Friday, November 21, 2008

The End of Days

I have seen something, friends. Something that signals the approaching apocalypse more than ever.

I'm not sure I can even get the words out, I'm still so frightened by what I've witnessed.

Last night... I was innocently channel surfing, and...

I clicked past QVC (you know... the shopping channel?), and I saw...
(change the channel RIGHT NOW, stupid girl)

What the...? Free Smiley Face Courtesy of www.FreeSmileys.org

I saw Barry... Manilow. And he...

Wait. I need a moment...

Okay.

So I stopped for a second on that channel (stupid, stupid girl) because I innocently thought, "Hey, what's Barry Manilow doing on QVC? That's weird."

Truer words have never been uttered, dear ones. It was weird. It was more than weird.

If only I would have heeded the sense of foreboding welling up within- that overwhelming feeling that something wicked this way comes- and changed the channel before I saw...

Before I saw...

It.

Barry was on QVC singing...

He was singing...

Oh. No.

He was singing Careless Whisper... you know, the George Michael (Wham!) song?

("I'm never gonna dance agaaain...Guil-Tee feet have got no rhy-thm")

Wait. I need another moment.

The swaying.

(Though it's easy to preet-hend, I know you're not a foo-hhooolll")

Sweet fancy Moses... The closing of the eyes. Whoops, I vomited in my mouth a tiny bit.

Barry was really feeling this song, know what I mean?

("I should have known better than to cheat a friend...)

The... Aw, Geeyawww... The Seductive Glances...
(Did Bar just look directly at me and attempt to make a sexy face? Oh, please. Say he didn't. Why, yes, Michelle. I believe he did.)

("And waste a chance that I've been given")

And the hand motions. Dear Lord. The hand motions.

("So I'm never gonna dance again, the way I danced with yoooooo-ooooo-oooo")

Gah... Somebody, please. Help me. Make it stop.

That's all I want. Just please, make Barry go away.

MAKE IT STOP.

11 comments:

mrsbroccoliguy said...

OMGaw, I think just for entertainment purposes that would be worth watching QVC! But as a huge George Michael (of the 80's) fan, I have to say, "Barry, Step Off! Sing one of your own cheesy songs!!" (But then, knowing what I now know about George, it's probably actually better/more appropriate for Barry to sing that song... oh the dilemma!)

Nicki said...

Did you TiVo it?!?!? hahah. That's totally hilarious. i wonder if there is a Youtube video?!

Elaine said...

LOL!!!! Oh Barry . . . the entertainment value you dont' even know you have.

Tami said...

Its enough to make you want to go out and buy a Jumbo size can of AquaNet isn't it?! I saw a commercial the other day for his 'new' CD of hits from the 80s. IS NOTHING SACRED?!!

Tami said...

Its enough to make you want to go out and buy a Jumbo size can of AquaNet isn't it?! I saw a commercial the other day for his 'new' CD of hits from the 80s. IS NOTHING SACRED?!!

Mom To Six said...

DARN YOU!!!!!!!! Guess who now is sitting here singing Careless Whisper in her mind...over and over! ME!!!! ACKKK!!!!!!

(But I must admit, you crack me up!!)

Ohilda

Miles' Mama said...

Did you hear about the judge who ordered Barry Manilow music as punishment for crimes? It's no joke, I will find the story and send you the link!

Long time no post, my friend, how was your Thanksgiving??

Miles' Mama said...

check this out!

http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20081126/music_nm/us_judge

Lina said...

I miss my Michelle....everything okay?

dwayne and melanie said...

Michelle,
you are a crack up!
Melanie

char said...

Um, hello? I wondering where you are. I hope everything is ok.