I ordered a gift for Sam's birthmom. It's personalized, which makes it non-returnable- obviously- and I'm already questioning my choice. It's a necklace with a sterling silver heart that looks like this except that it won't have that baby's face on it. I don't know that kid. That is a sample baby. It will have Sam's face (from his referral photo) laser engraved on one side and a message from us engraved on the other. The message says that she "will always remain in our hearts and be a part of our family- With love and gratitude from Michelle and Darrell."
Golly, Michelle, would you like a little wine with your huge wheel of cheese? "With love and gratitude"... Gyaaawwwsh... Is that not the dopiest, cheesiest thing to say?
Gratitude? Like, "Oh, yeah, thanks for that baby there, sweetheart. Real nice of you." The word gratitude doesn't quite cut it, does it? I mean, how do you convey to someone- in a one inch space and 130 characters- the range of emotions you feel; how your heart is breaking for her over the pain this has to be causing her, how you've cried over knowing that the source of your blessing and joy is also the source of her sorrow, but gee- you're oh so happy to be getting her baby? How do you tell her that since you already love her baby as your own, you also love her- because, after all, how could you not? She's a part of him- and gosh, you sure hope she'll feel the same way about you? How do you say to someone, "I'm desperate to earn your approval," without sounding... well... desperate?
How do you make her understand that it's going to rip your heart out to take that baby from her arms, but you can hardly wait to do it?
One inch of space and 130 characters is not enough.
Cripes. I'm freaking out here, aren't I? I'm over-thinking it... just a tiny bit? Feelin' a little crazy- and not in the fun way. Oh well, I'm already knee-deep in the insanity- might as well keep going...
Was it a mistake to be so personal? Maybe something more "generic" would have been better. Maybe she doesn't want to be "a part of our family, blah.blah.blah..." Maybe she will resent us. Was it a mistake to put the baby's face on it? Will that just be a constant reminder of what's missing in her life? I was trying to do something that would have a special meaning for her, but was I being insensitive instead? She's giving me a baby and I'm giving her... What? A sterling silver piece of crap? What kind of pathetic trade is that?
So... Tell me, dear friends and strangers- am I an idiot? Did I pick a cruddy gift? Or am I just suffering a little buyer's remorse (albeit accompanied by an itty bitty nervous breakdown) over the necklace because I can't change my mind and return or exchange it?
You would tell me, wouldn't you, if I'm a huge moron?
Actually, I'd rather you didn't.