The Long Road to Brianna, Part III: Red Hairs and Banana Stickers

Hi, guys! Made it back from Florida safe and sound. Had a little rain, but nothing that hindered my trip. It was a very eventful, busy week, and I am now ready for a vacation! Isn't that always how it goes?

Anyway, a helpful little bird reminded me that I never did finish my story the other day. I was talking about how hard it was to wait so long, and believe we would get that child God had intended for us. I told you about how God continued to give us confirmation and peace that our match with Bri was not by chance, His plan was not deterred by us dragging our feet, and that it was all done in His timing (see this post for a refresher on Part I, and this one for Part II, if you didn't catch it). I said I'd tell you later about the other neat little hints God gave us.

Then I forgot... Hey-Whaddaya want from me? I'm 40. I have a gazillion kids. I forget things. Sorry.

One of many special details I love to remember about our Gotcha Day happened after we were loaded back onto the bus with Bri to go back to the hotel. I was holding my beautiful, brand new daughter on my lap, snuggled close to my chest. As the sunlight was streaming in through the bus window, I noticed one bright red hair, standing out amongst all the shiny black ones, on top of her little head.

For one thing, it reminded me of the Chinese Legend of the Red Thread (at the bottom of this page, if you've never heard it) which, even by itself, was special. But that wasn't the only thing that stood out to me about the red hair. If you know our family, you might understand where I'm going with this. Red hair tends to run on my husband's side. Three of our children are strawberry blondes and one had gorgeous, dark auburn hair growing up. To me, it was as if God was pointing out that familiar-colored hair to say, "See? She really is yours." It was a neat way for Him to "link" us together. At least I choose to look at it that way...

Another really fun "proof" God has given that this child was meant for us is something she started doing as a toddler and still does today. This is odd, but she likes to take the sticker off the bunch of bananas when I bring them home from the store, and put it right smack in the middle of her forehead. She'd leave it there all day if we'd let her.

What makes this really weird is that I did the same exact thing when I was little! I can almost hear God saying, "That kid is definitely YOURS. She's way too weird to be anyone else's!"

In fact, Brianna and I share more in common with each other than with anyone else in the house. Our passion for Del Monte stickers is only the beginning. There are so many ways we're alike, it's freakish. Two oddballs on opposite sides of the planet, brought together as mother and daughter, by the loving hand of God.

And there have been so many other ways God has shown us how perfect His plan was in making her a part of our family, and even in letting us wait 23 months to have her. I didn't like that part while we were going through it, but I'm so thankful for it now. She was meant to be ours. And she was so worth the wait.

I know some of you are waiting and wondering when this will end. Will there even be an end? Will it end well? So many little things with international adoption can go wrong. As we wait, we hear all the horror stories of yet another failed adoption, eagerly shared by someone who knows someone who heard something. And most of the time, we hear nothing at all. It's the worst kind of limbo, isn't it? My heart goes out to you and I know how hard this is. I know some of you are Believers, too, and started this whole process because you felt that same tugging from the Lord that this is what He wanted you to do. If that's the case, then don't give up! You're own precious little oddball, hand-picked just for you by God Himself, is waiting for you.

"The LORD Himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged." Deuteronomy 31:8

Your day is coming. Your child is out there. Get some Del Monte stickers ready, just in case.

The Long Road to Brianna, Part II

When I left off, we had just decided to pursue adoption. I called the agency (whose newsletters I'd been reading for the past several years) and we signed up. That was it. No research. No questions. No joining various groups to ask for opinions or references. Just, "Where do we sign, and how much do we make the first check out for?" What dopes! My favorite saying for this is that "God's grace is with the simple-minded."


Even though I was thrilled that we were finally going to do this, I still had my worries. I was afraid that we may have missed God's timing. What if the child God had originally intended to be ours had already been given to someone else because we'd waited too long? What if she had been wasting away, suffering from neglect, in some orphanage and would never be able to attach to us. What if, what if, what if?


Adding to those worries were a million other little things. I flunked my medical exam and had to have additional tests run before I could be cleared. We had major financial setbacks right when it was time to start shelling out the big money. There seemed to be all kinds of delays with getting our dossier together. After waiting so long, I had no patience left to wait for anything else, but it felt like that's all I was doing. Waiting. It took 10 months to finally get our dossier to China. It was another 13 months to get our referral. All that time we waited with barely a word from our agency. And I continued to worry that we had missed God. The "what ifs" drove me nuts. And I drove Darrell nuts. His nature is so much calmer than mine. He told me all along that if I truly believed this was of God, then I also had to believe we would get the baby God had meant for us.

When our referral finally came, there were several confirmations that she was "our girl" right away. For one thing, I had always had a definite mental picture of how she would look. I even tried to draw the little girl of my imagination so I could compare later on and see how close she was to the real thing. I never did feel like I got the facial features to match my mental image just exactly right, but the baby in my drawing had a huge "peter pan" collar.

This is the first photo we received of Bri.

See the collar?

I always thought that was pretty cool. Then we counted back from her birth date and realized she was conceived the same month Darrell finally changed his mind and we started the adoption, AND she was born the same month our documents got to China.

Today, there is no doubt in my mind that the timing was in God's hands all along. What seemed to me like a lack of faith and cooperation on Darrell's part, I now view as a deliberate attempt on God's end to hold him back until the right time. I would have jumped right in, and possibly missed God whispering for me to be patient and wait. Every second of waiting had a purpose. We weren't waiting for a dossier. Or a medical report. Or money, or a referral, or anything else. We were waiting for Brianna. God wasn't going to let our adoption move one second faster than it was supposed to because a faster adoption would have resulted in the referral of a different baby. Not our baby. Bri was our baby.

The confirmations didn't end with the referral. God is so incredibly good! They kept coming even after we got to China, but I'll tell you about that later.

If you are waiting for your child today, I hope you can believe that there is a purpose to your wait. Hang in there. It is soooo worth it.

The Long Road to Brianna, Part I

Some of you have never gotten the full scoop on how we arrived at our decision to adopt Brianna, and what the process was like. I've been thinking quite a bit about it lately, because several other bloggers have recently spoken about how hard it is too keep waiting and I recall those feelings all too well. I can definitely empathize with you.

So, for those of you who don't know, here's the whole story... It's gonna be a long one.

I knew I wanted to adopt long before Darrell did. People ask all the time if I wanted to adopt because I am an adoptee. I don't know if I ever thought about that, consciously. It may have had something to do with it, but only in the back of my mind (a little back story... I met my birth mother and 2 half siblings when I was 26 years old. That's not relevant to this story, but people ask about it, so... there you go.).

I saw a small ad in our local paper for an informational seminar, to be held at a church near us, about international adoption. I mentioned it to Darrell and he had no interest in going, or even in considering adoption at that time. His basic sentiment was, "That's the last thing we need right now." And it was. We had a houseful of young children, and were struggling to make ends meet back then. It wasn't logical to add another kid. I thought there was no harm in at least getting some information about it, so I called the agency number on the ad and asked to be put on their mailing list to receive an info packet and their monthly newsletter. I don't recall exactly when this was, but I've found old newsletters from 1994, so it was quite a while ago. At this time, I don't think I really knew God was involved yet. It was just "my own" vague idea.

I started receiving the newsletters, and my heart began to break when I'd see the faces of waiting or recently adopted children. I'd show Darrell and wait for his heart to break, too. It didn't. Some time passed and I asked Darrell if we could sponsor a child through "Compassion International," thinking maybe that would take care of the yearning that was growing within me. He agreed and I think he also hoped that would be the end of it. It wasn't.

Over the next few years, my yearning to adopt became more intense and more specific. I began to feel that God was wanting us to adopt a baby girl from China, but He hadn't told Darrell anything about it. Darrell knew that if God was really in it, He would confirm it in both of us. In my stupidity, I kept trying to convince Darrell that I was right and to listen to me. I hadn't yet figured out that the easiest and "right" way to pray would be to ask God to just tell Darrell Himself. I was trying to handle it in my own power, instead of His.

We eventually added another child to our Compassion sponsorship, but my feelings didn't go away. Darrell thought I was just having "baby cravings" and in 1998 we had our 4th child, another boy. When my nagging didn't quit, Darrell told himself it was just because I had all boys and still wanted a girl. By this time, I was feeling a sense of desperation and was definitely approaching my wits' end. I started experiencing the weirdest feelings at night that are still difficult to put into words. It sounds really strange trying to describe it, but when it would get dark, I would feel very restless. I'd start worrying about someone, but I didn't know who. The only thing I can compare it to would be sending your child off on their first trip away from home. You worry and you wish you could kiss them good-night, etc. You feel anxious because their care and safety is now outside of your control. It was like that, but multiplied a hundred times. I'd have thoughts like, "I wonder if she has anyone to rock her to sleep," or "I wonder if she's afraid of the dark." Then I'd immediately think, "You wonder if WHO has anyone to rock her to sleep? Who are you thinking about, Crazy?" I tried explaining all this to Darrell, but struggled to make him understand, since I didn't understand it myself. I think he thought I was being a bit of a drama queen (I have been guilty of that on rare occasions...). I really did start feeling a little nutty. How could I love and miss someone so badly if I didn't even know them?

In '99, business was doing well enough that Darrell said we could have another baby. We found out we were having a girl, and I'm sure he believed all my nagging would end. I was finally getting my baby girl. No more need to adopt one. The crazy lady will shut up now. Instead, when she was born (in 2000), I think my feelings intensified. As thrilled as I was to be having another baby and my first daughter, I couldn't shake the feeling that she wasn't my only daughter. I felt guilty at times, as if by taking care of her, I was neglecting my other daughter. Again, it felt and sounded like pure crazy.



How did I handle these crazy feelings? With grace and inner strength? With undying faith that God was working on it? Not quite. I got mad at God. I felt it was so unfair that He would give me such an overwhelming burden and broken heart for a child I couldn't have. The pity parties started, complete with balloons and streamers. WHY was He doing this to me? WHY didn't He just tell Darrell, if this was what He wanted us to do? Hey, wait a minute... A tiny, night-light sized flicker went on in my head... I prayed, "Lord, I know you want us to adopt a baby girl from China. Will you PLEASE convince Darrell of it? Please tell him this is of you and not me." Why did it not occur to me to pray this way before? I have no idea. Pride, maybe? I had prayed, of course, but it was for God to "make him listen to me." "Make him see I'm right, Lord!" I wanted Darrell to just accept that I had heard from God and act on my word, I guess.



Anyway, four months after Olivia was born (and only a few short weeks after I changed my prayer angle) we were in the car, listening to a Christian radio station. Darrell let me out to run into a store. When I came out and got back in the car he said, "Listen," in a hushed, clipped voice, and turned up the radio. A woman was giving her testimony of how God led her to adopt a baby girl from China. She was for it; her husband was not. She spoke of how she began to have these strange feelings of missing someone. Worrying about someone. But she didn't know who. She described a restlessness at night that wouldn't go away. Her husband wanted to have a biological child. She got pregnant and miscarried. As we sat listening to her story unfold, Darrell's heart was changed, right then and there in the car. What I had tried to accomplish through years of struggle, God accomplished in 10 minutes. That was on a Sunday afternoon. We called the agency the next morning and got started. I'll tell the rest tomorrow. Lunchtime is over and I have to get back to school.








(**By the way- Since today is Sept. 11th, I'd like to say my thoughts and prayers are with all who were affected by the tragedy six years ago. You are not forgotten. God bless.)

Adoption Day #5

Today, we celebrated our family's fifth Adoption Day with Bri. It's amazing that 5 yrs. has flown by. Each year, on Adoption Day, we add a few charms to a bracelet for her. Her charms this year are the Chinese characters for "Treasure" (Bao), and "Daughter," and one that says, "Born in my heart." She also got a bilingual Beginner's Bible, a bouquet of flowers, and cupcakes. Celebrating the day we became a family has me thinking ahead to the day we'll be able to celebrate meeting our new little guy in Vietnam! I can't wait!!!