Thursday, August 21, 2008

Pretending to Feel Better

Okay, so did everyone enjoy my little pity party yesterday? Me neither. Sorry. My attitude is still pretty frappy, but no one likes a complainer, so I'll try to keep a lid on it. How 'bout if I come up with at least one positive thing to say today to balance it out?

*I'll start with the fact that my hub is awesome. He gave me a Nikon D40 for our anniversary. I don't think I've mentioned that here yet, and I should have. He also took me out for a really nice dinner and we saw a movie. What a sweetie! And it wasn't even because of the sappy, gloppy, embarrassingly goofy post I wrote about him. He bought the camera before I published that, so he gets extra points. Now, I just need to figure out how to work it, and become a talented photographer. I'll post some pictures as soon as I get a chance to take some- hopefully this weekend.

*Speaking of this weekend, our grandson Braden is coming to stay with us and we're all really excited about that!

*We're taking Tucker out on Saturday to celebrate his birthday. We'll probably do the pizza-arcade-movie circuit. He's bringing one of his buddies and Braden will be with us, so I'm sure it will be fun. He wants to wait until his actual birthday next Tuesday to have his cake and open presents. Have you ever heard of a kid who chooses to wait for presents? He says his birthday will seem boring and disappointing if he opens them all early.

There. That was three things. Let the good times roll.

Thank you for the encouraging comments yesterday. Keep the prayers coming, please. When it comes to homeschool, I know exactly what my problem is, but I just don't know how to fix it. I'm a one-track-mind kind of girl. When I'm trying to totally dedicate myself to a task and do it well, I can't seem to accomplish anything else except that one thing. If I'm focusing on school, my house suffers. I can't seem to keep an orderly home and remain devoted to school all at the same time. I just don't know how to juggle it all. Not a good multi-tasker, is what I'm saying. And when my house suffers- when the laundry is backed up and everything is out of order (or just plain filthy), and nothing is like it should be, I'm overwhelmed and miserable. When I'm overwhelmed and miserable, I seem to just shut-down altogether. I can't think straight and prioritize. I can't figure out where or how to jump in and get started, so I just do nothing. You guys have heard all this whining before... Blah, blah, blaaaahhhh.

It really does seem my feelings of security and well-being, and even my whole sense of purpose and self-worth, are all tied to having a clean and orderly house. Sucks to be me, I guess, because my family does not seem to have the same affliction. Uh-oh. There I go again with the word "sucks." Sorry. When I look around at all the able-bodied people sharing my living quarters who do not seem to be bothered by the disorder, or by the fact that I am miserable about it and clearly need help, or by the fact that they all contribute to the state of our disorder, the wallowing begins. Add to that the fact that I haven't been feeling good (physically speaking) lately, and I come down with a pretty mean case of Martyr Syndrome. And that, my dear friends, is what you call the makings for one totally awesome blow-out of a pity party with balloons and streamers. It appears that they all believe none of the disorder around here is their fault or their problem, while I constantly believe it is all my fault and always my problem and I am one gigantic, whopping lazy loser for not being able to keep up. I don't know if I've mentioned this before, but sometimes I can be a tiny bit hard on myself.

Anyhoo... How do you guys do it? How do you juggle all the different aspects of your life and keep up? And why can't I? I feel like a failure.

Reminding myself that nobody likes a complainer, so... Moving on.

We called the school yesterday about that scary kid in Evan's class. Ev didn't want us to do anything about it at all, which I understood. #ONE- He's the new guy at school and doesn't want to establish a bad rep right off the bat for running home to mommy and daddy to tattle. #TWO- I suspect he also feels a little intimidated by the kid (I would) and doesn't want him finding out he's the one who said something. #THREE- He believes the kid isn't serious, he's just saying those things for attention and it's probably "no big deal." Maybe so, but that's an awfully big chance to take, in my opinion, and even if the kid is just trying to get attention, he sounds like he really needs some help. Happy, well-adjusted kids don't say things like that just to get attention. So... we called. The VP called Evan into his office to question him about the kid, so Evan isn't too happy with us now. I think he understands why we felt we needed to call, and I'm sure he realizes it really was the right thing to do, but he's still not thrilled.

Other than the Classmate From Hades, I think Evan is adjusting to school pretty well so far. I don't think he really likes it, but he doesn't hate it either. I hope he can make a few decent friends soon. Let's hope he doesn't wind up becoming friends with Psycho Ricky. That would be an unpleasant twist, wouldn't it?

Alex started his classes and already knows he doesn't like Biology. He's also in the process of trying to find a job that will fit around his school hours. I hope he finds one SOON- something to fill his spare time before he finds another girl. I've had it with his love life. How I wound up with such a Rico Suave for a son, I'll never understand.

(Just in case you're too young to understand the Rico Suave reference, here you go...)
My kid doesn't speak Spanish, but you get the general idea.

Other than that, I'm just watching the timer ticking away toward the Vietnam shut down, which I'm sure, is adding to my depression. I knew it wasn't reasonable to believe we'd get a referral, but still... You guys know I was hoping. It's so hard to believe it's really going to be over.

That being positive thing worked out pretty well, didn't it?


Lina said...

LMAO at the video! Love it! I kind of wondered if maybe part of your feeling blue was from the looming deadline. It never hurts to hold out hope.

Oh, at my house I just let it get messy sometimes and try not to look around or I stay outside. LOL I also assign chores to the kids - on demand style. "T~ you need to clean the living for me before you get to call your friend. A~ you come and clean the table off - I know you didn't make the mess, but you're the one who's cleaning it this time. Do it first before you get to play your computer game." Sometimes they don't clean it like I would clean it, but they get it done and sometimes that's just going to be good enough. Life's too short to beat yourself up about your house being disorganized. What's important are the people in it and it's obvious through your blog how much you care for them.

I just saw headlines on Yahoo today that some kid shot and killed a classmate in TN, so you sure didn't overreact to the threat. I hope they took it seriously too.

Christina said...

OK, it only took me like 15 years to get that song out of my head! (confession: I bought the single on cassette! Yes, I am just that pathetic of a human being, but dang the song was catchy!!)
Regarding the clean house vs. everything else problem - yeah, I have it too. And I try to delegate the chores but the kids just can't clean as well as I need them to so I still end up doing a lot of it or it just stays sort of messy. I'd say hire a housecleaner but I found I spent so much time preparing for the housecleaner I really didn't save myself any trouble at all.

Elaine said...

That video!!! Ha ha ha! I don't think I ever saw it before, though I knew the song and . . . ummm . . . my best friend from college and I used to joke about getting one of those life size cardboard cutout picture thingys of Gerardo to put in our apartment. You know, for those times we may have wanted to nibble on somebody's ear or neck but there weren't real men in our lives.
"What's that stuck in your teeth?"
"Huh? Wha . . . oh. Just a little Cardboard Gerardo."
Anyway, I too am constantly on the elusive quest for balance in my life, consantly beating myself up for not fidning it, etc. Just know you aren't alone. And I'm sorry about the looming deadline. That is just really frappy.

char said...

I loved that song in high school, I can admit it. We also use the "Rico Suave" reference in our house from time to time when describing someone! I like that on his jacket at the end of the video it reads, "Latin till I die". Was that really in question? I think, barring some huge leap in science (think that biology class your son hates) we'll all be our ethnicity "till we die"! I'm glad he made it clear for us, though.
Which brings me to my next comment (yes, I always have a lot of comments for you.) I'm sad your son doesn't like biology, becuase I love it so much. I just want to everyone else to see all the great stuff I see. Wish I could help tutor him!
Then lastly, I just want you to know that even when you feel like a failure, I know you're an amazing mom raising a big family and being successful at it. Even when the school closet is chaotic, the big picture is that your house is full of love.
I'm so sorry about the shut down, my prayers are with you.

sassy chic said...

OMG that is so Alex! Made me laugh! Yes a job is most definately in his best interest... And I am so glad that you called the school. I asked my kids about him (Ricky) but neither of them knew who he was. I think they take this kind of thing pretty serious, you just can't take chances anymore. As for the house thingy I liked what lina had to say about delegating, I used to have "reality living" as the first class of the day. We cleaned up the house and bedrooms before we started school work. I didn't do this everyday but at least twice a week. It helped keep my sanity. I am like you, I have to have things in order or I feel out of control and get depressed and moody!