This is it

This is the post I've been dreading and hoped I wouldn't have to write. Our Vietnam adoption has officially come to an end. For those who may only check this blog infrequently and don't understand what I'm saying... you're coming into this story a little late. I won't go through the whole thing again from the beginning right now. The quick version is: A lot of bad stuff happened in Vietnam. Adoptions between the US and VN are closing on Monday. We're not getting our baby... At least not from there. There you go- you are now up to speed. This has not caught us by surprise. We've known for a while now we wouldn't get a referral in time, and slowly started to accept the truth that's been staring us in the faces.

My thoughts are with the children still in Vietnam orphanages who may not be placed in a home now and get to know the love of a family. I'm thinking of all the families whose adoption hopes have been dashed today along with mine. My heart is heavy for all of us. You are all in my thoughts, and I pray your dreams of completing your families will be fulfilled. My hope is that all the turmoil and sadness of the past several months will eventually pay off in the form of a new agreement between the US and Vietnam, and that the VN adoption process will be transformed into an ethical, transparent one that puts the babies and birth mothers first.

I am so happy for the families who received their referrals in time and will still be able to travel to Vietnam, and for those who have already brought their little ones home. These past few months have seen a lot of excitement in adoption land- a lot of families have been born or have expanded. It's been a pleasure following your stories, and seeing your beautiful babies. Cherish those gorgeous little ones! They grow up so, so fast!!

To my Christian family members and friends, I would ask that you please keep us in your prayers as we seek God's direction and try to discern what we should do next, if anything. We might have a Plan B in the works (I hope, I hope, oh please, God)- one that I feel very excited about, but I'm not going to reveal any details until we know for sure. You'll have to stay tuned for that one.

As for me, I'm doing so-so. The bar is fully stocked, so to speak- the M&M's are on my left and the Ben & Jerry's is on my right. I say, if you absolutely must emerge from your Cocoon of Denial, make sure there's plenty of chocolate waiting for you at the exit. I think the hopes of Plan B are helping me keep it together, too- otherwise, I probably would have been a total mess all week.

I would also like to make a request and issue a gentle warning. Please do not tell me how I should just be grateful for the children I already have or that I am so much better off than couples who can't have any kids at all. I already know that. I am deeply grateful. I know I am incredibly blessed. It doesn't erase the fact that I wanted this child with all my heart. Please do not tell me this is probably for the best, since we already have our hands full enough, or any other thing that belittles the feelings I'm having right now and shows me you really don't get it. I will probably momentarily forget my religion and call you a thoughtless horse's butt right to your face. If you can't feel any empathy or compassion for me, or for other families in the same position- fine. No problem. Then don't say anything at all. Please.

I'm looking forward to seeing what's around the corner for us because I still believe God has one more baby in our future. I'll keep you all posted on Plan B- it's just too soon to have anything juicy to tell you.

Have a great Labor Day weekend, guys. Stay safe!