Friday, August 29, 2008

This is it

This is the post I've been dreading and hoped I wouldn't have to write. Our Vietnam adoption has officially come to an end. For those who may only check this blog infrequently and don't understand what I'm saying... you're coming into this story a little late. I won't go through the whole thing again from the beginning right now. The quick version is: A lot of bad stuff happened in Vietnam. Adoptions between the US and VN are closing on Monday. We're not getting our baby... At least not from there. There you go- you are now up to speed. This has not caught us by surprise. We've known for a while now we wouldn't get a referral in time, and slowly started to accept the truth that's been staring us in the faces.

My thoughts are with the children still in Vietnam orphanages who may not be placed in a home now and get to know the love of a family. I'm thinking of all the families whose adoption hopes have been dashed today along with mine. My heart is heavy for all of us. You are all in my thoughts, and I pray your dreams of completing your families will be fulfilled. My hope is that all the turmoil and sadness of the past several months will eventually pay off in the form of a new agreement between the US and Vietnam, and that the VN adoption process will be transformed into an ethical, transparent one that puts the babies and birth mothers first.

I am so happy for the families who received their referrals in time and will still be able to travel to Vietnam, and for those who have already brought their little ones home. These past few months have seen a lot of excitement in adoption land- a lot of families have been born or have expanded. It's been a pleasure following your stories, and seeing your beautiful babies. Cherish those gorgeous little ones! They grow up so, so fast!!

To my Christian family members and friends, I would ask that you please keep us in your prayers as we seek God's direction and try to discern what we should do next, if anything. We might have a Plan B in the works (I hope, I hope, oh please, God)- one that I feel very excited about, but I'm not going to reveal any details until we know for sure. You'll have to stay tuned for that one.

As for me, I'm doing so-so. The bar is fully stocked, so to speak- the M&M's are on my left and the Ben & Jerry's is on my right. I say, if you absolutely must emerge from your Cocoon of Denial, make sure there's plenty of chocolate waiting for you at the exit. I think the hopes of Plan B are helping me keep it together, too- otherwise, I probably would have been a total mess all week.

I would also like to make a request and issue a gentle warning. Please do not tell me how I should just be grateful for the children I already have or that I am so much better off than couples who can't have any kids at all. I already know that. I am deeply grateful. I know I am incredibly blessed. It doesn't erase the fact that I wanted this child with all my heart. Please do not tell me this is probably for the best, since we already have our hands full enough, or any other thing that belittles the feelings I'm having right now and shows me you really don't get it. I will probably momentarily forget my religion and call you a thoughtless horse's butt right to your face. If you can't feel any empathy or compassion for me, or for other families in the same position- fine. No problem. Then don't say anything at all. Please.

I'm looking forward to seeing what's around the corner for us because I still believe God has one more baby in our future. I'll keep you all posted on Plan B- it's just too soon to have anything juicy to tell you.

Have a great Labor Day weekend, guys. Stay safe!

16 comments:

Dawn said...

I feel so bad for you and all the families that are in the same position. While we knew that Monday was going to come, I know that many had hoped something would have been worked out. My heart goes out to all of you!

Angel said...

I am so very sorry that this has happened. :0( Angel

Miles' Mama said...

I'm not going to throw any of the usual cliches at you. Just know that you are being lifted up in prayer...I can't believe it has come to this...

Rebecca said...

I will be praying for you! I know more then anything that God will show you the way! God bless you my friend!!

LaLa said...

Sweetie, I am soooo sorry you had to write this post. I wanted so badly for it to be different..we all did. I am so sad about the whole thing and all the people who are ultimately going to be hurt by this. I pray that Plan B (which if it comes to be will be really the BEST thing ever...since we know God always has the best in mind for us) works out and soon!!1

Know that I am lifting you and all the families involved up to the Father..it is time for us to stand in the gap for each other. Hang in there...I know that ours came through "just in time" although it wasn't what we planned...I am eternally grateful for friends like you who helped all of us through this.

Sending you huge {{{HUGS}}}

Laura

Christina said...

I'm so sorry. I never wanted it to come to this - I hoped that somehow we'd be able to avert it, but to no avail. One thing I know: God is in control. We see through a mirror darkly, He sees and knows so much more. Including His plans for adding to your family. Prayers for you, for Vietnam's children, and for Plan B - whatever that may entail!

Heather said...

My thoughts and prayers are with you tonight. During this crappy time, I am looking forward to see how everyone (ourselves included) decides on Plan B. I hope you continue to share your experience with us. Bless you my dear!!

Lina said...

Hi Michelle,

My thoughts and prayers are with you. I hope your plan B works, and can't wait to hear about it. Eat all the chocolate you need sweetie.

Heidi said...

We got good news today--our I-600A approval, after almost three months. But it was bittersweet, thinking of all the families getting bad news this week. I hope and pray that Plan B or C or D or whatever God has in store for you brings you peace and happiness.

Leslie & Shaune said...

my heart goes out to your family as well as all the other American families affected by this turn of events :( I will be thinking of you Michelle.

leslie

char said...

You've been on my mind all weekend. Well, the whole situation, but you are the one person I "know" who has had to endure this loss. Prayers for you.

Laura said...

Michelle, I'm an occasional lurker on your blog and just wanted to tell you how sorry I am that your journey had to end this way. You're in my thoughts as you try to decide what direction you will take in the future.

Laura L. said...

I am very sorry that things turned out this way. Prayers for you and other families going through it.

You know the saying, "When God closes a door, he opens a window." Even though you may not see it yet, God does have a plan. That window will indeed open.

What a comfort, that God is in control and so aware of our needs.

S. said...

I am so sorry for this loss for you. I have been and will continue to pray for the families whose dreams have been shattered.

Rachel said...

Michelle, I am so sorry for this huge loss. Thank you for sharing your journey here. I am interested to learn more about your plan B - I know we've gone through several versions of that here. Your family and the other families that have lost so much in this are in our prayers.

Elaine said...

I'm behind on blog reading, obviously, but I still wanted to say that my heart just breaks for you. It doesn't matter how many children you already have. When there is one more out there for your family, there is one more out there! I know how that feels, and I can't imagine how you're feeling now. ((((hugs))))