Tuesday, February 5, 2008

Time to acknowledge what we already know...

I'm weird

...in far too many ways to discuss them all here (and my friends say, "Amen"). For now, we'll highlight only one of my special quirks. If you find yourself just dying to learn about the wonder that is Chelle, we may turn this into a series. Who knows? It may become a regularly requested feature but today, I only have time for one. Please try to understand and accept it.

Blogger is currently having trouble with their spell checker. Apparently this is an issue that Blogger is aware of and they are taking steps to correct the problem. So?

As I've mentioned in the past, I have always been a Reading/Language arts/English nut. These were among my favorite subjects in school. I planned on teaching Lang. Arts and wanted to work in a school for the deaf before God, in all His hilarity, took my life in a vastly different direction and decided my talents are better suited to sorting laundry. These subjects are also the ones I've always placed a great deal of importance upon with my children, both here at home and after they go off to the public HS because as we all know, math and stuff isn't really all that important. You can use Quicken, but you gotta know how to read, am I right?

Unfortunately, in spite of my love for words, my spelling and grammatical skills have taken a nose-dive over the years. My location is partly to blame. I've said in previous posts that I live in an area where hick-speak is widely accepted as the norm. In fact if I walked into a local convenience store and even used a phrase like "widely accepted as the norm," I might be looked at funny. It's not that people in my area are stupid. I'm certainly not trying to insult my town or the people in it! It's more that folks in these parts don't go for all that fancy high-falutin' stuff. Why say somethin' fussy like, "hick-speak is widely accepted as the norm," when it's just as easy to say "the way we talk here is plenty good enough?" Them big college words just turn folks off. We all know the saying, "When in Rome...

...get off yer dang high horse and quit talkin' like ya think yer better'n ever-body." Or something like that. I've become used to speaking a certain way, and that seeps into the way I write. It has infected the way I think. In other words, I don't think too good no more.

I also think the miraculous wonders of motherhood make you stupid. I'm sorry to those of you who are still waiting to bring your children home, or haven't been mothers long enough to notice the slow, painful loss of brain function. But it IS going to happen. You cannot listen to Dora the Explorer repeat the same flippin' words and songs over and over without a little part of you dying. Moms are incredibly tired, ridiculously busy, and unbelievably selfless. Something's gotta give, and it will be your brains. Again, I'm sorry. But isn't it better to find out now?

So, back to my quirk. Due to my decreased intellect, I've become a fanatic about proofreading. Blogger is only making my proofing obsession, and subsequent decline into madness, worse. Spell check is crack to me. I must have it. My last post contained a couple misspellings that went undetected and I was devastated. After I proof something once (OK, that's not true- it's usually twice...), I will sometimes ask Darrell to double-check it (if it's something important). Then, because I don't trust his findings, I will check again. Can you spell n*e*u*r*o*t*i*c, kids? No? How 'bout an easier one: O*C*D?

And, because I'm a busy, half brain-dead mom, I will always miss something. When it comes to these posts, I swear that the tiniest thing; a thing that eluded my attention during 3 separate proofs, will be suddenly glaring at me as soon as I hit the publish button, and it's out there for all the world to see. If I don't make the discovery immediately, but a few days after, it is always accompanied by a great internal debate: Do I give into my perfectionistic craziness and edit it after everyone has already seen it anyway, or do I "just relax" and leave it?

Of course, I do like to assualt the English language intentionally at times, for effect- like starting a sentence with the word "And," or my flagrant disrespect for dashes, commas, semicolons, etc. As I said- I write like I talk, and I want you to "hear" me talking, so I'm not worried about those.

Some of my most embarrassing and flagrant offenses can't be healed by spell check, anyway. For example, some little smart-aleck lodged in the darker recesses of my head thinks it's funny to switch your and you're. I cannot tell you how crazy this makes me. How I manage to do this so often, when I'm so careful to check for it, is a mystery. I know the difference between your and you're. I do.

Does anyone know when spell check will be fixed? I don't know how long I can take it. I'm suffering, here. How can Blogger not care about that? Hey, is anyone interested in a proofing job? The pay's lousy, and I will neither trust your findings nor take your advice. Interested? Darrell just quit...

The New and Improved Blog will be revealed soon. Are you sitting on the edge of your seat? I am. I can't wait!


Rebecca said...

Oh My goodness--you read my mind!!! I reread (is that a word??) my posts all the time and everytime I find a mistake I will fix it. I also LOVED the Dora comment! I find that I keep putting the Spanish settings on Lilo's toys instead of English--OH MY. Can't wait to see your new blog!!!

Sabrina said...

Did you just read the last chapter of my life?! I've been frantic since spell check went awall. And yes it is a well known fact that motherhood slowly suctions all the brains from our full minds, while putting that wonderful knowledge into our childrens heads. The remaining emptyness is replaced by well known childrens songs and statements from even more popular childrens video's. The result: a constant stream of parentease that your children will soon begin to comment on in disgust. Cause they now have all of your brains.