Monday, September 29, 2008

Day One Questions

Oh, Dear Lord. I'm not going to make it. I did not have any chocolate for breakfast. I haven't had any since yesterday afternoon. There is not a single Milano cookie or M&M in this wretched house. What kind of idiot doesn't keep a little somethin,' somethin' stashed away for an emergency? And what the %#%! kind of lame-*$$ diet doesn't allow chocolate for breakfast?

It's madness, I tell ya. My diet plan says I can drink vegetable juice at breakfast and eat a salmon frittata. What the... ??? If I'm not going to eat a vegetable, I sure as *&$%# won't drink one. Vegetables should not be consumed before 12:00 p.m. It's another well-known and documented rule. I'm certain of it. And what the flip is a salmon frittata? If I'm not mistaken, salmon is a fish, correct? Am I suddenly stuck in Bible times? Who eats fish for breakfast? I should warn you I'm feeling a tiny bit grouchy. Sure, it's undetectable to you- but it's there.

Is chocolate withdrawal a real thing? Let's say it is. I have the shakes. I'm sweating. I think I may be hallucinating- I'm fairly certain an old Buzz Lightyear doll just said something to me, but when I asked him to repeat himself, he wouldn't, so I can't be one hundred percent certain on that one. I think my hair may be falling out. Is that normal?

This is a disaster. I'm going to cave before lunch. I'll be having a Hershey's Syrup I.V. drip, please. Make it a double.


Elaine said...

Bwa ha ha ha!
But . . . You can do it! And NO, I'm not talking about the chocolate IV drip. You can do this, you can do this, you can do this! The first few days are always the hardest, and then just think of how much better you will feel! I know, you want to STRANGLE me right now for saying that, but YOU CAN DO THIS!!!!

char said...

Hang in there! I think it will get better for you. So, the salmon thing does sound a little strange, or at least a little west coast (I guess it would actually be South Beach, wouldn't it?!). Maybe it would be good, though. Oh, wait you don't do seafood..Ok, so back to my original Hang in there!

Anonymous said...

argh I posted yesterday but it isn't here?
Anyway--YOU CAN TOTALLY DO IT! You can!

The first few days are the toughest. Hang in there, it will be worth it! You are stronger than the chocolate!
p.s. we love smoked salmon but I think prob. the bagel and cream cheese to put it on are off limits? lol