God's plan and choice for our family. And for the doubters, Evan just finished taking standardized tests since he's starting high school in August, and most of his scores were "PHS," which means Post High School. He's 14 and just finished 8th grade, and his scores are better than most high school graduates. I know I'm bragging, but it's not just to defend my choices- he deserves a pat on the back. He's a great kid! He's bright, sweet, helpful, generous, and the funniest person I know. I guess homeschool hasn't messed him up too badly. All six of them are really great kids and I'm proud to know them.
And, by the way, Alex IS starting college this fall, so your concerns over how we'll send them to college are not necessary. At least not yet. God will see to those needs just as surely as He sees to everything else.
Most importantly- my kids are LOVED. They are treasured. And they are TOLD so every day. So, again, they are getting what they need the most.
Yes, my home is never as clean as I'd like it to be. So? My kids are not sitting on the floor eating cockroaches, but if you come over unannounced my house will look as if eight people live here. There's a good reason for that: Eight people live here. There's a very good chance you'll see dirty dishes in the sink, fingerprints all over the TV screen, and a full laundry basket on the couch. There will probably be dust on the tables and shelves. There will definitely be dog hair all over everything, including you once you've spent 5 minutes inside. During the school year, books will be all over the place, and a pencil may poke you in the butt when you try to sit down. If you're very lucky, and come at just the right moment, the dog may even come lay at your feet with a pair of my underwear hanging from his mouth. SO WHAT? That's my problem, not yours. If it really bothers you, I guess maybe you should call first.
We are busy, scattered, disorganized, overwhelmed, stressed, and tired. We are also unbelievably blessed. I am constantly in awe of God's goodness to me, and to us as a family. How He decided I should get to have such a full, rich life just astounds me. I'm proud of my children, and not only do I love them, but I truly LIKE them. Each one is a blessing, and I'm glad they're here. I wouldn't wish away a single one, nor would I marry someone else if I could go back and do it all differently.
So... Yes, we could have listened to our critics and made different choices. We could have had less kids, and more money. More time. More opportunities. More vacations. More security. We could have been less tired, less worried, less stressed.
Of course, if we'd listened to some of you, we also would have been far less happy. Less fulfilled. Less blessed. Our choices are not the ones you would have made for us, but we are so thankful we made them. And we are so thankful we didn't listen to all of those "helpful" comments. We heard them. And they hurt us. But we didn't let them affect our decisions. Thank God for that. You were wrong. We love our life and are grateful for the choices and circumstances that have brought us to this point. We are good parents, with good kids. We made it in spite of you. We made it without your support, although your support sure would have been nice. We made it. And we will continue to make it.
Thank you for not believing we could make it. You helped make us dig in our heels and try harder. Thank you for not sharing and encouraging our faith in God's abilities to see us through difficult times. By making us defend our faith, you helped to increase it. You helped set the stage for God to prove Himself, which He did over and over again and, no doubt, will continue to do.
"Constantly in awe of God's goodness."
I think a lot of people have been tagged already, so if you're reading this post and haven't been picked yet, consider yourself tagged. YOU'RE IT!!! Leave me a comment if you choose to play, so I can go read yours.
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Now, on with today's post. This is going to be a long one, and probably rambly. Some of it is a repeat of things I've said in the past- but some things apparently need to be repeated. Grab a coke and prop up your feet.
We went out to eat the other day after church. Even though two of my sons weren't with us, we still occupied the largest table in the place. Other families were there with their one or two children, while we ate with only four of ours. As I looked around the restaurant and then around the table at each member of my family, I started thinking about the path we've chosen to take- how we got to where we are right now in our lives. I've been doing a lot of reflecting since then- considering both the things that have happened in our life by choice, as well as the things that were beyond our control. Ruminating in the past has made me realize there are a few things I should finally say out loud, once and for all.
I know there are several people with 4 or more kids who read this blog, but larger families are not "the norm" in this country. People just don't understand us. Everything in life is set up to cater to smaller families. Vacation packages are usually for families of four. Recipes are written for no more than six servings. Heck, even minivans only have seven seats. We don't fit in with anyone's idea of the common family. We are a novelty, an oddity, an anomaly.
People tend to judge, and even ridicule what they do not understand. We have been dealing with that now for our entire marriage.
I chose, at the age of 22, to marry a freshly divorced father of three young children who had no money and ruined credit. That's when the comments started. Mostly from family and close friends, but some were from co-workers, or people I hardly interacted with. Everyone had an opinion. "Are you sure this is what you want to do?" "Gosh, I just hate to see you throw your life away." "You're so young. You should be out having fun." "Wouldn't you rather wait and have your own (kids)?" One horrible woman even had the nerve to tell me she had a good friend who was a family therapist, so "when it doesn't work out, let me know and I'll help get you an appointment." One of my closest friends at the time, refused to attend my wedding because she thought I was making a mistake. I rarely got the usual rounds of congratulatory remarks that one would hope for and expect when one gets married.
It was true that married life wasn't easy. There is no manual for new 22-year-old stepmoms to teach them how to be a mother overnight. I was clueless. Each of us made mistakes as we struggled to find our way through it, of course. We struggled in every way- financially, emotionally, mentally, spiritually. We probably would have wound up like most other second marriages with children involved and not made it, except for something that happened very early on in the marriage to cement us together...
Alex was born exactly 9 months and 2 weeks after we got married. Needless to say, he was a surprise. We weren't prepared to add another person into the mix yet. We were still trying to figure out this new family of ours. It wasn't easy. The comments got louder. Mostly along the lines of, "How are you going to afford another one?" And mostly from family. We rarely got the usual rounds of congratulatory remarks that one would hope for and expect when one is having a baby.
When Alex turned one year old, I found out I was pregnant with Mike. Another surprise. The comments not only got louder, but started getting just plain mean: "Can't you guys figure out what's causing that?" Each person who said it seemed to believe they were being funny, and that they were the very first one to think up such a witty remark. If you said it, trust me- you were not funny, and you were not the first.
I don't mind telling you- We were scared. Times were tough financially, and Darrell's job was looking shaky. While I was pregnant with Michael, Darrell took a job with his father in the town where we currently live. It was two and a half hours away from where we lived then. He was gone all week, and came home only on weekends. I was at home with his three kids, my toddler, and one on the way. I was working full-time, out of necessity. I was exhausted. I was stressed. Darrell's kids didn't like being there with me without their dad. Neither did his ex-wife. Neither did I. I was doing the best I could do. It was a very difficult time. We were struggling to have faith and believe everything would be okay. But instead of supportive comments, like "Don't worry, you'll see- everything will work out," "You can do this," etc., we got: "What are you guys thinking?" "How will you afford this?" "Have you considered giving this baby up for adoption?" We didn't get the usual rounds of congratulatory remarks that one would hope for and expect when one is having a baby.
Evan came along when Mike was two. I remember how excited I was to call people and tell them I was pregnant. I don't know what I was thinking. I just got more of the same old crap. One person started in on me with the "How are you going to afford this?" stuff. I was hurt, but responded by telling her that God has always taken care of our needs and I had no doubt He'd do it again. That wasn't good enough. This person said, "Well I don't see how He can possibly keep taking care of you when you keep having all these kids." Oh, really? God Almighty, Creator of Heaven and Earth, is not big enough to handle one more kid of mine? Sure- Floods, famine, disease, He can handle. But my childbearing renders Him helpless, apparently. I must have one powerful uterus.
Another kind and considerate family member went into graphic detail (I'll spare you her exact words) about the surgical procedures she was going to perform with her own hands on Darrell and I to prevent any more babies. Guess what? We most definitely did not get the usual rounds of congratulatory remarks that one would hope for and expect when one is having a baby.
When Evan was a baby, we went through rocky times with Darrell's kids and his ex, as most people in blended families would understand. Times were tough. People made mistakes on all sides and feelings were hurt. Again, every outsider on the planet had an opinion, either about my stepkids, Darrell, his ex, or me. Very few people knew the whole truth of our family situation, but that didn't stop them from sharing their opinions with us and making their judgments on our choices and our parenting. So many folks coming out of the woodwork to "help" us with their wisdom. Oy. I heard several "I told you so's," and "What did you think was going to happen when you married him?" or "I knew this is how it would turn out." There were a lot of "You should/shouldn't have's" or "You need to _____." I was also acutely aware of what wasn't being said to my face, but was being discussed behind my back.
After several years of heartache and very trying circumstances, we were ready for the joy of a new baby when Tucker came along. But our families weren't. We got the same old comments again when our pregnancy was announced. In fact, we put off telling a lot of people that time, just because we knew they'd try to snuff out our happiness. Surprise, surprise- We did not get the usual rounds of congratulatory remarks that one would hope for and expect when one is having a baby.
And so it went with each new addition to our family. Olivia and Bri were no different. Honestly, it wasn't until we adopted Bri that people finally realized we WANTED to have all these kids. "Oh my gosh, they're adopting? So then, they're not just idiots who don't understand how conception works? They're doing this on purpose????" Yes. Even though God blessed us with a couple surprise conceptions, we have this large family ON PURPOSE. But even that realization didn't mean people understood or agreed with us. The comments continued: "How are you going to be able to send any of these kids to college?" "You're not getting any younger. What if something happens to Darrell?" Blah, blah, blah. Same old crap.
So here is what I'd like to say to all of you who have shared your "concerns" with us over the years:
I have no regrets about having a large family. Not one. I really don't care how many people may believe we've had "enough" or too many kids. In fact, there's room in my heart and home for one more and my heart is crushed over the thought that it isn't going to happen. Crushed. I was looking forward to this next adoption with all my heart, and I'm completely heartbroken that it may not happen.
Yes, our life has been hard. So? Show me a person whose had an easy life, and I'll show you a spoiled, self-centered brat.
Yes, we have had times when we've struggled financially. And times when we haven't. So? In addition to our six kids, we also support six more kids through Compassion International. What you may not know (and this little tidbit will probably make some of your toes curl) is that we have had times when we've chosen to give away thousands of dollars at a time to families in need or to a worthwhile cause. Thousands that could have paid for some extravagant vacation, or been put away in a college fund. Instead, we wanted to be a blessing to someone else in a crisis, because we've been there and we know how hard it is. I don't say this to boast, honestly I don't. I say it to be absolutely clear that we could have had more money than we do if money was our goal.
And speaking of money, I'll tell you something else. I don't especially like wealthy people, and considering the way most of them behave, I have no desire to be one. I'm sure there are good ones out there, but a lot of people with money are just not my cup of tea. I don't understand them. They are often materialistic, self-involved, selfish and snooty. They look down on others, as if money somehow makes them better people. It's my opinion that money usually makes for crappier people, not better. The most generous people I've met are usually ones who barely have enough money for themselves. The stingiest people I've met are ones who have more than enough and then some. Still, they can't seem to part with any of it to help someone else. Their priorities are usually goofy. They are brats trapped in adult bodies. They spawn bratty kids. Their focus is on their money- making it, keeping it, hoarding it... I don't ever want to be like them, and I don't want any of my children to be like them. Money is not necessary for happiness, and is not conducive to happiness. Money is merely a tool God uses to take care of our needs. It is not, in and of itself, a need. God is our need. He supplies everything else. And He does it quite well.
Yes, my kids have done without some things- expensive tennis shoes, designer clothes, certain recreational activities, yearly vacations to expensive places... Yes, at times they have felt deprived and disappointed. So what? They have also gotten lots of things that many other big families do without, so I don't exactly feel sorry for them. I'm sorry if you do, but that's really not my problem. They have never, ever, ever gone without something they really needed. God has always made a way. Always. In fact, He has increased our income with each and every child He's given us.
Yes, they go to school at home. The poor things. Yes, we realize some of you believe we are overprotecting them, sheltering them, and depriving them of wonderful childhood experiences by keeping them at home. Again, it really isn't necessary to pity my kids. They are fine. In fact they are each turning out to be wonderful people, in spite of their crappy parents, and this cruel and unusual punishment of homeschooling them. They continue to flourish, and we continue to believe that homeschool is God's plan and choice for our family. And for the doubters, Evan just finished taking standardized tests since he's starting high school in August, and most of his scores were "PHS," which means Post High School. He's 14 and just finished 8th grade, and his scores are better than most high school graduates. I know I'm bragging, but it's not just to defend my choices- he deserves a pat on the back. He's a great kid! He's bright, sweet, helpful, generous, and the funniest person I know. I guess homeschool hasn't messed him up too badly. All six of them are really great kids and I'm proud to know them.
And, by the way, Alex IS starting college this fall, so your concerns over how we'll send them to college are not necessary. At least not yet. God will see to those needs just as surely as He sees to everything else.
Most importantly- my kids are LOVED. They are treasured. And they are TOLD so every day. So, again, they are getting what they need the most.
Yes, my home is never as clean as I'd like it to be. So? My kids are not sitting on the floor eating cockroaches, but if you come over unannounced my house will look as if eight people live here. There's a good reason for that: Eight people live here. There's a very good chance you'll see dirty dishes in the sink, fingerprints all over the TV screen, and a full laundry basket on the couch. There will probably be dust on the tables and shelves. There will definitely be dog hair all over everything, including you once you've spent 5 minutes inside. During the school year, books will be all over the place, and a pencil may poke you in the butt when you try to sit down. If you're very lucky, and come at just the right moment, the dog may even come lay at your feet with a pair of my underwear hanging from his mouth. SO WHAT? That's my problem, not yours. If it really bothers you, I guess maybe you should call first.
We are busy, scattered, disorganized, overwhelmed, stressed, and tired. We are also unbelievably blessed. I am constantly in awe of God's goodness to me, and to us as a family. How He decided I should get to have such a full, rich life just astounds me. I'm proud of my children, and not only do I love them, but I truly LIKE them. Each one is a blessing, and I'm glad they're here. I wouldn't wish away a single one, nor would I marry someone else if I could go back and do it all differently.
So... Yes, we could have listened to our critics and made different choices. We could have had less kids, and more money. More time. More opportunities. More vacations. More security. We could have been less tired, less worried, less stressed.
Of course, if we'd listened to some of you, we also would have been far less happy. Less fulfilled. Less blessed. Our choices are not the ones you would have made for us, but we are so thankful we made them. And we are so thankful we didn't listen to all of those "helpful" comments. We heard them. And they hurt us. But we didn't let them affect our decisions. Thank God for that. You were wrong. We love our life and are grateful for the choices and circumstances that have brought us to this point. We are good parents, with good kids. We made it in spite of you. We made it without your support, although your support sure would have been nice. We made it. And we will continue to make it.
Thank you for not believing we could make it. You helped make us dig in our heels and try harder. Thank you for not sharing and encouraging our faith in God's abilities to see us through difficult times. By making us defend our faith, you helped to increase it. You helped set the stage for God to prove Himself, which He did over and over again and, no doubt, will continue to do.
Friday, July 4, 2008
Christian the Lion
You may have already seen this, but I thought it was worth posting for those who haven't. Take a second to give it a look. Please forgive the cheesy Whitney Houston background music- I had nothing to do with it... Whether or not you're an animal lover, it's such a sweet story and one that will hopefully bless your heart.
One of the reasons I love this video so much is because of the spiritual parallel you can draw between the love this lion had for his friends, and his obvious joy at seeing them again, and the love and joy God (The Lion of Judah) feels when one who was lost returns. There is no such thing as being forgotten by God. No matter how far you've wandered, or what you've done- He remembers you with love and eagerly awaits your return. He rejoices at the very thought of holding you close to Him again. He forgives.
"...If a man owns a hundred sheep, and one of them wanders away, will he not leave the ninety-nine on the hills and go to look for the one that wandered off? And if he finds it, I tell you the truth, he is happier about that one sheep than about the ninety-nine that did not wander off. In the same way your Father in heaven is not willing that any of these little ones should be lost." Matt. 18:12-14
One of the reasons I love this video so much is because of the spiritual parallel you can draw between the love this lion had for his friends, and his obvious joy at seeing them again, and the love and joy God (The Lion of Judah) feels when one who was lost returns. There is no such thing as being forgotten by God. No matter how far you've wandered, or what you've done- He remembers you with love and eagerly awaits your return. He rejoices at the very thought of holding you close to Him again. He forgives.
"...If a man owns a hundred sheep, and one of them wanders away, will he not leave the ninety-nine on the hills and go to look for the one that wandered off? And if he finds it, I tell you the truth, he is happier about that one sheep than about the ninety-nine that did not wander off. In the same way your Father in heaven is not willing that any of these little ones should be lost." Matt. 18:12-14
Hope you all are enjoying a safe and happy 4th of July!
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