Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Pillow Talk

This is an honest-to-goodness conversation I had just moments ago with the Samster...  God help me.

Me (with eyes closed- trying to look asleep- and jaw clenched): Mommy's getting mad, Sammy.  Go to sleep.
Sam: Okay.
...
...

Sam:  I patting yuhs arm, Mom?  I pat yuhs arm.  ... That nice, Mom?  I be nice, Mom?
Me:  Yes, that's nice.  You are very nice.  Mommy is still getting mad because you're not trying to go to----
Sam: BOOP! I gots yuhs NOSE, MOM! (laughs)
Me: Yes, I noticed that.  You have quite the sharp fingernail, there.  Is Mommy bleeding?  Is my nose blee--- can you let go, hon?  You're seriously hurting me.  NOW, please. 
Sam: HAHAHAHA! (I assume he's laughing because my voice sounds all nasal and funny, not because he's hurting me.  He let go.)
Me: Thank you.  No more talking.  Go the... to sleep.  I MEAN IT.
Sam:  Okay.
...
...

Sam: You get yuhs own widdle baby chicken.  On yuhs own widdle baby plate (these are lines from a tv commercial he loves to repeat...  at 11:00 p.m., apparently)
Me:  I stopped drinking before having children.  Did you know that, Stinkleton?  Sometimes I question that decision.
Sam: Drink?  I has a drink?
Me: No.  Sleep.
Sam:  I not tie-yud.
...
...
Sam:  You tie-yud, Mom?
Me: God, yes.  Samuel ROBERT, it is after 11:00.  I want you to stop talking and GO------
Sam: Eight, nine, ten, ewebben.
Me: SAM!
Sam: (fake snores, eyes squeezed shut) Nigh-night (more fake snores).
Me: Night-night.  That's my good boy (I kiss his forehead).
...
...

...
...

Me (thinking to myself): Thank God.  I think we're in the clear. 

...
...

Sam: Yeah.  I good boy.  ...I good boy, Mom?

Me (to myself): You've gotta be kidding me.

5 comments:

Lina said...

LMAO - love it. Sounds a lot like Gabe!

metaphase said...

So sweet and annoying all at the same time, huh? I have a chatter, too, and that's how I often feel. It's great that she loves to tell me every. detail. of what she's doing, but sometimes I think "come on, take a breath!"

Danielle said...

so funny, I really had tears of laughter rolling down my face. Have you seen the book "Go the F*ck to Sleep"? It is on youtube, read by Samuel L Jackson (I also posted it on my fb page). Funny stuff we as perfect mothers would never say to our precious young ones but have thought about saying more than once. Blessings to you and yours!

Michelle said...

Thanks, Danielle! Blessings back atcha!

Michelle said...

Char, yes it is sweet, too. It's hard to be too disgusted by it, cuz he's so cute. A few years from now, those are the moments I'll be remembering and wishing I could get them back!