I've been waffling over whether or not I wanted to talk about this. You guys might think I'm nuts. But haven't I given you reason to think that a time or two before?
Anyway, ever since all the political crap (and religion bashing) started flying around on blogs, something weird has happened to me. All of a sudden, I find myself feeling a little afraid of you guys. I mean, I'm not scared of those of you I "know"- my blog buddies. And I don't mean "afraid" as in watching to see if you're lurking around outside in my yard, or anything- although I wouldn't put it past a few of you smarta**es to sneak into my yard and cover my windows with Obama stickers. But, I guess this political season brought out such a "different" side in several bloggers, and it's really driven home the point to me that we, as bloggers, really don't know jack crap about the people we read about every day. We only know what they want to tell us. We begin to feel like we know them, then... BAM! We find out there's a side to them that's... well, how do I put it? I don't know. I'm just finding that I think and feel very differently about a few people now. Not many. But a few. Most of you, my regular readers are not included in this group. But then again, I don't really know who all of my regular readers are. And I guess that's the whole point. That's what's scaring me. I'm suddenly very aware of the fact that I'm putting personal information out there about myself, including pictures of my children, to strangers. To people who may not be very nice. I know. That makes me sound like the dumbest woman on earth. Wasn't I aware of that before? Yes. Of course, I was. But it never felt scary before. Now, I'm freaked. There's an open hostility out there, an accepted spewing of hate, toward people like me (and by that, I mean Conservative, Evangelical, Christian, Republican, Homeschooler, Creationist... pick a label, any label). I've already blogged about the fact that my faith and political views (and the accompanying lack of intelligence that apparently goes along with my faith and political views) has been openly mocked these past few months. That bugs me, but it's more than that. It creeps me out to think people who "hate" me (and I don't mean "me" personally, but "me" collectively), and are openly disgusted by all I hold dear can stumble upon my blog and see all my personal thoughts, feelings, and pictures of my children. Again, I sound stupid. I know. I'm a little late to worry about my personal information floating around out there.
If you're a regular reader and commenter, please don't think, "Oh, I bet she means me." Chances are I don't. And a few of you are so wide open on your own blogs, that even when you say something that surprises me, I don't feel shocked by it- as if you're a completely different person than I had believed. You've remained true to yourselves whether talking politics, religion, or weather.
Do you guys have any thoughts on this? Have you ever felt paranoid out of the blue like this about who is reading your blog? Have you ever suddenly felt very "naked" as a blogger and been a little freaked by it? Have you ever had an experience when you suddenly realized a blogger was not at all the person you thought them to be? (Haha. If so, it wasn't me, was it?) Anyway, how have you handled this stuff? Am I just being paranoid?
I'm sure this icky feeling will pass as the political talk begins to die down and our lives return to "normal," but for right now, I feel totally creeped out about talking about anything anymore. And yet, I've just spent the last ten minutes laying my feelings out there to strangers... Once again contradicting myself.