Oh, Dear Lord. I'm not going to make it. I did not have any chocolate for breakfast. I haven't had any since yesterday afternoon. There is not a single Milano cookie or M&M in this wretched house. What kind of idiot doesn't keep a little somethin,' somethin' stashed away for an emergency? And what the %#%! kind of lame-*$$ diet doesn't allow chocolate for breakfast?
It's madness, I tell ya. My diet plan says I can drink vegetable juice at breakfast and eat a salmon frittata. What the... ??? If I'm not going to eat a vegetable, I sure as *&$%# won't drink one. Vegetables should not be consumed before 12:00 p.m. It's another well-known and documented rule. I'm certain of it. And what the flip is a salmon frittata? If I'm not mistaken, salmon is a fish, correct? Am I suddenly stuck in Bible times? Who eats fish for breakfast? I should warn you I'm feeling a tiny bit grouchy. Sure, it's undetectable to you- but it's there.
Is chocolate withdrawal a real thing? Let's say it is. I have the shakes. I'm sweating. I think I may be hallucinating- I'm fairly certain an old Buzz Lightyear doll just said something to me, but when I asked him to repeat himself, he wouldn't, so I can't be one hundred percent certain on that one. I think my hair may be falling out. Is that normal?
This is a disaster. I'm going to cave before lunch. I'll be having a Hershey's Syrup I.V. drip, please. Make it a double.