Farewell Dear Friends...

I hardly knew ye.

Alas, the time came to say goodbye to the beautiful champagne shoes today. This picture is a little yellowy (too gold), but you can still get the idea.

The Gorgeous-Never-To-Be-Spoken-Of-Again-Dress has already been returned. That's not completely true- I did return it, but I doubt it will never be spoken of again. I imagine I will be creating all kinds of fun opportunities to speak of this dress for years. And years. I never posted a pic of the dress, but it was the exact same color as the shoes... How often does that happen? I mean, when you don't pay to have shoes dyed to match, obviously. It was as if they were made for each other. And both were made for me. Insert big sorrowful sigh here.

Some of you smaller, healthier snots may not understand how difficult it really is for some women to find a dress (swimsuit, whatever) that makes you feel confident and good about yourself. Bigger ladies will understand. How often do you get to look in a mirror and confidently think, "Oh yeah, baby. I look good!" ???? I don't mean that in an "Oh, poor me. Feel sorry for me. I'm fat," kind of way- it's just a fact. Fashion does not cater to larger women. We get the nerdy grandma clothes. In my champagne dress, even though I knew I still looked like a wildebeest, I felt like a good-looking wildebeest. Oh well. I'm sure I'll feel fine in the Tinkerbell dress, too. And the day is not about me feeling good, anyway. So who cares?

Once again, I digress. Since the dress was gone, it was time to unclench my fingers from the satiny soft, bejeweled straps of my precious friends and let them go. There's no need to wear this kind of fancy stuff in Walmart and, since Walmart is usually the fanciest place I go each week (Geyawwww. My life is so sad.), I had to return the jewelry, too. Needless to say it was an emotionally difficult day for me, and I'm quite proud of myself for getting through it. I didn't even cry as the cashier tore the shoes from my fat little hands. Not much anyway. It just proves one never knows what one is capable of until faced with unspeakable hardship.

Kidding. I kid.

I found a different pair of shoes, more expensive than the ones I returned. Of course. Ten dollars more, and I like them ten dollars less. They're sparkly. They're silver. I'm a fan of silver shoes about as much as I am a fan of sparkles. Some are a little too "Drug-Addled Cheap Prostitute at Studio 54" for my taste, but these are okay. They're actually kind of pretty. Olivia was with me and calls them Cinderella shoes. I now have a Tinkerbell dress and Cinderella shoes. Nice.

All I need is the Jasmine harem pants with the Little Mermaid clam shell bra/tube top thingy and I'm good.