Is it normal to leave Target feeling traumatized?

Because yesterday I left Target feeling traumatized. I've often left Wal-mart feeling stupefied, disturbed, sickened, regretful, and even violated, but I have never once left Target feeling traumatized.

Here's the deal: I was shopping (by myself, and how often does that happen?) at Target, minding my own business and having a fabulous day. I stopped at a shelf to look at something. When I was done, I grabbed my cart and wheeled back out into the aisle. The store was fairly quiet and I thought I was alone in the aisle. All of a sudden- WHAM! Something slams into my leg. I turn around to see what just hit me and, lo and behold, it was a W.O.U.S (A Woman Of Unusual Size. Have you not seen Princess Bride?). A big girl, is what I'm saying. She was riding on one of those scooter thingies and she just crashed into my leg. I mean no disrespect to big girls. After all, I am one. Many of us are lovely people. This one was not.

I IMMEDIATELY said, "Oh, I am SO sorry. Please excuse me!" And I really was sorry. I was embarrassed. I didn't hear her coming and she was behind me, so obviously I didn't see her. But she starts shaking her head, huffing and puffing, rolling her eyes, sneering and glaring at me like I leaped out in front of her scooter thingy on purpose. That's my idea of sabotaging a W.O.U.S.'s day, I guess. Maybe it was rather rude of me, not having eyes in the back of my head and all. I don't know.

Her reaction made me a bit mad since it was just an accident and I did sincerely apologize. As she sped off on her scooter thingy at a rate of approximately 1.5 miles per hour, still shaking her head and huffing, I was feeling pretty ticked.
So I muttered, "Wow, what a sweetie," kind of under my breath but not really (this was unwise).
She yells over her shoulder, "Yeah, aren't you though, YOU B**CH!!!!"
I was totally stunned; standing there with my mouth open...

Traum-uh-tized.

Her husband, who was walking way ahead of her (though I can't imagine why) must have asked her if she'd hit someone. I couldn't hear him, but the next thing she shouted was, "Yeah, but only because THIS B**CH stepped right out in front of me!!!!"

Let's interrupt our story for a quick recap, shall we?

1. I get rammed by a scooter.
2. I apologize for getting rammed by a scooter.
3. I get cussed at for being rammed by a scooter.

Can you believe this? I'd just received two B words in the span of two minutes. That hadn't happened since my wedding day, during Darrell's vows. Muwahahah! Just kidding. So I was half hoping she would turn around and say something else to me. I was READY to rumble by that time. I don't know what I would have said or done, but I do know I can outrun a scooter thingy travelling at 1.5 miles per hour, so I was feeling pretty brave.

The gal's husband must have been feeling pretty brave, too. He said something else to her (I didn't hear what) that wasn't pleasant, because next she says to him, "OH EFF YOU (only she didn't say "EFF")!!! I decided that was waaaay more hate and hostility than I was prepared to handle, and if he had the good sense to walk ahead of her and her scooter thingy, maybe I should take that as a clue. So I turned and left.

By the way, she looked so much like Tiny Tim it was scary. Does anyone remember Tiny Tim? I am telling you, this is HER! This is the exact look the lady gave me, except her lip was all snarled up and her teeth were showing, further adding to my trauma...

And her teeth looked like Tiny Tim's, too. But not in a good, smiling way. Picture this face looking up at you, but with a hateful sneer in place of the smile. I had to sleep with my closet light on last night, you guys. Seriously.

So... How was your day?

Adoption Status: Stalled

According to my little tickers at the bottom of the page, it's been one year since deciding to begin our adoption and 3 months, 2 weeks, and 2 days since our dossier went to Vietnam.

As I've told you before, I'm sometimes asked why I don't ever mention our adoption progress on our adoption blog. Where are the updates? My answer is always the same: There is no progress. I have nothing to report, so I talk about the idiotic details of my boring house frau life instead. It's depressing to keep trying to talk about an adoption that I'm beginning to fear will never happen.

Yes, we are still trying to adopt. Yes, we still want to add one more child to our family. In fact, I'm currently having the mid-life-crisis-baby-cravings so bad I can hardly stand it sometimes. Which is exactly why I don't like to talk about it. My "baby" is turning 7 in a week. I've never, in 18 years of motherhood, had a kid that old before without a baby or toddler coming along behind him. That's a lot of years caring for little ones. Bottles, diapers, Sesame Street... That's what "normal" is to me. Babies is what I do! lol. So this feels pretty foreign. I don't like it.

For family and friends that don't know, the situation between the US and Vietnam continues to look bleak. As I said last time I recapped this, no one knows for sure yet what will happen after September 1st when the agreement between our countries expires, but each new statement issued and every new bit of news sounds like another nail in the coffin. It's not looking good. I'm feeling increasingly hopeless, although I'm trying not to. For those interested, details on the latest scoop can be found here at Bring Our Children Home, and Christina has written about the most recent turn of events over at VVAI.

On a personal level, our agency has still NEVER received a single referral, EVER, from Vietnam. So even if the Vietnam situation turned around overnight, and all is suddenly resolved, we are with an agency that is having trouble establishing a good working relationship in Vietnam. It's very frustrating. We never hear from them. They, I'm sure, are just like me and have nothing to report, so I can't fault them for that. We have handed over thousands of dollars to them, which I'm sure would be difficult to get back, and we still have no idea what we will do in the event that Vietnam closes. It's scary.

In my last conversation with our coordinator, we discussed our other options. She said they are strongly encouraging their VN families to "dual enroll" in another program. If we chose to do that, it doesn't mean we would end up with two concurrent adoptions. We'd enroll in two and go with whichever one gives a referral first, then the dossier would be withdrawn from the other country. "We" (read that as Darrell) aren't sure "we" want to do that, because "we" want to wait to see what happens. Apparently "we" are very patient people who like waiting.

I believe we qualify for: Ethiopia, Kaz, (possibly) Russia, (possibly) China special needs, and domestic African American.

Our hearts were so set on Vietnam that we are having trouble even trying to seriously consider and talk about what we'll do. With all of these, there are so many factors to consider and drawbacks to each one. To make it all extra fun trying to decide, I've recently heard rumors of trouble brewing in Kaz and Ethiopia, too- although I don't have any reliable information on either one.

I would do the domestic AA program in a heartbeat, because I do love the idea of getting to have a baby baby again; a tiny newborn would be wonderful! But we have to be completely honest and consider what's best for the child, not what's best for the mommy. We live in a ridiculously small town that is far from diverse, racially speaking. We know people (quite well) who could make the life of our AA or Ethiopian child "difficult." I'm trying to be delicate here, but you get what I'm saying, right? There are idiots out there. Some of the same people who fawn and fuss over how cute my Chinese daughter is may not feel so warm and fuzzy about my AA baby, which brings up the interesting topic of the degrees of racism so many of us carry around every day, but that's a whole other post. Anyway, am I prepared to handle those idiots on a daily basis? Is it fair to bring a child home knowing they will have to deal with those idiots every single day? I just don't know how I feel about all that yet.

I like the idea of bringing home a special needs child who may have otherwise not found a family. Darrell and I both were sure, going into this, that we wanted an Asian child, mainly so that Bri could have that common link with her sibling- so that would be a point in the China SN column. However, how serious of a special need we feel able to handle is another matter. And we're not even completely sure we would qualify for that program.

Our main drawbacks with the Kaz program are: 1. Blind referrals, and 2. 6 weeks in country. I don't even know who would care for our kids for 3 weeks in Vietnam. Who on earth wants to be responsible for 6 kids for 6 weeks?

The biggest thing that's keeping us from acting on any of the other choices is what I said above; the fact that Darrell really wants to wait it out and see what happens with Vietnam. He feels that we believed at the time God was leading us in our decision, so we should believe it now, regardless of what the circumstances tell us. We need to be faithful and see what happens. OK. I guess that's what we'll do then. I do believe God led us into this adoption. I do believe He has another child in store for us. I just don't feel as confident that it was God who chose Vietnam. Maybe that was just us. But, Darrell is right. We need to be faithful and patient. Oh, yea! A chance to show off my strong points... :0

So there you go. There's your adoption update! In all honesty, I've been having serious thoughts about stopping this blog for a while now. I'm not a blogger. I never intended to start a blog to talk about nothing in particular, and since the only adoption news I can give is basically a rehash of a previous update, I'm struggling to find a reason to keep doing it. There are plenty of adoptee blogs, parenting blogs, motherhood blogs, etc., all doing it better. So I don't know. We'll see what happens on that, too, I guess.

This is what I get for making fun of Trekkies

I've made some slightly unkind, sarcastic comments about Star Trek fans in my life. Star Trek, Battlestar Galactica, comic book nuts (er, fans)... Same difference. I have judged them. I've called them names. I have been almost a tiny bit mean, maybe. But no longer. Something has happened to change all that. I fear it's all coming back to bite me, so I am turning over a new leaf. A leaf of love, compassion and understanding. From this day forth I say, "Rock on, pitifully lonely, pointy-eared, spandex costume-wearin,' still-living-with-your-mom, never-had-a-girlfriend, nasal spray-addicted, convention-goer! I salute you!" Oh, sorry. It just slips out. That was the last one. I'm all done, startinnng... ... ... NOW.

Earlier today I was giving Tucker my "undivided attention" (meaning I was utilizing that awesome Mom Listening skill where you maintain eye contact while you smile and nod, and you're somehow able to say things like, "Wow, buddy! That's sooo cool!" at all the right times, but really you are making a mad, mental dash to your happy place) as he went on and on and on and on about some video game, that may or may not have had something to do with Spider-man. If Tuck were to rank these types of conversations in importance, they would be on par with finding the cure for cancer, so I do my best to understand and be interested. I love Tucker. Really, I do. He is a very bright, sweet, wonderful boy. I cherish every opportunity to hear about all the things that interest my kids (wow, I said that with a totally straight face) and I would never want to be critical of their interests or make fun of my own child. At least not on a public forum... at home in private is fine. (Kidding... Kind of.)

But the boy does take his superheroes very seriously. I'm sure when he's old enough to notice girls, that phase will pass, right? Please, God?

Anyway, Evan walked in behind him and, with a serious and deeply interested tone, says, "Hey, Tucker? When you grow up, buddy, are you gonna be going to those Spider-man conventions, all dressed up like Eddie Brock to talk about, like, every detail of Spider-man?"

Now, Evan is a very witty guy. He has that dry humor that I love so much, and he's sharp as a tack. His sense of humor is way beyond his years, and he makes me laugh every single day with some perfectly-timed crack. It's one of my favorite things about him, but unfortunately, that type of humor is often lost on little kids and the superhero obsessed.

So Tucker- not feelin' the levity- snaps, "Now, how am I supposed to dress like Eddie Brock, Evan? Huh? How? I don't even have a jacket that looks like that! And I don't look anything like Eddie Brock, Evan!!" He seemed slightly agitated. A tad more P.O.'d than the situation called for, but that's just my opinion.

(This is the Eddie Brock character, BTW, who becomes Venom in Spmn 3. Duh.)

Evan and I exchanged a look and had a sweet little mother/son bonding moment where we were both kind of telepathically making fun of poor Tuck before I started to giggle and ruined the magic. Ah... Good times. Of course, Tucker didn't understand why anyone would be laughing over a topic of such weighty importance as this one, which just seemed to add to his P.O.'dness.

Later, Tuck came back to ask me what a Spider-man convention even is. I dodged the question. For now. Can you blame me? He's going to think it sounds awesome, and he'll go on and on and on and... He's going to want to go to one. I just know it. I've got it coming. I pretty much asked for it.

Aw, geez. I'm going to need a much bigger happy place to handle that.

It's not like they need the blog traffic, but...

To the one or two people left on the planet who may not read Pho For Four and already know this: Go see the pictures of the beautiful new Finley Marie! I can't wait to hear Laurie's account of her labor and delivery. That poor girl labored the old-fashioned, natural way for days before having her lovely new baby girl late yesterday morning by c-section. Go over and give Laurie and Travis a big "Congratulations!"