Day One Questions

Oh, Dear Lord. I'm not going to make it. I did not have any chocolate for breakfast. I haven't had any since yesterday afternoon. There is not a single Milano cookie or M&M in this wretched house. What kind of idiot doesn't keep a little somethin,' somethin' stashed away for an emergency? And what the %#%! kind of lame-*$$ diet doesn't allow chocolate for breakfast?

It's madness, I tell ya. My diet plan says I can drink vegetable juice at breakfast and eat a salmon frittata. What the... ??? If I'm not going to eat a vegetable, I sure as *&$%# won't drink one. Vegetables should not be consumed before 12:00 p.m. It's another well-known and documented rule. I'm certain of it. And what the flip is a salmon frittata? If I'm not mistaken, salmon is a fish, correct? Am I suddenly stuck in Bible times? Who eats fish for breakfast? I should warn you I'm feeling a tiny bit grouchy. Sure, it's undetectable to you- but it's there.

Is chocolate withdrawal a real thing? Let's say it is. I have the shakes. I'm sweating. I think I may be hallucinating- I'm fairly certain an old Buzz Lightyear doll just said something to me, but when I asked him to repeat himself, he wouldn't, so I can't be one hundred percent certain on that one. I think my hair may be falling out. Is that normal?

This is a disaster. I'm going to cave before lunch. I'll be having a Hershey's Syrup I.V. drip, please. Make it a double.

D Day

Diet Day. I'm starting Monday. Why Monday? Why not start making positive life changes today? Well... I'm not quite finished with the stupid diet book that explains what I can and cannot eat, but I will be by Monday. When I finish it, I'll have to make a trip to the store to buy all the yucky, barely edible stuff I'm allowed to eat- odd, foreign-sounding things like "Lite Cheese," and "Leafy Greens." Do they sell such things at a regular grocery store, or do I have to go to some specialty place? I do not believe I've seen "Leafy Greens" on the ice cream isle. I may have to venture beyond- possibly step into unknown territories, like that "Produce" area, although I'm not sure what that is. It's a place I've only heard about, and frankly- I'm a little scare of it.

Also, Evan and I had already planned an afternoon out together on Sunday, after church. We're going out to lunch- just the two of us- at our favorite place and then seeing a movie. I cannot possibly be expected to sit at my favorite restaurant, grazing on a piece of lettuce, while watching my son eat my favorite things, without crawling across the table and grabbing fistfuls off his plate... Can I? Of course not.

Besides... All diets start on a Monday. It's a rule. Go look it up if you don't believe me.

I can hardly wait to start (lie). I'm really looking forward to eating healthier (bigger lie) and feeling better (that one's true). This diet seems to have a buttload of fish in it. I do not eat fish. No seafood of any kind, unless it's crab rangoon... Does that count? I don't think I should eat something that drinks the same water it just peed in, or had sex in. Of course, I eat cows and I'm sure they pee in the same pond they swim in. Then again, so do little kids, but that's neither here nor there. This topic has really taken a turn.

Anyhoooo... I'm going to be replacing all that fish with chicken, so guess what I'll be eating pretty much every day of my life from now until I die, or can't stand it anymore?

The first two weeks are going to be the strictest/hardest. I will not be a happy girlie. I'm going to whine and feel sorry for myself for the entire 14 days. Maybe even 18 days. Or 25. My dear family will grow to hate me, as will many of you, I'm sure.

I also bought the book Elaine recently suggested, "Potatoes Not Prozac" (Thank you, Elaine). Got it used for one penny (plus S&H) on Amazon. I'm really eager to start that when it comes. I definitely think I have a slight sugar/carb addiction. Doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure that one out. And I've been checking out a website my SIL suggested all about women's health issues (Thank you, Jackie). I'm also considering checking out WW (as several of you suggested. Thank you, all!) if the S. Beach thing doesn't work out so well. So this fat little leaf is preparing to turn over. But she won't be happy about it. No, not at all.

I would like to call upon my praying readers to start lifting me up, please. I'm going to need all the prayers I can get. So will my family. They will probably want to kill me by Day 3.





Farewell, dear friends. At least for now. Parting is such... a huge, depressing pain in my gargantuous butt. I'll be back for you someday. You won't recognize me at first- I'll be the (almost) hot, (kinda) skinny chick, sobbing with joy and lovin' you like a five dollar... oh, nevermind. I promise you, my beloved, I will return.

Bigger Bliss!!

We just heard we've been approved by the new agency into the new program!!! I'm so excited. I can't wait to get started! The amount of crap required for this dossier is unbelievable. I'll have to try not to think too much about it, or I'll get overwhelmed and stressed. I need to just break it down into little baby steps and do it.

Woo-hoo! Let the Happy Dancing begin again! Clippity- Clop, goes the horsey!

Bliss

You know that saying- "Find your bliss?" ...Well, I did. I found mine. And, as I should have known all along, my bliss was hiding in a small carton that bears the names of my two BFFs and trusted psychiatrists, Dr. Ben and Dr. Jerry. My bliss is Pumpkin Cheesecake ice cream. Who knew? Thank you, Doctors. I may be living on three minutes of sleep a night, but you've made my waking hours joyful again (Speaking of my lack of sleep... Thank you to all who commented and emailed with ideas for me! Much appreciated! I'm definitely going to try your suggestions and I'll let you know how it goes).

I've always been of the opinion that if a dessert or snack isn't made of chocolate, there's no sense in wasting the calories. I do loves me some pumpkin pie around the holidays, but I don't sit around and crave pumpkin like I do chocolate, so I was a little surprised at how much I LOVED this stuff. It is so, so, so good. I don't even know what made me grab it at the store the other day, but- Oh. My. Goodness. I'm glad I did.

I'm sorry, M&Ms, you'll have to try harder if you want to keep your hooks in me. Mac-n-cheese, you now have a rival for top comfort food. And, Chocolate Mint Milano cookies? ...Nevermind, we're still okay. You won't be leaving me anytime soon. I'm sorry I scared you, sweetie.

Hey... What was that noise? Oh. I think it was the sound of those two Honeybaked Hams that are my arse trying to bust out of the seams of my jeans. As you may have guessed from the better-than-sex ice cream description, that whole diet plan of mine kinda tanked.

Once my son's wedding was over, and I was so disappointed in myself for not losing the 35 pounds I had hoped to lose (because I kept cheating and procrastinating until I only had like 3 weeks to get serious about losing it, then was disgusted with myself for not being able to do it in that amount of time), I slowly reverted back to my old habits (and by slowly I mean it took one or two days).

I really need to do something. The weight I did manage to lose is creeping back on fast. I am so sick of myself. I'm sick of the "I'll go ahead and eat this, then I'll start my diet tomorrow" game I've been playing with myself since I got pregnant with my first kid. That was 19 years ago. Nineteen flippin' years of looking in the mirror and feeling humiliated and disappointed by what I see. Nineteen years of trying to avoid having my picture taken because that fat chick staring back at me makes me feel so ashamed. Nineteen years of holding onto clothes two sizes too small because I'm gonna lose this weight "soon." And I'm tired of using food as the answer for everything... If I'm stressed, I snack. If I'm upset, I comfort myself by stuffing my face. If I'm happy or celebrating, let's get the ice cream out! If Darrell and I get a rare chance to go out on a date, it's dinner and a movie with popcorn- extra butter, please. I'm sick to death of it. But on the other hand...

I hate being "On a Diet." I hate eating different meals than the rest of my family- cooking one thing (a yummy thing) for them and something different for myself. I hate plain, boring, grilled chicken all the frickin' time. I don't like fish, most veggies, or other diet-friendly foods, so I'm stuck with a pretty repetitive food plan when I try to eat right. It gets old fast. I can't stick to that forever. It's time to accept the fact that I am never going to give up chocolate... or bread, or pasta, or Chinese food... completely and forever. Just ain't gonna happen. I have to find a reasonable balance between what I want to eat and what I know I should eat. It's too bad those things seem to be mutually exclusive. But, as I said, I have to do something. Even my doctor said so... and that's bad. So I'm taking her suggestion and I'm going to give the South Beach Diet a try. Yay. I believe that means no pasta, or bread, no (sob) chocolate, or anything enjoyable for the rest of my life- isn't that correct? Did I not just say that ain't gonna happen? I bought the book today and, oh boy, I can't wait to get started. Hear all that excitement in my voice?

Trying to get the rest of the fam on board for a healthier lifestyle, though, will be like trying to stop wild horses. Darrell is a big Pepsi and chips kind of guy, and the Meat and Potato King. He isn't going to change that anytime soon. And as long as I'm buying and cooking that crap for him, it's hard to keep the kids out of it.

You know somethin'? Sometimes when I try to peer beneath all this fat, I almost think I could be halfway good-lookin' if only I wasn't buried under all this lard. I wasn't too darn bad when I was younger. Not exactly a hottie, but not bad. If only I would have known it and appreciated it at the time. Maybe I can lose enough on this new diet to be not-quite-a-hottie-but-almost, again. Ya think? My eyes aren't hideous. At least I have two of them and they both look the same direction at the same time... for the most part. My smile is so-so. It would probably be better if it wasn't surrounded on every side by such a ginormous expanse of face, but it's not horrible. I have all my own teeth, which is really saying something, considering my geographical location. My hair is passably decent on the rare days I make an effort. Can a house frau in her forties be almost hot? Is there such a thing as a "Luke Warmie?" Wish me luck. I'm sure I'll keep you all posted on how the new diet goes, since I know you have nothing better to do than wonder about the size of my backside.

Insomnia

Insomniac Sheep by Rob Scotton
I've been having the worst time sleeping for the last couple of months. It's really starting to drive me crazy. My life has become a series of short naps. I can't recall the last time I went to bed and slept straight through until morning. Usually, if I fall asleep at a decent hour, I'll wake up around 3:00 a.m. and that's it. No more sleep. OR- I'll be awake until 3:00 or 4:00, staring anxiously at the clock thinking, "Even if I fall asleep right this second, I'll only get 3 hours before it's time to get up." It's not unusual for me to be up for 24 hours straight- waking up at 3:00 one morning, then staying awake until 3:00 the next. And the time I do spend sleeping only lasts for an hour or two at a time. Last night, I got to bed early and when I woke up from my first "nap," I looked at the clock and saw it was only eleven-flippin'-o'clock! Most people haven't even gone to bed by that time and I was already up. Sometimes, I can turn over and go right back to sleep. Sometimes, there are hours in between the naps. In the afternoon and early evening, I'm always so freakin' exhausted that I'm thinking, "Oh, man- I bet I'm going to lay down and just die tonight. Surely, I'll get some good sleep. I just have to." ...Ummm, no.

I don't like taking any of those OTC sleep aids, or PM pain relievers because, even though they may help me fall asleep, I think they make me feel foggy and fuzzy in the morning. I don't feel rested and awake, so what's the point? And I'm not interested in those prescription sleep meds that have all the hilarious side effects- like, "Some individuals may get up and drive while sleeping." No, thank you.

Does this happen to any of you? What do you do about it? Somebody help me, please.

This post was pretty boring, so thank you for sticking with it (if you did). Now, you're probably feeling sleepy! Hey, maybe that's my answer. I just need to read my own posts at night to put myself to sleep, ya think?

Go see what Laurie's giving away!

Great giveaway over at Pho For Five. Go check it out!

Four Months Later

Darrell and I took the kids out for a drive and went down to the town just south of us that got the worst of the tornado damage last May. This is what we saw. While a lot of progress has been made in the clean-up of debris, there is still a lot left. Then again, there is nothing left. This poor little town was just wiped out.Some of these people have already received their insurance money and moved on, some are still waiting for a settlement, some have no idea what they will do. Most are not coming back. There's no town to come back to.
While these next few shots may make for boring pictures, they were actually the saddest scenes for me to see. There are many areas that look like this- just a cleared lot, or only a foundation remaining. Just a hint of where a home once stood, and memories were made.

(If you weren't a reader back in May, and don't know what I'm talking about, you can check the posts from May 10th to around May 16th to get the tornado story, or click the label "Tornado Stories of 5/08.")

Getting a few things off my chest

And, no, that title is not a reference to my weight or breasticular regions.

Something's been going on in Bloggerville lately that has me fuming and thinking. So, I'm going to vent. If you don't want to hear a rant, this would be a good time to go grab a coke and come back in just a sec., when I probably will be referencing my weight and/or breasticular regions. You know me... I can't stay off those topics for long.

Anyhoo... Who knows what the word "blog" means? Here's the definition from Dictionary.com:

"...an online diary; a personal chronological log of thoughts published on a Web page... Typically updated daily... blogs often reflect the personality of the author.
Etymology: shortened form of Weblog..." (emphasis added by me)

A blog is the blogger's place to say whatever that blogger wants to say. While I'm all for Free Speech, I do not believe a blog is a reader's place to say whatever they want to say. If you are reading a blog and you do not happen to like what the blogger has to say, you basically have two choices.

1. Stop reading that blog and choose one more suitable to your tastes.
2. Leave a snarky comment, either telling the blogger what they need to change about their blog to suit you, or criticizing their thoughts, feelings, beliefs, etc...

Oh, wait- there's a third choice, I guess. You can also go to another blog and talk about a blogger behind his or her back, leaving your venomous crap elsewhere.

Personally, I'm a big fan of choice #1. Numbers 2 and 3 not so much.

By now, some of you will know I'm referring to a specific incident, but for those who don't, I'm not going to link to the blog where this thing recently happened. Sorry to leave you in the dark, but- for one thing, the blogger has already taken the most offensive comments down, and for another thing- it was never her intention to invite people to attack others by name, she was just trying to do a little venting of her own and have a little bit of fun, and I know she feels bad about the horrible turn the whole thing took, so there's no need to draw additional attention to it. Besides, you don't need to see that crap firsthand for my point to still be valid.

My blog is my place. Period. And by "my," I'm speaking of course on behalf of any blogger, not just myself. I am inviting you into my thoughts and my life. If you accept my invitation by reading my posts, I believe a certain level of decorum and courtesy is expected on your part. I love, love, love your comments and welcome your input, even when it disagrees with mine, but I don't believe you have the right to tear me down in "my house." Or elsewhere around the internet, for that matter.

If I were to invite you into my real life, if you were sitting in my home, you would never dream of criticizing my choices of wallpaper, or how I discipline my kids, or how my husband and I interact. At least I hope not. You would politely sit and chat. You would "play nice," just as most of us were taught to do by our mamas. If you didn't enjoy our visit, you would decline my next invitation. Simple, right?

Why should the blog world be any different? If you don't like a blogger, you can easily choose to stop reading. Why is it necessary to carve her up (especially by name on another blog)?

There are times when reading a post will cause me to think, and I'll come back to my blog and write a post of my own (just as I'm doing now), but I do not believe I have the right to dump my nasty, negative opinions all over the comment section of someone else's blog.

Another thing- A blog is not your place to make requests. This is not a piano bar. If you think a blogger has a brain full of nothing but fluff, or her posts are too deep and not fluffy enough for your taste, her religion or politics irks you, or you just plain don't like her... I don't feel it's appropriate for you to suggest she make changes. If you were to *stumble across my personal diary, tucked away under my mattress, would you feel it was appropriate to make notes in the margins offering suggestions or making corrections?

Again, my blog is my place- my thoughts, my feelings, my beliefs, my house. Why should I change my life around to suit one (or one hundred) reader(s)? If you don't like it, you may leave. That's the great thing about the blogosphere- you are only one click away from leaving a place you don't like. You don't even have to think up a nice little white lie about why you need to leave or why you won't be able to return. Perfect. You just keep your mouth shut and move on.

And... (aw, geez- there's more)... If you absolutely must leave a negative comment on someone's blog, I do not believe it is appropriate to do it anonymously. Many bloggers allow anonymous comments, me included. BUT- if you've got the stones to be mean, then have the stones to sign your name. Take responsibility for what you say. Don't be a wuss. You're already hateful, why add "Gutless Pansy" to your list of negative qualities, too?

Lastly, this whole thing is none of my business and I've poked my nose into something that has nothing to do with me. Maybe that's wrong. I dunno. If it is, I apologize. I was not involved in the incident I was referring to above, and haven't been personally attacked or insulted. I argued with myself over whether or not I should even say anything, but I have an opinion about it, and this is my blog, so... there you go.

The ladies who've been catching the crap lately are more than capable of speaking up for themselves and really don't need any back up from this fat little House Frau. I guess it's just my nature to stick up for people who are being picked on. Can't help it. Besides, I like these women and think they're writing and their blogs are great and serve a useful purpose. There's just no good reason to be mean.

Of course, I realize that I'm probably spinning my wheels. Mean people either don't know they're mean, or they know it and don't care. They already know they should be nice, but they choose to be mean anyway. Telling them to be nice, like a mommy talking to a 3 year old, is probably a waste of time. Besides, I think I'm preaching to the choir here again anyway. You guys are not the ones who need to hear this. My readership is a pretty nice, well-behaved bunch, and I'm thankful for that. Oh well... I still needed to say it. Giving lectures on being nice is what moms do.

I said at the beginning of this post that I'd probably throw something in about my weight before the end, so here it is: I'm still fat.

*Just for the record- I do not keep a personal diary tucked away under my mattress.

A reason to smile

I was nominated by Lala, at Ladybugs and Dragonflies, for this award. Isn't she a sweetheart? Thank you for thinking of me and including me in such a great list of women. I'm very touched! I love your blog and am always blessed by the pictures of your sweet, smiling girl. That kid is seriously cute!

Characteristics for the Smile Award:

1. Must display a cheerful attitude.

2. Must love one another.

3. Must make mistakes. (I think we've just stumbled onto the reason I was nominated)

4. Must learn from others.

5. Must be a positive contributor to blog world.

6. Must love life.

7. Must love kids.

Rules for The Smile Award:
1. The recipient must link back the the award's creator
2. You must post these rules if you receive the award.
3. You must chose 5 people to receive the award after receiving it yourself.
4. You must fit the characteristics of the recipient of the award, as posted by Mere.
5. You must post the characteristics of a recipient.
6. You must create a post sharing your win with others.
7. You must thank your giver.

The creator of the award is Mere

Okay, so I'm supposed to nominate 5 people, which will be hard. I can think of about 10 right off the top of my head, but I'll follow the rules and keep it to five. These are in no particular order, and are just a few of the women who bless me every day.

1. Rebecca. She won't even see this right away because she's off enjoying a much needed vacation with her family. Rebecca has such a big, beautiful heart. She loves God and her family, and is such an awesome advocate for foster care and adoption.
2. S. is devoted to her three little ones and a master at cleaning up Nutella (I would have linked to the post explaining this, but couldn't remember when it happened). She's also an advocate for those with mental challenges, particularly Down's.
3. Miles' Mama Such a genuine Sweet pea. She's the kind of girl you root for. You just want good things for her. Her sunny, optimistic thoughts always bless my heart. And her kid is so darn cute I just wish I could scoop him up and pinch him.
4. Christina, AKA Mrs. Broccoli Guy. My twin. We are similarly minded in many ways, it seems. She's constantly putting my thoughts into words, but she talks so much gooder than me. This is one busy little girlie. She is dedicated to her big family and to being a voice for ethical adoption (she is one of the contributors at VVAI). She is a woman of faith and I wish I knew her IRL. I love this chick.
5. Angel. Another advocate and another woman of awesome faith. Angel cares deeply about reaching out to those less fortunate. She strikes me as the kind of person who should not drink coffee. She's very passionate and excited about the things she believes in- no caffeine required to get this girl going. You can almost hear the passion in her posts about everything she loves... her God, her hub, her 3 gorgeous daughters, her causes.

I didn't check first to see if any of these women have already received the award. If you have, just add me to your list of fans. Thank you, ladies, for blessing me.

Other stuff: One quick, totally unrelated story before I go...

This afternoon, I heard the doorbell ring. I was busy at the other end of the house and waited to hear someone yell, "Maawwwwm?" No one did. Pretty soon, Bri came bouncing into the room so I asked her who was at the door. She said...

"U.P.Nis."

I had just enough time to formulate the thought, "What did you just call me?"

Then she said, "He just left a package."

Oh...

U.P.Nis is U.P.S.

A Pig in Lipstick

Alternate title: "If You Give a Pig a Pancake..." Chances are she'll inhale the whole stack, then look like the unfortunate creature below. These are the choices for the pics I have to send to the agency. I have to choose two. Whaddya think?? Would you give these idiots a kid?

1. Fat and happy.
2. Still fat, less happy. 3. Fat, happy, and in love. I love this one, BUT I was afraid the agency would see all that neck fat and worry that I might try to eat the baby. That isn't the impression I want to make.

4. Oh so casual with the leg propped up.
5. Lookin' all schwanky and uppity (and sparkly... do you think the agency will go for sparkly?). Vote for the two pics that make us appear to be decent parent material.

And... You can put this in your "All I Never Wanted to Know and Then Some" file: I don't know what the deal is with my skin lately. My face is just exploding with zits. Ex-puh-loading. I had to slather a bucket of crap on my face (aka concealer, for the non makeup savvy. Not literal crap. That would be gross, and just weird.) to cover them for those pictures. I think the stress of the last few weeks, with Vietnam and then deciding to start over again, is working it's way out through my skin. I'm Forty-Freakin'-One years old, people!! When does the teenage acne crap stop? You know what's funny? I never had trouble with zits until I turned 21 (Why, yes, Michelle- that is funny )... At the age that signals the official beginning of adulthood, when most people are throwing their old Clearasil tubes in the trash, my face decided to unleash He** on me. I took that horrid Accutane crap when it first started (huge mistake), and have been on just about every other thing under the sun since. ENOUGH! I want clear skin before I die. I guess the upside of it is... oh, forget it. There is no upside.

Well, that was hardly blog-worthy, but that's never stopped me before. It's all I've got for today.

Ooh, one more thing. Darrell thinks I should hold off on changing the name of my blog. He wants me to wait and see what happens with the new adoption plan. He also thinks we should use the name Sam for either a boy or a girl... . And there's your first hint about the new program we've chosen: We are allowed to specify gender. But- we have decided to leave it open. The only reason we requested a boy in the VN program, was because we were told there were more people preferring girls and more boys available. I would rather have it be the way it is when you're pregnant- you get what you get and you like it.

So for those of you who would like to play the "Where in the World is Sam?" game, you've just received your first clue. Not a good clue, I know- but I'll give you better ones when we're ready to let the cat out of the bag. You can guess as many times as you want, I won't reveal the winner until all the clues are given. If you already know the answer because I've told you or because you belong to the Yahoo group for this program, don't spoil it for those who want to play! If you are able to guess the program from this one crappy clue, I will be amazed. So amazed that I just might send you a check for one million dollars -*Might* being the key word, there (say *one MILL-ion dollars* in your best Dr. Evil voice).

Okay, so the prizes in this game are... um... kinda nonexistent, but play anyway!

Never Forget

Remembering all those affected on Sept. 11, 2001, and lifting our nation up in prayer.

Exactly what I was trying to say...

S. has an article up on her blog by Linda Keenan which goes along with this post of mine from the other day. Did you see it yet? She said what I meant, only better. If you haven't already, go read it.

Hope you guys have a wonderful, blessed day!

Nobama '08! (That one was for Nicki, Laurie, and you other lefties!)

Observations of an Idiot

I'm done commenting on the political stuff- so if you're looking for that, go away. And if you're not, it's safe for you to come back. Wait- just one tiny thing, then I'm done. All I'm gonna say is: McCain really dropped the ball the other night. What a wasted opportunity. And not a speech for people with A.D.D., that's for sure. All they got out of it was "Boring, boring, wow he's really old, boring, he really is shockingly white, irritating voice, blibbity blah, boring, do we have popcorn, he's still talking, I wonder what's on TV Land." Don't ask me how I know, I just do. Truthfully, all I could think of during the speech was the happy dance Nicki was probably doing, in her little "I Heart (that other guy)" t shirt. You were doing a happy dance, weren't you, Nicki? I was embarrassed for the guy. And his wife. But you can find better commentary on their speeches all over the place, so I'm moving on. Still not voting for that other guy (He that shall not be named), though. OK- there. Now I'm done.

Today's post is better than politics. It's about the stuff that really makes this country great- deeply intellectual, important stuff, like TV. I always catch myself accidentally typing "TB." If one slips through, don't be confused. This post is not about TB. TB is something entirely different.

I have a love/hate relationship with "House." Does anybody else watch this ridiculous show? If you don't, this post won't make any sense. I think it's funny, but probably not for the reasons I'm supposed to. I'm not a die-hard fan, but I've seen it enough to know that it's one of the most implausible and predicable shows on TV. Every week is the same thing:

1. Dr. House and his team have a patient afflicted with some odd and mysterious malady.

2. Dr. House is supposed to be brilliant and you would think that after several seasons has pretty much seen it all, yet he never knows right off the bat what's wrong with the patient.

3. Dr. House and his team toss out various possibilities, which always include autoimmune, sarcoidosis, and cancer. Here's a hint to the House team: It is never autoimmune, sarcoidosis, or cancer! Don't you watch your own show? Stop guessing those things! Pick the least obvious, most rare and obscure thing you can think of and choose that first- like a tick bite. TWO patients have almost died now from a flippin' tick. Stop with the sarcoidosis already.

4. Dr. House and his team try every cure known to man for autoimmune, sarcoidosis and/or cancer, while continuing to test for other things, just in case they're wrong (since they are always wrong) and almost kill the patient in the process, which doesn't bother Dr. House in the least, because without the treatment, the patient is dead anyway... and besides, Dr. House hates this patient even more than he hated last week's patient.

5. Someone on Dr. House's team will go against his orders because they just know he's wrong. Dr. House will go against Cutty's orders because he knows she's wrong. Everyone goes behind everyone else's back, ordering tests and treatments, and using lots of big words. Someone is still convinced it's sarcoidosis.

6. Dr. House is allowed to berate, insult, and humiliate his patients mercilessly without consequence, because the poor guy is addicted to drugs and in pain and, heck, who isn't? So we should all understand. Besides, he's brilliant- he's got that tortured genius thing going on.

7. Dr. Cutty, dressed in a skirt that's too tight, and a blouse with one too many buttons undone for a woman in her professional position and just a tiny bit of bra peeking out, gets mad at Dr. House for almost killing the patient, all the while giving him looks that say, "Take me, big boy."

8. Dr. House will remain stumped until the last five minutes of the show, when a completely unrelated conversation with Wilson will cause him to suddenly figure out what's wrong with his patient. He will swoop in and save the day right as the patient is about to take his dying breath, leaving his team stupefied and in awe of his brilliance. No one ever seems to notice that if he were so freakin' brilliant, it wouldn't have taken a completely unrelated conversation with Wilson to make him suddenly figure out what's wrong with his patient.

9. The patient is so grateful for being alive that he doesn't sue the crap out of Dr. House or the hospital for performing countless wasted procedures, almost killing him, and treating him like dirt.

10. Dr. House limps out of the hospital at the end of the day alone with a little smirk on his face.

11. I sit and wonder for the umpteenth time why I am still watching this silly show.

If you've seen the show, I'm curious to know what you think. Somebody must think it's good because it keeps coming back for a new season. If you haven't seen it, why did you keep reading this post? How sad I am for you. You could have been watching TB.

Are We Still Friends?

Well, I hope I didn't make everyone hate me after yesterday's post, but I make no apologies for who I am. Actually that's not true. I apologize all the time for who I am. One of the drawbacks to having little to no self confidence, apparently. Yes, I am a Bible-thumping, creation-believing, abortion-opposing, homeschooling, conservative Christian and... (Gasp!) a Republican (most of the time), who doesn't really enjoy politics and doesn't trust most politicians. BUT... I am also sooo many other things. I'm a bad dancer, for example. I'm fat. I'm a pretty darn good baker (which explains that whole fat thing). And a semi-professional ventriloquist. Okay, that one was a lie, but I'm trying to sound interesting here. I like long walks on the beach at sunset. Which makes living in the Midwest all the more unfortunate.

Anyway, I appreciated your comments yesterday, as always! I don't mind opinions that differ from my own and I trust most of you don't either. We all have our big girl panties on, right? If I expect you to agree with me, I will warn you in advance.

The big news for today is that Plan B has just become Plan A. Darrell and I have decided to fill out an application with a new agency and continue this adventure with a new program. Scary! But thrilling, too. I'm so excited, but trying to keep my feet on the ground at the same time. It's hard. No more details than that yet, though. I'm bursting at the seams to tell you all about it, but if I learned anything at all from our Vietnam experience it's not to shoot my mouth off so soon. Counting the chickens before they hatch, and all that. I promise I'll fill in the blanks when things start falling into place. There's going to be so much to do pretty soon- I'm sure we'll need a revised homestudy done, which will mean getting my house to that obsessive level of clean that drives my family crazy and makes me feel a little like a drill sergeant... in a fun way. We have to submit pictures of Darrell and I with our application, which will mean losing 35 pounds in about a week or so, and doing lots of test shots to see which poses camouflage most of my chins. I have to find out how to change the I171H. Frap. I don't know how to begin with that. It just expired, so it needs to be renewed, plus it needs to be changed to the new place. Do I just need to start over and get a new one? Alex is now 18, so he'll need to get fingerprinted, too. Frap again. Then there will be a new dossier to put together. Do I sound like I'm talking fast? Because I feel like I'm talking really, really fast... Oh.My.Gosh. I haven't been this happy for months. I'm so excited to be actively pursuing the path to our child again. The disappointment of Vietnam is certainly not going to go away anytime soon, but this is definitely renewing my sense of hope. Pray for me, though- it's obviously impossible not to get excited, even though I know I shouldn't. If this thing goes belly up too, I'm going to be devastated and you will be able to find me in a Baskin Robbins with my head buried in a 5 gallon bucket of ice cream.

The Right Side

There's been a lot of political talk on the internet lately, and it's been fun (and sometimes infuriating- :P) reading all the different posts and comments. Here's what I've been wondering, though, as I read those comments... Why is it so acceptable in our society to trash Christians and all they stand for? You rarely hear or see people talking about how ridiculous the beliefs of Jews, Muslims, Buddhists, or other faiths are. But it's perfectly okay to belittle, attack, and make fun of the Christian faith. Why does any and every other belief system (including Atheism) deserve a certain level of respect, but mine does not? I'm not allowed to express my faith publicly, but you are allowed to publicly attack it. If I say anything against you and what you believe or support, I'm guilty of "hate speech." You, on the other hand, can call me and all the things I value most every hateful, degrading name in the book. And the funny thing is, you do so while calling me a hypocrite! Seriously?

And as far as the idea that religion has no place in politics? I do not believe it is possible to separate one's beliefs and values from their political views. If you are able to do that, then you must be pretty wishy-washy with your beliefs. If I believe in something with all my heart, then my conscience will not allow me to vote for a political candidate whose beliefs, actions and platforms are in direct opposition to my beliefs. I don't see why that's something to be made fun of. I really don't. Can someone explain it to me? The same people who laud themselves for standing up for what they believe and speaking their minds on issues of importance to them mock me when I do the very same thing. You're convictions are so strongly held that you'll scream them from the rooftops. Great! Mine are so strongly held that I take them with me to the voting booth. What's the dif?

It also seems hypocritical to me, and pretty flippin' amusing, to hear the other guy's loyal minions attacking my political party and its candidates for not having any integrity... Do I really need to bring up some of the dishonest, insincere, indecent, unprincipled snafus of your party? I hope not, because the list is quite long and my fingers will get tired.

The truth is- there are probably not many politicians on either side with much integrity. Even if they come into the process with high ideals and a true desire to change things, I think they are quickly caught up in the corruption and bullcrap that is Washington. I don't hold a very high opinion of politicians and certainly don't trust or believe them, regardless of the party they support. They all have writers crafting the perfectly worded soundbite. They all tell you what you want to hear. They all choose running mates based on who can help manipulate a vote from you. I know I'm cynical and pessimistic, but I've come to believe they are all liars who will say anything to get in, and once they are, they screw us over without losing a minute of sleep. That characteristic seems to have no trouble crossing party line. If you truly believe your guy is sincere, genuine, transparent, and real, then I think you're the one living a fairy tale and believing a myth.

One more thing... If you find my beliefs so laughable because you believe there is no God at all, I hate to tell ya, but you are still a person of faith. You're choosing to believe something you cannot prove or see, just as I am. Only you're taking a much bigger gamble.

Moving On

Chandra, at Table Pho Three, has a post up today that I hope you will take time to read. She sums up everything I'm thinking and feeling about the Vietnam situation so much better than I could have done. My heart goes out to her and all the other Vietnam families.

I'm thinking that the name of this blog should change. Not the url- I don't want to start another new blog, just the name... I have no idea what to call it, because I really don't know what kind of blog this is. What category does it even fit into? It's sort of an adoption blog. Even though Sam didn't join our family, we still have two adoptees to talk about. But then again, it's sort of not. It's sort of a mommy/parenting blog, but not always... What is it?

Anyhoo... I'm open to suggestions. Tell me what you think. How would you categorize my blog, and what would you name it? Keep it clean, please.

If I don't get any responses, maybe I'll just rename it: "Ellipses, Commas and Dashes," because I use too many of these: "...," ",,,," and "----". How's that? :-D