Wednesday, October 10, 2012


For starters...  I've messed with my blog background again, as you can plainly see.  I know some of you hate that ("Why can't she just pick one and be done with it already?").  I'm sorry.  I didn't like how dark and ominous it looked.  It was depressing me.  I like it lighter...  For now.  Next week?  We'll see.  ADD girls get to change their blogs as often as they like.  Someday I will write all these rules down for you.

Speaking of rules...  We're making a new one.  I have a problem that we need to address and correct today.  I've kept quiet about this as long as I can.  Something horrible is happening.

It's Impordant. No, I didn't misspell the word. That's my problem. Impordant. People are saying it like that. Like there's a D in it. There's no D, guys.  The word is 'imporTant,' with a T.   There's no flipping D.

I've tried to be a good sport about it. I've listened to it for a long time without saying a word.  But I've reached my limit.

At first, I thought it had to do with the region in which I live.  I'm right here where Hicks and Rednecks begin to co-mingle and breed with Southerners (God help me), which creates an interesting potpourri of mispronunciations and a veritable Vortex of Grammatical Doom.  I've told you many times, here in Cowcrap County, English is almost a second language.  It's usually fun. You don't gotta talk good 'round here and ain't nobody gon' give a crap. See? Try it. You can call yourself bilingual!

Yeah, it's fun...  For a while.  Until someone ruins it with impordant...  Although, they- these evildoers- usually say it like this: "ImPORdunt." 

Today, this word is being added to my list of Things That Are Driving Me Crazy.  The list includes, but is not limited to:
  • The way Canadians say about and house (No offense to my Canadian friends.  I love you.  You just talk weird.)
  • The diatribes of certain Liberal Dems
  • The phrase "I could care less," when you actually mean you couldn't care less
  • The Hub
  • The words irregardlessnucular, birfday, and now, impordant 

Actually, it will probably rise to the top of that list because it's quite possibly going to usher in the cardiac event which ultimately leads to my demise, so I can honestly say it's killing me.

YES, it is that big of a deal.  It's killing me, people.  Well, that and the candy I had for breakfast.  But, you get my point.

Along with the thought of (He Who Shall Not Be Named) spending another four years in the White House, this is the only other thing making me wonder if I'd like to try being euthanized.  Well, that's not true.  There are other things.  My tendency toward gross exaggeration, for example.  Nevertheless, I may ask a loyal volunteer to go all Colonel Mustard on me with a lead pipe in the conservatory.  Or my kitchen... The shed out back... Whatever. Just put me out of my misery.

To recap:  There is no D in imporTant.  And we're all agreeing to make any necessary adjustments to our diction.  Today.  It's our new rule- we say Important with a big, ol' T.  We did agree on that...  Right, guys?  I could have sworn we did. 

Henceforth, I shall accept the following pronunciations:
  • Important (obvs)
  • Import'nt (I think my own redneck-infused pronunciation sounds like this, so it gets an auto-pass.)
  • Importunt
  • Importent (...although, if you are misspelling important as importent, someone should beat you with a bag of oranges.)
  • Even Importint
I cannot accept Importont.  That's just nuts.

At least with these, the consonants are being spoken correctly, and vowels are left to be enunciated as region and culture dictate.  But we must maintain the consonants, people.  If we monkey around with consonants, anarchy ensues...  All hell breaks loose...  The fabric of our civilization unravels, and we all die.  Do you want that? 

Do you?

We are agreed, then.  We are done with imporDant.  We are saying important, with a T, from now until Jesus returns.

So it is written, so it shall be done.  Amen.  And thank you.


Anonymous said...

It's importunt that I tell y'all how awesome I th'ank that post wuz. :)

(Sorry, I'm from the Pacific Northwest. My attempt at hick/southerner is obvs going to be wrong and insulting. Why I tried is quite beyond me. So. Sorry. [But, the post was awesome. And funny. You rock.])

Kate Gj. said...

It's funny that you bring this up as I've noticed it lately too (not just Hicks and Rednecks as you mention). I've heard it from seemingly smart peeps and had to wonder if perhaps I was the one saying it wrong all these years - since I say important (obvs). Of course your recap is as hilarious as ever.

I'm glad that Dinker and I both made your top 5 list things driving you nuts. (I'm not Canadian and have good grammar.) You know I love you though!

Michelle said...

Hahaha! The key word is *certain,* Kate. Certain Liberal Dems. You're not driving me nuts. Yet. :D Love you, too!

Anonymous said...

I am so lucky!!! Nobody slaps a d into that word where I live. No, we are all glottal stop people who say "impor'nt". I think we leave the t out all together, but at least we don't replace it with a d. THANK GOODNESS! As far as He Who Mus Not Be Named being in office for four more years, I plan to stand outside my local voting location with my wand and quietly cast the imperius curse on everyone going in. I think I need to start a Facebook page to encourage others to do the same. Desperate times call for desperate measures.

Tami said...

Can we please add, 'Ti-ans' to the list? (Or really any word that removes a middle consonant!) Our school has the Titans as their school mascot. However, the cheerleaders obviously ALL have contracted my daughter's hearing loss and can't hear the middle 'T.' If I hear one more cheer of, 'T-I-T-A-N-S...Ti-ans, Ti-ans, We're the best!' I'm going to insist they all get their own IEP with 30 minutes of speech a day! Ugh. Anya is enjoying her first year as a cheerleader. I have threatened her with grounding if she pronounces it that way! :)