Friday, December 14, 2007

Sarcasm Free Version of an Update for the Humor-Challenged

OK- for those family and friends that do not appreciate my sense of humor as much as I do, I'll give a short and sweet update of where we currently stand.

  • Still no power, so no hot water, no clean clothes, no cooking.
  • Generator still keeping heater on, for the most part (it gets tired sometimes and decides to take a little break).
  • School is still closed.
  • Liv had the flu, but is better. Alex has a sinus infection that wants to hang on. We're all getting colds.
  • Darrell tried to help me yesterday by gathering up some of the dirty clothes (*some* as in 7 large Hefty bags), and taking them to a laundromat. He left before lunch and drove around our town and one other one, looking. The ones that were open had so many people waiting, that he returned home at 4 p.m. without ever getting his turn to use the machines. We're trying again today. We're all out of clean clothes, although I still have clean underwear, Thank God, so I can at least change those and put my dirty clothes back on. I'd probably be ready to put my head in the oven if I was stuck wearing dirty underwear for days. Of course, putting my head in an electric oven without any electricity doesn't seem all that threatening- just kinda weird. I'm proud to say that I have enough underwear to last me for weeks. I have amassed this impressive underwear collection for just such a time as this. So, "In your face!" to all who made fun of my compulsive underwear purchasing and hoarding. How crazy am I now, huh? I told you this day would come. If there's ever a nuclear attack and we have to live in underground shelters, I'll be set for months, while others sit and cry over their sorry, panty-less plight. Whoops... Veering off into Smartypants Territory again. Sorry. Can't help it. My apologies to my unfunny friends. You know who you are. I'll get back on track.
  • While searching for a laundromat, as the frustration and stress of the past week took its toll, Darrell finally snapped and yelled something "unfriendly" at an old person in a parking lot. Isn't that the kind of thing you go to hell for?
  • Situation not good. No way to prepare for guests coming on 22nd and 23rd. Feeling embarrassed, hopeless, and helpless. Wishing Christmas wasn't coming- which I cannot believe I'm saying, because Christmas means more to me than any other holiday. Sitting around crying, worrying over all this (There, now, that's way more enjoyable than trying to be funny, isn't it?)
  • Will be serving Oreos, and cold hot dogs for Christmas. No, that's not the hor d'oeuvres, that's dinner. Uncooked Ramen noodles broken up over crackers is the hor d'oeuvre.
  • Need to finish Christmas shopping. Don't want to go shopping with dirty hair, clothes, etc. Much too vain for that, and don't want to ever take another cold shower again. Took paramedics 10 minutes to revive me after the last one (see yesterday's post). Oh, I'm doing it again. Sorry.
  • By the way, my recent post "Captain's Journal: Day 47" was written with thoughts of those old Civil War, or Donner Party diaries in mind. I love reading that kind of stuff, and love the verbosity in the writings of those days. If you go back and read it in that context, maybe it will make more sense. I'm really not as strange as I seem (ok-that's not true). There is a method to my madness.
  • Anyway, that's it in a nutshell. This was boring. I must say that funny is more fun. I'm doing it my way next time.

4 comments:

Tracy said...

I get your humor and laughed my *ass off at your last couple of posts. Keep it up! There are still some of us out there who appreciate you!

Tracy said...

Sorry. Meant to type "*ss". Didn't mean to cuss on your blog!

ccyoung said...

Michelle, I'm so sorry you are without power (and clean clothes) in such cold weather. Having been through an ice storm myself, I totally understand how your holiday spirit is starting to freeze up! Hang in there. It can't last forever!

And congratulations on being DTV!

Colleen

Alice said...

I hope your power comes back soon! This happened to me for a week in Atlanta (we can't handle ANY snow fall or ice in the south)- no power, no heat, no cooking, icey showers. It was terrible! Hang in there! I'll be praying for you!

I was glad to see your announcement about DTV though! Congrats!