Friday, April 4, 2008

Is it normal to leave Target feeling traumatized?

Because yesterday I left Target feeling traumatized. I've often left Wal-mart feeling stupefied, disturbed, sickened, regretful, and even violated, but I have never once left Target feeling traumatized.

Here's the deal: I was shopping (by myself, and how often does that happen?) at Target, minding my own business and having a fabulous day. I stopped at a shelf to look at something. When I was done, I grabbed my cart and wheeled back out into the aisle. The store was fairly quiet and I thought I was alone in the aisle. All of a sudden- WHAM! Something slams into my leg. I turn around to see what just hit me and, lo and behold, it was a W.O.U.S (A Woman Of Unusual Size. Have you not seen Princess Bride?). A big girl, is what I'm saying. She was riding on one of those scooter thingies and she just crashed into my leg. I mean no disrespect to big girls. After all, I am one. Many of us are lovely people. This one was not.

I IMMEDIATELY said, "Oh, I am SO sorry. Please excuse me!" And I really was sorry. I was embarrassed. I didn't hear her coming and she was behind me, so obviously I didn't see her. But she starts shaking her head, huffing and puffing, rolling her eyes, sneering and glaring at me like I leaped out in front of her scooter thingy on purpose. That's my idea of sabotaging a W.O.U.S.'s day, I guess. Maybe it was rather rude of me, not having eyes in the back of my head and all. I don't know.

Her reaction made me a bit mad since it was just an accident and I did sincerely apologize. As she sped off on her scooter thingy at a rate of approximately 1.5 miles per hour, still shaking her head and huffing, I was feeling pretty ticked.
So I muttered, "Wow, what a sweetie," kind of under my breath but not really (this was unwise).
She yells over her shoulder, "Yeah, aren't you though, YOU B**CH!!!!"
I was totally stunned; standing there with my mouth open...

Traum-uh-tized.


Her husband, who was walking way ahead of her (though I can't imagine why) must have asked her if she'd hit someone. I couldn't hear him, but the next thing she shouted was, "Yeah, but only because THIS B**CH stepped right out in front of me!!!!"

Let's interrupt our story for a quick recap, shall we?
  1. I get rammed by a scooter.
  2. I apologize for getting rammed by a scooter.
  3. I get cussed at for being rammed by a scooter.
Can you believe this? I'd just received two B words in the span of two minutes. That hadn't happened since my wedding day, during Darrell's vows. Muwahahah! Just kidding. So I was half hoping she would turn around and say something else to me. I was READY to rumble by that time. I don't know what I would have said or done, but I do know I can outrun a scooter thingy travelling at 1.5 miles per hour, so I was feeling pretty brave.

The gal's husband must have been feeling pretty brave, too. He said something else to her (I didn't hear what) that wasn't pleasant, because next she says to him, "OH EFF YOU (only she didn't say "EFF")!!! I decided that was waaaay more hate and hostility than I was prepared to handle, and if he had the good sense to walk ahead of her and her scooter thingy, maybe I should take that as a clue. So I turned and left.

By the way, she looked so much like Tiny Tim it was scary. Does anyone remember Tiny Tim? I am telling you, this is HER! This is the exact look the lady gave me, except her lip was all snarled up and her teeth were showing, further adding to my trauma...
And her teeth looked like Tiny Tim's, too. But not in a good, smiling way. Picture this face looking up at you, but with a hateful sneer in place of the smile. I had to sleep with my closet light on last night, you guys. Seriously.

So... How was your day?

11 comments:

Elaine said...

Oh my word! First, don't ever stop blogging because you tell the best stories (or at least tell them in the best way). Second, can you believe people?!?!? I mean, maybe she was just having a really bad day or something, but still! I hope you don't have nightmares about Tiny Tim chasing you through Target on a scooter while singing about tulips. Wasn't that his song? Maybe?

Michelle said...

LOL!! So funny. Yes, that was his song- Tiptoe Through the Tulips, or something like that (??). I think. And thank you for the compliment!!

reslie said...

Wow. That story made ME mad, and I wasn't even there. LOL!

Some people are just crazy and not worth your time or energy.

Laurie said...

OH my gosh- I'm laughing so hard it hurts. That is THE funniest story that I will be sharing with others for sure. I can see the whole thing happening- what a great writer you are!! :) Oh, and sorry about your leg. :(

Christina said...

Oh my gosh. I am cracking up and freaking out for you at the same time! Holy cow! Did this woman not realize she was at the wrong store? That is not the behavior we have come to expect from Target Shoppers!! Clearly she was zooming around passing the time while she waited for the Target pharmacy to fill her psycho meds prescription...

Chandra said...

*LOL* Oh man, what a psycho! I am so sorry you had to deal with that woman. And I feel bad for her husband too! Obviously not a nice person to spend your time with, who can blame him for walking ahead of her!

Beverly and Robert said...

Hey, I had a simular thing happen to me 5 years ago. Only the lady was pushing her cart (Walmart) She rammed me twice in my ankles! OUCH! And told me to get out of her way. I finally stopped and told her I was not moving and for her to go around me. Now I do not have a mean bone in my body. BUT! When she went around me (she called me a "B") I rammed her with my cart! I just went completely out of my head! I guess I confronted the "Bully" and the bully ran home to mommy. She left her cart and everything!

Lina said...

That is so funny! Something similar happened to us at the state fair. My daughter (6 years old) bumped into a woman who had stopped to look at something. My daughter bumped her FACE on the woman's elbow. I said I was sorry to the woman and kept walking. Then I leaned down as we were walking away and asked my daughter if she was okay. The woman started hollering at us, "You should be asking me if I'M ok!! She bumped into ME!" I looked back at her and said I was sorry again and she just kept on hollering at us about it being my daughter's fault.

Looking at her I realized that she was probably not all there mentally, but I still felt horrible. Seriously, I think some people are just angry at the world and need to make others feel as bad as they do. I'd probably be angry too if I looked like an obese Tiny Tim and had to ride around on a scooter. ;)

steppingonlegos.com said...

I may be traumatized too, just reading this, if I could ever stop gasping for air long enough from laughing so hard to fully process what happened!!!!!! Ok it wasn't the incident that made me laugh but your retelling of it. I feel sorry for her husband - at least you only had to deal with her for a few minutes, he has her for the rest of his life!

ladybugsmama said...

OK--the story was funny but so was Christina's comment, lol! Your alone time at Target should never be marred by personal injury and insults--but at least you don't have to live with her!

Michelle said...

You know the funniest thing about Christina's comment? I died laughing when I read it, because it appeared as if they WERE heading towards the pharmacy!! I think she may have hit the nail on the head.